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Dignity

Old 08-12-2008, 02:24 PM
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Dignity

It strikes me that we tell each other to give the addict the dignity to find their own way, live their own lives etc. As far as I can tell from a personal standpoint and from what I read here nobody in addiction has much dignity. Seems kind of pointless.

Are we really giving them dignity? How can we when they show over and over that they have no idea what it is? and when we have allowed ours to fall so far out of sight how can we say we are giving it to someon else? Just wondering.
:wtf2
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Old 08-12-2008, 02:41 PM
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Originally Posted by loner1968 View Post
It strikes me that we tell each other to give the addict the dignity to find their own way, live their own lives etc. As far as I can tell from a personal standpoint and from what I read here nobody in addiction has much dignity. Seems kind of pointless.

Are we really giving them dignity? How can we when they show over and over that they have no idea what it is? and when we have allowed ours to fall so far out of sight how can we say we are giving it to someon else? Just wondering.
I suppose the actions and consequences of our a loved ones are very undignified, and it would seem difficult to give them dignity in return. But I think that part of giving them their dignity is giving them the basic right and due we'd give anybody else (or we should give anybody else). I think what we try to learn (or for me anyway) is that it's undignified for me to try and rescue* a grown man who is capable of rescuing himself. Instead of the word rescue you can insert fix, help, coddle, etc. It's undignified for me to obsess over details of his recovery or lack thereof. It's undignified for me to give comment or lecture to him regarding all of that as well. Anyway, that's my 2 cents for today.
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Old 08-12-2008, 02:53 PM
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From Wikipedia:

Dignity (also called augustness) is "the state of being worthy of honor or respect".[1] The inherent worthiness of human beings is known as human dignity and is different from dignity.

So, maybe what we're talking about here is "human dignity," and it's just been shortened to dignity. I know for me, as long as I was treating my AH like he was incompetent, he continued to behave as though he was incompetent. So what it means to me is to allow them to be competent and worthy human beings. Whether they choose to act as such is entirely up to them.

L
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Old 08-12-2008, 02:53 PM
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For me, giving someone else dignity means that I don't assume that I have the right to tell them what to do. It also means that I do my best to not judge them, but allow a person to be and do as they see fit- regardless of the outcome.
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Old 08-12-2008, 03:56 PM
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My first signature line rather sums up how I view treating anyone with dignity, not just an alcoholic.
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Old 08-12-2008, 06:19 PM
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Originally Posted by loner1968 View Post
It strikes me that we tell each other to give the addict the dignity to find their own way, live their own lives etc. As far as I can tell from a personal standpoint and from what I read here nobody in addiction has much dignity. Seems kind of pointless.

Are we really giving them dignity? How can we when they show over and over that they have no idea what it is? and when we have allowed ours to fall so far out of sight how can we say we are giving it to someon else? Just wondering.
:wtf2
My sister behaves with no dignity when drinking. The way I show her human dignity is that I still love her and let her know that she still is a mother, sister, daughter etc. Even though it seems a hard battle at times to respect her actions, she still needs to know that I respect the person she really is behind the addiction. We all deserve some kind of respect. I now try to separate her from the drinking by not talking to the drinker and only respecting the person I love. Does that make any sense?
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Old 08-12-2008, 06:22 PM
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IMHO-
I don't believe anyone is hopeless.

Dignity doesn't have much to do with this horrible disease in my opinion.

Once the alcoholic/addict is ravaged by his disease he may no longer have the ability
to get treatment on his own, due to physical and psychological sickness.
Family members can step in and intervene just as they would with any other chronic illness. But we must keep an emotional detachment and back away if our efforts are unsuccessful. Stepping in at a later date when approp.

I will do nothing that contributes to my son's addiction getting worse, nor will I keep a front row seat to it. But I do carry the message that recovery is possible and I will stand beside him, and help him figure out how to get into a program as many times as it takes.

Right now my son is in his 3rd treatment center where he's been for 24 weeks.
We've had great distance between us through the yrs. when his addiction had been bad and he has been unwilling to get well. But ea. time that I've seen that he is at a place where he could die, I've been able to successfully intervene to interrupt the progression.
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Old 08-12-2008, 06:31 PM
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Dignity???

I don't know if I would call it that, when dealing with my RAS I call it ownership. Because for too long I owned and he did it. I paid for it and he did it. Over and Over again. So I gave ownership of him back to him.
I suppose that maybe that might be construed as giving his dignity back to him, not sure.

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Old 08-13-2008, 05:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Spiritual Seeker View Post
IMHO-
I don't believe anyone is hopeless.

Dignity doesn't have much to do with this horrible disease in my opinion.

Once the alcoholic/addict is ravaged by his disease he may no longer have the ability
to get treatment on his own, due to physical and psychological sickness.
Family members can step in and intervene just as they would with any other chronic illness. But we must keep an emotional detachment and back away if our efforts are unsuccessful. Stepping in at a later date when approp.

I will do nothing that contributes to my son's addiction getting worse, nor will I keep a front row seat to it. But I do carry the message that recovery is possible and I will stand beside him, and help him figure out how to get into a program as many times as it takes.

Right now my son is in his 3rd treatment center where he's been for 24 weeks.
We've had great distance between us through the yrs. when his addiction had been bad and he has been unwilling to get well. But ea. time that I've seen that he is at a place where he could die, I've been able to successfully intervene to interrupt the progression.
I think this sums up beautifully how parents deal with an a child. I think there can be a subtle difference in the approach of a parent and the approach of a romantic partner/spouse.
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