kermit

I'm going crazy, I can't even get my boys to take a btah with out it turning into a huge fight, this is when my head goes nuts and I think how ducking unfair is it that I am left with all this, I love my kids I trully do but why is it that he got to walk away? I know I have asked this many times on here but I get so mad and then I act just as bad as the kids do because I feel so betrayed by a man that promised to always be here. The only time I get a break is when I'm at work, and there Iam on my feet 8 hours with 1 15 min break, maybe....

Sorry but I just can't breath right now... I hate him my ex AH and this hate is killing me

LaTeeDa

I know so much what you are talking about. It seems so unfair that they are out there doing whatever they please while we are home doing the work. I hate that, too! I take comfort in knowing that my kids know they can count on me. They don't know that about him. They trust in me to do the right thing, even when it's hard. And that is a lesson that will serve them well in life.

I know how tough it can be to get through the day, Kermie. I comfort myself in knowing that it is only a day and "this too shall pass."

(((())))

L

JoBloggs

I'm with you!!! I feel those same feelings too! I try to consciously push the anger and resentment away knowing that it does me no good and focus on being the mum I want to be.

It's hard though!!! Know that you are not alone! ((()))

chelle8888

I had my boys 13 months apart(they are now 14 and 15) im 34 years old and my HUSBAND left when my 14 year old was 1 month old. had them both in diapers never slept at same time. its hard girl but before you know it they are grown and YOU did it, believe me, children know who was there for them, its soooo hard but you will reap the benefits because children know. take a deep breath and remember, children lead by example. you can do it, its our natural.

LucyA

I try to remember that my ex didn't just walk away from the tough times and the hard work, he walked away from all the good times too.

You get both kermit, we can't have the good without the bad, but the good times will be the ones you remember most eventually.

I'm a single mum with two of my own, both boys 12 and 13, and also my 11 year old nephew now. I know how hard it is, I don't always get it right but the times I do I know I'VE done it, not anyone else, me.

As for taking a bath I found some stuff, I forget the name of it now, but it was a sort of shower foam thing in an aerosol, not liquid, not gel, but foam, comes out of the can like shaving foam. Once I got that I couldn't keep them out of the bath, sounds silly I know, but it worked for mine.

Jazzman

Wow Kermit, you have any family close? Or maybe a babysitter for a few hours so you can get a breather from time to time?

peaceteach

Kermie,

I feel for you, sweetie, and remember well having to handle those moments alone. But remember, add in an active drunk to the mix, and you are trying to manage THREE kids. My now exhusband made taking care of my children scary and dangerous as well. Find comfort in knowing that your children are safe and steady with you as their mom. You get used to doing it all on your own, and eventually he doesn't even pop into your head during the tough times. Be consistent with the kids, stick to routines every night, don't let them call the shots, and put up with the yelling and noise. You are teaching them how to live in an alcoholic-free home, which is far better for them than having the added chaos of an active drinker in the mix. Pity the poor drinker who will not have the bond with his/her children that you will.

MsPINKAcres

sending out prayers and comfort for you Kermit

and a bunch of

Big ole MOM hugs

Rita

FormerDoormat

My boyfriend walked away the moment I told him I was pregnant. So, there I was--single and making only $11K a year--but I thought to myself, "hey, I can do this." And you know what? I did. There were obviously some hard times financially, but we were never homeless and we never went hungry.

Sometimes it seemed like the weight of the world was on my shoulders, and there was certainly no one to bear some of the responsibility or even give me a break, but looking back, there were far more benefits to being a single mom than having a partner to share the load.

First, every decision I made was based on what was best for me and my daughter--not my partner. I didn't have to consult him about what to name her, how to dress her, what schools she attended, where we lived, and there was no fighting over custody or who's house she'd spend vacations or holidays with.

Like your husband, my boyfriend walked away without looking back. My daughter only met him once. He met us at the mall, bought her an ice cream cone, and took her into one of those Time Out (video game) places and watched her play a game or two--he didn't even bother playing with her. The only reason for the meeting was that my daughter had asked to meet him. She said, "mommy, I don't even know who I am since I've never met my father."

So, I called him, told him what she said, and he agreed to meet her. I'm grateful that he was willing to do that. He was polite, but not warm. She was about 6-8 years old at the time. It satisfied her curiosity and she never asked to see him again, which was just fine with me.

I don't think she missed out on much over the years. Having an emotionally distant parent is harder than having a truly absentee parent, in my opinion. I did make sure my daughter was surrounded by several responsible male role models. My five brothers and late father were wonderful to her. She was surrounded by people who loved her, wanted to be in her life, and were always emotionally available.

