Detachment
Living in a Pinkful Place
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Detachment
This book has been crucial to my recovery - especially this Chapter - I have posted part of the section on Detachment - this helps me so much and I hope that it helps some of you also.
Wishing you Serenity, Joy & Love,
Rita
“How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics”
Chapter 11 – Detachment, Love & Forgiveness
A part of the section on Detachment
Bottom pg 84 – starting last sentence
Learning to detach often begins by learning to take a moment before reacting to alcoholic behavior. In the moment we can ask ourselves, “Is this behavior coming from the person or the disease?” Although at first the answer may not be clear to us, in time it becomes easier to discern whether alcoholism or our friend or relative has prompted the disturbing behavior. This distinction makes us better able to emotionally distance ourselves from the behavior. We can remember that although alcoholics often surround themselves with crisis, chaos, fear and pain, we need not play a part in the turmoil. Blaming others for the consequences of their own choices and acting out verbally or physically are some of the smokescreens that alcoholics use to conceal the real source of the trouble – alcoholism. Everyone’s attention goes to the harsh word, the broken glass, or the bounced check rather than to the disease. It becomes automatic to defend against the insult, weep or rage at the thrown glass, scramble to cover the bounced check. But by naming the disease, we see through the alcoholic’s smokescreen and therefore needn’t be distracted by it at all. Instead of taking the behavior personally, in time we can learn to stay to ourselves, “That’s just alcoholism,” and let it go.
Simply knowing that alcoholism is the source of the unacceptable behavior is not sufficient, however. We may have to take action to help us achieve greater emotional distance. We might change the subject, leave the room or even the house, or involve ourselves in some physically demanding activity. We may need the support or perspective that only a sponsor or fellow Al-Anon member can provide. An Al-Anon call or meeting could be just what we need to help us separate ourselves from the symptoms and effects of the disease without separating ourselves from the human being.
Wishing you Serenity, Joy & Love,
Rita
“How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics”
Chapter 11 – Detachment, Love & Forgiveness
A part of the section on Detachment
Bottom pg 84 – starting last sentence
Learning to detach often begins by learning to take a moment before reacting to alcoholic behavior. In the moment we can ask ourselves, “Is this behavior coming from the person or the disease?” Although at first the answer may not be clear to us, in time it becomes easier to discern whether alcoholism or our friend or relative has prompted the disturbing behavior. This distinction makes us better able to emotionally distance ourselves from the behavior. We can remember that although alcoholics often surround themselves with crisis, chaos, fear and pain, we need not play a part in the turmoil. Blaming others for the consequences of their own choices and acting out verbally or physically are some of the smokescreens that alcoholics use to conceal the real source of the trouble – alcoholism. Everyone’s attention goes to the harsh word, the broken glass, or the bounced check rather than to the disease. It becomes automatic to defend against the insult, weep or rage at the thrown glass, scramble to cover the bounced check. But by naming the disease, we see through the alcoholic’s smokescreen and therefore needn’t be distracted by it at all. Instead of taking the behavior personally, in time we can learn to stay to ourselves, “That’s just alcoholism,” and let it go.
Simply knowing that alcoholism is the source of the unacceptable behavior is not sufficient, however. We may have to take action to help us achieve greater emotional distance. We might change the subject, leave the room or even the house, or involve ourselves in some physically demanding activity. We may need the support or perspective that only a sponsor or fellow Al-Anon member can provide. An Al-Anon call or meeting could be just what we need to help us separate ourselves from the symptoms and effects of the disease without separating ourselves from the human being.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: St. Petersburg, Florida
Posts: 684
Originally Posted by Japic05 
This book has been crucial to my recovery - especially this Chapter - I have posted part of the section on Detachment - this helps me so much and I hope that it helps some of you also.
Wishing you Serenity, Joy & Love,
Rita
“How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics”
Chapter 11 – Detachment, Love & Forgiveness
A part of the section on Detachment
Bottom pg 84 – starting last sentence
But by naming the disease, we see through the alcoholic’s smokescreen and therefore needn’t be distracted by it at all. Instead of taking the behavior personally, in time we can learn to stay to ourselves, “That’s just alcoholism,” and let it go.
Simply knowing that alcoholism is the source of the unacceptable behavior is not sufficient, however. We may have to take action to help us achieve greater emotional distance.
Wishing you Serenity, Joy & Love,
Rita
“How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics”
Chapter 11 – Detachment, Love & Forgiveness
A part of the section on Detachment
Bottom pg 84 – starting last sentence
But by naming the disease, we see through the alcoholic’s smokescreen and therefore needn’t be distracted by it at all. Instead of taking the behavior personally, in time we can learn to stay to ourselves, “That’s just alcoholism,” and let it go.
Simply knowing that alcoholism is the source of the unacceptable behavior is not sufficient, however. We may have to take action to help us achieve greater emotional distance.
Peace to you,
AJ
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,031
Thanks for posting this Rita! Coincidentally, it was our topic for discussion at a CoDA meeting last night, and led to some deep and honest sharing.
Learning to detach is probably the most difficult thing I have to practice in recovery, but ultimately it leads to healthy and rewarding boundaries in relationships.
Learning to detach is probably the most difficult thing I have to practice in recovery, but ultimately it leads to healthy and rewarding boundaries in relationships.
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