dor5711

Here I am again! Feeling stupid and angry and really really sad. Once again, I let my ASO back into my life --- trying one more time. We have been fighting day and night for the last weeks, I don't trust him or believe him. Most of the last 2 weeks he has been sleeping, preaching, praying or just generally being a bum. He once again started a project around my house and once again I have to pick up the pieces since it has not been completed. Finally 3 days ago, he said he was seriously thinking about moving to Kentucky to be with his son (who's almost 21) and ex wife. Hurrah! BUT he needed money to bring his son up here to help him pack and he'd have to rent a trailer. The **** hit the fan yesterday again when once again he spent the day sleeping and praying......believe me I believe 100% in prayer and God but not to the extent that you spend hours upon hours reading the bible and prayer books and do nothing else. I told him to leave, that I can't do the roller coaster any more and I'm totally done. My head has been pounding, my heart feels like it is going to jump out of my chest and I'm sure my blood pressure is far too high. To top it off, it was my son's 18th birthday and he was going out but wanted to bring friends back to the house. HE has ruined every special occasion for the last 2 years and I wasn't going to let him do it again. Well, it ended up that my 20 year old daughter had heard and seen enough and blasted him like I've never heard her before. He finally left for now. He's already called twice today --- he has no where to go and he wants to take a shower, etc. And his son is coming up this weekend to help him so could they stay here........NO, NO and more NO! Yes, get your stuff out of my garage and shed and pack it all up but you may not "live" here for even one day. So, I have spent this day so far packing up all the rest of his stuff --- computers, stereos, etc. so there is no need to come into the house because "I forgot.....". I am sad --- very sad. It's the definite end. I certainly wish his ex good luck. I don't think she has a clue what she's in for. He certainly won't do a 180 when he gets out of NY. And I will miss him.........the good days!

Doreen

bookwyrm

Sorry you have had to go through this but well done on standing your ground and doing what is right for you! Here's hoping the chaos will finally be over for you!

:ghug3

dor5711

Never thought I'd feel so sad! Almost 8 years is a long time.........but unfortunately the last 3 has been the pits..

dor5711

Where does it end????????????? He just called and said he's going into a psychiatric hospital.......And I said So? and hung up. He tried calling again and I didn't pick up. Can someone tell me what goes through the A's head? Are they honestly stupid?

HopeandPrayer

No they are not stupid they are lost so far in the addiction and themselves they honestly think that you will come running to try to talk them out of it. Doesn't make sense I know but what does about any of the behavior of someone using. I have dealt with it on and off for 25 years between my XAH and my RAS and to this day I can't figure it out so I stopped trying and stopped falling into the quilt trap they lay for us to fall into.
Barb

Mambo Queen

Look, I'm in a mess very much like you so I don't know if I should be advising anyone, but I would say that the A mind isn't necessarily stupid, just very one-track, and one-note, and that note is, "What can I do to not have to change? What could I say to make this person take me back and make everything the same as it was with no change on my part?" If he really, truly believes that being in a psychiatric hospital is the beginning of him getting sober then I believe he would say something like, "I'm getting on my own road to recovery. I'm sorry for how I've hurt you. Hopefully you'll talk to me again when I'm out on the other side of this terrible disease." I think that's what us codies all want, and rarely hear, because most of the A's in our life seem to treat recovery as a manipulative tool to keep us hooked--they're not in it for themselves, they're in it to see if it can buy them more time in our lives.

dor5711

I totally agree with your thoughts. I feel bad that this time he is involving his ex wife and his 21 year old son who expected to come up here in a day or two to help his dad move to Kentucky. To be honest, I didn't think that would happen. But I hate that he is hurting other people now.

McKrazy

Can I just add that I don't think "they" are stupid at all?!?!
I think they figure "us" out very quickly and know how to manipulate.

My RAH is actually brilliant, way more intelligent than I am, which disguised the "quack" for me and caused me to truly doubt my sanity.

I think many of us reactors never mastered the proactive skills of choosing our courses and deciding what's best for ourselves and those we love that we truly our in charge of (our young children, not our spouses, boyfriends, parents, etc).

I'm sorry for your situation and will send a "shout out" to God to give you peace! Hang in there!

Barbara52

I'd be willing to bet that his hurting other is nothing new. I'd be willing to bet you are not the only one who is aware of his problems nor the only one who has been effected.

But, bottom line, that is his problem not yours.

dor5711

Definitely nothing new but this was the first time he involved his son. One of the main problems has been that if I don't help him he goes to his brother and vice versa. I spoke with brother last night and we both agreed to refuse to talk to him and/or help him in any way. His mom is also on board with that. So once he realizes he has absolutely no safety net, maybe he will do the right thing and go into a long term facility. He almost died 6 weeks ago and yet he still continues to drink, take his meds and make everyone's life miserable.

Thanks everyone!:codiepolice

dor5711

Maybe he's getting the message. His brother told the woman who called him (from the hospital) that he doesn't want to have anything to do with him unless he is clean for at least 6 months. The ASO called my number today and since it was an unknown caller I let the machine take it. As soon as I heard his voice, I hung up the phone.