I no longer hold any resentment towards her father. I'm grateful to him for giving me a beautiful daughter and I'm ever so grateful that I didn't have to share her with him. She's mine--all mine, how grand is that?

coyote21

Hi Kermie

Man I feel ya, today I've had to take off work to go and have a meeting with the director of the "summer-turning out not to be so-fun" program here in town. This is the second time I've had to miss work to meet and try and get my 7yo daughter jumped back into the program after getting suspended.

This time she flipped off one of the staff members, then lied to me about it. Way more up set about the lying part. The director is really good about talking to all staff members and getting the whole story...so we'll see. I hate to think she lied, if she did she has become very accomplished at such a young age. Claims she was playing pirate and when she was called down turned around with her index finger crooked and went "AArrrggg".

She may be suspended for longer than just today, will have to pay someone big $'s to watch her 1 on 1. Oh well, got to give it up to God. He really helps us and takes very good care of us.

She's got alot of mad in her. Her drunken mom just continues to let her down. Got her in counseling, she seems to be doing alot better, but we've got a long way to go. God I love her so much, I hate what alcoholism does to our children. I chose her mom, kids are the only totally innocent players in this alcohol bs.

Hang in there, this too shall pass.

God bless us all
Coyote:ghug3

sunflowerintx

Oh my! Do you watch King of Queens? This is so something Carrie would have done as a child!

sunflowerintx

Kermit - hang in there!

You've got some great responses. Being a single parent is tough. My kids come home from vacation today and we're going to have to get back in the routine.

That said, I can't think of any situation with the children that my ex made BETTER. He just added more chaos to the mix. It was like I had 3 children.

Let me just say that my H has said marriage vows to me 3 times. I understand about being disappointed by your partner in life and the father of your children.

I get all of the good stuff with my kids. EVERY BIT of it. You know what sucks more than this part? Having their father show up now and then and the kids being so happy to see him...or her, whatever the case is with the absent parent.

You can do this - one day at a time.

One thing that works for me is for each kid to take a shower at the same time and then I bribe them to see who showers quicker. That works really well when we are running behind schedule.

You know what one of my favorite parts of being a mom is? Forehead kisses. I love forehead kisses!

hadenoughnow

When my 14 year old "acts up" (which thankfully is not too often) I just remember how much worse it was with the drunk AH putting his 2 cents in and causing more chaos.

ToughChoices

When I get overwhelmed by resentment and obligation, it helps me to think about it like this:

Everything I do, I do because I choose to.

I do not have to do anything except (eventually) die.

I could walk away, too.
I could be free of responsibility for my children.
I could live my life only for myself.

Others before me have chosen the path of freedom from these responsibilities.
It is available to me, as well.

Today I choose to give of myself -to share my life with others who depend on me. It is sometimes difficult, but no one is forcing me to do this.

This is the life that I choose.

Still, sometimes I need a babysitter!

Take care.
-TC

sunflowerintx

I have a friend who lost custody of her children for no other reason than we believe her exMIL's friend bribed the judge. The friend won the lottery so they are loaded.

One day I was griping about being a single parent and she said "so give your ex the kids." I looked at her like she'd lost her mind....and then I realized what she was doing. I smiled and said "Point taken. Gotcha."

Ayers1995

Boy, do I feel you! I have 3 boys 11 and 10 and they fight constantly and talk back constantly and I'm the one trying to get them to do the right things... while dad is a saint! I hate him.. I hate him for what he did to me and the kids... and I act the same way you do. It is very hard! If you ever need to chat...we are all here.

Hugs...

i4getsm

Kermit: (((HUGS))) I sooo understand where you are coming from. I have 2 year old twin boys who are completely awesome, but there are days where I could just lie down and cry and/or scream. Regardless of the circumstance that brought us here, being a single parent is tough work. I have really leaned on my family during this time, and thankfully STBXAH's family is also being supportive. It's really important to have a network of people who can help you out or give you a break when you need it.

I hope you can get a break soon. Sometimes just a couple of hours relaxing (not cleaning, not working, etc.) helps so much to get your head back together. (((HUGS)))

Hang in there.

kermit

Thank you everyone for all the great responses. We got through the bath, I think I'm more angry about my behavior, I do have a great support system, great friends and a Mom and Dad taht help out a bunch.
Oh, today was my 18 yr olds turn.......UGH

mizztake33

This happens to me all of the time! I have a son - that I love to death.
But ever night - same thing. You work your entire day, come home, play, dinner, bathtime, etc. Then - work some more until you are too tired and fall asleep.

I think am I a bad mom? What about the dad? He's too busy getting drunk / using -- this isn't fair!!

Yeah - I feel for you. Hope everything turns out OK.

Remeber - just for today - you can choose to be happy (and sometimes I want to throw that saying out the window) but, OK - I will try to choose to be happy.

Tomorrow will be better - you can do it!!

AWEDA

:ghugHugs Kermit from one single Mom to another....
Yes,some days are overwhelming
Lord knows how we get through them.
Just love those kids,they are lucky to have you!!