member31986

hi to all...its been a while since I have visited but I knew I would eventually return. I kept it in my favorites and that it is (unfortunately or fortunately?) Anyway, my H of 23 years, 49 yes alcoholic is back at it again. Not a surprise. He is overweight, probably diabetic, drinks on the sly but was caught by me last night. I knew he was, we always know....I'll give a brief run down....was in rehab 17 years ago, back then son was 1 year old....should have left then.... have a daughter 14. He has never been a mess of a drunk, closet style, never mean, just chatty....has always had a good job (outside pharm sales), live in nice home etc etc. He has been off and on drinking for years....it just happens to be an "on" time right now.

What made me extremely mad was last night he had to carpool with 2 of my daughters friends to a dance team practice at our high school. I was not home when they left as I had another appt. but when he got home from it, I thought I smelled it. My d asked me "did dad eat"? he was acting really weird. When it was time to drop off the one girl at her home, he had a hard time finding it, keep stopping at the wrong house. Not only embarrasing to my daughter, but just knowing he was under the influence really made me mad. I told him he will never take them again as I will do it now and that is definitely where I draw the line....to think he was taking my child and others at risk!


He had been sober for most of the summer, then went to a graduation party 3 weeks ago and was given a drink (I was not there). Of course he drank it and it all began all over again. I told him he will eventually die from this but I know in my heart that this is "hot air" and should not even waste my time on it. My d does not know about his drinking and I know I should tell her but she has had her own problems (2 years ago anorexia) and now that her life is back on track, I can not disrupt it...she has come a long way. As a parent, we protect our children.

My son who is aware of this is going to college in less then 10 days-even though he is going close, he still will not be here so I have that to deal with.

I have a good support system with family and friends. I almost want to call his boss who is a good friend and tell him about my H. He does not know the whole story but I know I could possibly risk his job by doing so. I do not work.

He is supposed to go for some tests, he had gone for a physical about a month ago (while sober) but his father was diabetic type 2 (now deseased and lost both legs) and I know my H is headed down the same path. He told me he already has tingling in his hands and feet....not good. However, now that he started to drink, I know he does not want to go to get test results so he just does nothing about going for these.

I realize alot of you will tell me to go to al anon but that is not really me. I never have benefited from that as I know some do. This site allows me to vent and that in and of itself is what I need. Now I am going to take a nice walk...H is still in bed...what else is new...also told him not to come near me...at all!

Well, any comments will be welcome, words of wisdom etc. I focus on myself and not him most times but being human sometimes causes us to regress. I know with faith, this too shall pass and I will get through this somehow, some way.

Peace to all who go through this

"Worry ends where faith begins"

I try to live that daily.

Redheadsusie

:ghugI understand about your feelings. I am sorry you are dealing with this. My AH tried to teach my son to drive while having a beer and my son got out of the car- My AH called him a a baby and said "your mother must have talked to you - you're a p word". Well- driving with any alcohol in your system especially with kids is the most irresponsible thing anyone could do and fires me up too. My son is also leaving for college in 10 days and I am sad too - happy for him that he is not here for the madness and that he loves college but selfishly sad that I miss him so much. My husband sneaks beers- I find them all over the laundry room thrown behind stuff- behind the shed- in the engine comaprtment of the boat. WTH? As if we don't our kids are roughly the same age - hang out with friends and come here to vent. Al-Anon is helpful to some- figure out what is helpful to you and stick to it. I am searching for that something... We are human indeed and all need help in this crazy world...........

LaTeeDa

I am not an Alanoner. Small town, only one meeting available, not right for me. I did go to a therapist for about a year, though, and it really made a huge difference in my life.

L