Yikes Am I a codie?

Old 08-06-2008, 05:44 PM
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Yikes Am I a codie?

well my husband is in a program doing great . he actually likes it! and he is sober and he is not manipulating me .. he is doing positive , great ... problem is is that he harldy calls LOL ... I am the one now feeling like oh gosh am I not needed ? a lot of emotions tonight , like no one cares ,, what about me etc .. is this what is meant about being co -dependant ? Also too I know he has A LOT of activities ( this is not the traditional type of rehab ) . they are active , busy and daily outings ... so where does he even fit into my hectic life and my work at home job ? so just feel a lot of confusion tonight where we fit together .....What is normal i suppose ? I have had that with him at one time and truly we were so happy together . there was space , but there was some togetherness not a neediness . and its so weird to see and feel that again .... so just wanted to get some support and feddback from all of you .... ty Judy :ghug
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Old 08-06-2008, 07:31 PM
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Hey raven--
That's good news about your H in rehab. Good for him!

Now what about you? Are you in counseling or AlAnon or some other type of program for yourself? Those old patterns are hard to break - most codies need some kind of help/feedback to keep the focus on our own problems and on working towards goals we may have put off, or never allowed ourselves to have, because we were so focused on the alcoholic in our life.

Peace,
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Old 08-06-2008, 09:50 PM
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I think this is normal. You can now start focusing on you!!! If you have not started Al-Anon, now may be a great time to do so.

It's really hard - I poured all my time, energy, thinking into my husband and his drinking and taking care of the house, etc. My husband still drinks - but I have joined Al-Anon. It has worked miracles so far - on my thoughts - self esteem - finding myself and what I like . . . and I really like the people I have met. I don't feel so alone.

Hope this helps - it will get better. Good luck to you.
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Old 08-06-2008, 09:59 PM
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I'd like to know about the non traditional rehab, what is he doing? What is so non traditional about it?


Also, has the thought not occurred to you that his lack of contact IS manipulation?
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Old 08-06-2008, 10:13 PM
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You know, it doesn't really matter why he's not contacting you or how he's doing or anything, because anything can still happen and it's only going to matter what you are doing to become YOU that's going to have any lasting power. Give yourself the gift you deserve by looking into some things that are going to help you start learning the stuff you need to make boundaries, gain confidence, and learn how to detach in love (that's the hardest part for me..... the "in love" part, that is) so that you are ready to do the hard work of putting your relationship on a healthy path.

Good luck and many prayers to you!!!!!!
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