gns

Thank you all for the thoughtful responses to my "bitter" post.

I was thinking about this issue of emotional resources. Do you all depend on people (SO, siblings etc) in your life to meet your emotional needs? When does it become bad (being self-centered and childish, like respecking was alluding to) and when is it healthy? What does "emotionally unavailable" mean? I know my sister loves me and will make time to talk to me if I really need her, but she is not "there for me" because of other obligations/children, lack of availability. Is that my childish emotional need that I need to find better ways to fill by myself (ie yoga, therapy) or is she "emotionally unavailable" and I need to find other people to depend on?

I would really appreciate your thoughts about this.

Thanks.

Lilyflower

The only person IMO anyone just depend upon for their emotional needs is themself.

Once we start depending on others to fill our emotional gaps, we leave ourselves open to neglect, hurt, and a whole load of other stuff.

Its good to lean on folk, but I should never 'depend' on them, ever.

JMO

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

hbb

I agree with Lily, I happen to live with my younger brother and emotionally he has never really been there for me. He's more of that person that just says to get over things (which doesn't help)! Initially my brother is great, but if i talk about things more than once or twice he gets upset with me. I find that i look to myself and to my therapist if i should need some concrete answers. I know it must be hard not to have your sister during these times. I know for me, alot of my really close friends have gone in their own directions with their families and it was hard at first but now i have accepted it and that it will be us someday

Barbara52

For me emotionally unavailable involves actions or words that indicate the other person does not care about my feelings and needs. It is not the involvement in the rest of their lives that makes them emotionally unavailble. That is just time conflict.

I rely on myself for my emotional needs. I also have a few close friends and one brother who I know I can turn to when I need help with whatever. But there are time those people aren't available because they are involved in their own lives. I don't hold that against them. There are time when I cannot be there for others either because of time conflicts or emotional overload of my own. That doesn't make me emotionally unavailable to them either.

nowinsituation

GNS - I have also been dealing with feelings of betrayal. I expected it from mutual friends of my AH and I. I did not expect it from my family, especially my sister. The thing that hurt the most is that whenever we would talk, she put on a big act saying that she'd be there if I ever needed anything -- but whenever I have reached out to her she doesn't have time for me; and puts forth no effort to make time for me.

I think I remember you posting about struggles finding and relating to a higher power. It is worth the effort to find your higher power and connect with your higher power. I truly believe that by removing the "people" that I thought I needed to depend on for emotional support, I have come to have more faith that my higher power (God) will always be there to support me. It is part of his plan for me . . . to bring me closer to him.