venusinlibra

By nature I am a very mellow person and I really do not like to engage in arguments. I prefer talking stuff out rationally. My ABF in 3 seconds will immediately get nasty by swearing, raising his voice, telling me I'm crazy, a codie, not as smart as he thought I was, bitch, shut up, etc.

I ask him please not to call me names. His response is someone needs to tell you to shut up or who you really are? I'm flabberghasted he's that arrogant. Yesterday I told him I thought he was abusive and I wouldn't put up with it anymore. I told him I thought he says those things to me to make me feel as bad as he does inside.

I am going to meetings, counseling, etc. The hardest part about this relationship is I was friends with this man for several years before we got together. I never saw this side of him and now I wonder how I missed it.

I know I deserve better but I'm shell shocked. I'm hurt knowing that this guy probably never really loved me and I wasted 3 years with him. I'm trying to focus on the positive but sometimes you just feel numb.

Thank you for all the kind words and support.

Pajarito

He's that arrogant because he can be. We teach people how to treat us. I'm glad you stood up for yourself with him. Is it enough though? I put up with a lot of verbal abuse as well. I finally had enough and stood up to my STBXAH. I drew a line in the sand- so to speak. In a 30-second vent I basically told him ENOUGH! It was pretty spectacular- if I do say so myself. However- I also backed that up with action. If you want to truly stand up for yourself you have to think about how your words translate into your actions. What can you do to create a boundary? How can you start to stand up for yourself and really mean it? Counseling, al-anon, friends and family helped me to realize I did not have to take any more abuse, and when I finally said enough- I meant it. He knows that now. . . and I feel stronger than I ever have. And- I didn't get here over night- baby steps and a few leaps- and I keep on truckin'.

Pajarito

Going 80 mph in your new Impreza! I love your way with words anvilhead- and your new avatar.

venusinlibra

It's really tough I go from feeling peaceful, to angry, to crying, to sad, to peaceful. LOL. Just like a rollercoaster. I really can't believe I let it get this far. It would be great to hear from others who found healthier relationships after they let the AH or AB go.

Pajarito

You should start a thread about that subject. I'm sure there would be a lot of interest. . .

prodigal

By calling you filthy names and speaking to you with a total lack of respect, he is not telling YOU who you really are. However, what is coming out of his potty mouth speaks volumes about HIM.

I was married to a man like this. If you are flabberghasted at his arrogance, I want to suggest that you have a plan of action in place. His type of arrogance frequently leads to physical abuse. And it can come out of left field before you know what hit you - literally.

I was a battered spouse. My ex started by putting me down. Then the name calling followed. Then the yelling. Then punching holes in walls or breaking things.

Finally, he decided to punch and break me. And he did. For a number of years. And he frequently came at me without any provocation. One evening, I was on the phone with my best friend. We were discussing getting together for a girl's gab-fest. Her husband was going out of town the following week, as was mine. So I suggested, "Hey, Bob will be out of town next week on business. How about we plan to get together then?"

POW!!!!

I was on the floor in a New York nano-second. My AH heard what I said to my gf, thought I was making a date to rendezvous with another man, and he sucker punched me so hard I flew out of my chair.

Please, please, please consider having an escape plan in place. I don't want you to end up being physically abused. You deserve a decent life and to be treated with respect. This man just plain old mean to you; get away from him.

chrisea

It would be great to hear from others who found healthier relationships after they let the AH or AB go.

I also had the thought of getting a healthier relationship, while in my alone, but living with someone relationship. It would still be nice to be able to have this, but it's getting to be less of a priority. I really think, that a good relationship is 2 givers together & that's hard to find (read an article that said they were Needle in the haystack men). Someone who cares for you, as much as you care for them.


"I wanted to be in a good relationship. Those good relationships that are strong and substantive never happened for me, and that prolonged my indecisiveness." ~ Diane Keaton