CatsPajamas

Courage to Change ODAT in Al-Anon II 8/5

Resentments poisoned most of my waking hours before I found Al-Anon. I could keep a fire under a resentment for days, or years, by constantly justifying why I felt the way I did. Today, although it is important to notice my feelings, I don’t have to continually rehearse and re-rehearse my grievances. It’s not necessary to keep reviewing how I have been hurt, to assign blame, or to determine damages.

Ultimately, I may not resolve everything with the person in question—though that might be pleasant if it came to pass. I just want to be rid of the resentment because it prevents me from experiencing joy. I try to shift my energy to where it will do some good. I apply Steps Six and Seven because, to me, the way to let go of resentment is to turn to my Higher Power. I want to become entirely ready to have my Higher Power lift it, and I humbly ask for help.

Today’s Reminder

If I am holding a resentment, I can simply ask for relief, for peace of mind in the present moment. I will remind myself that this relief will come in God’s time. Then I can grow quiet, be patient, and wait.

“No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched.”

George Jean Nathan

CatsPajamas

I've heard it said in Al Anon that having a resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

My history with resentments is an interesting one... in my younger years I didn't hold a resentment or grudge as I was always working and striving to make sure you liked me. Perhaps the only resentments I had were with myself. Recovery has taught me that as long as I held a resentment, I was giving power to that other person.

How do you deal with your resentments? How do you let them go?

cagefree

I used to feel that having resentments kept me from harm's way, like a protective wall - if I remember who hurt me, how bad and how many times, it would let me know who to wall-out of my life.

I find boundaries work much better and I don't have to feel ticked off everytime I think of certain people or situations. It makes me more approachable and I enjoy simply being around people more as well.

Bernadette

Thanks for this Cats!

I used to be a major grudge holder and catalog-er of all my justifications for having this or that resentment.

Through therapy and AlAnon and self-discipline I am now able to really let things go much quicker and without resentment. I think it came down to one day really seeing myself clearly - like a lightbulb moment - and the Me that I saw was so unattractive when she was judging and holding onto resentments.

I started to see the exact same trait in my mother, and sister AND in my alcoholic brothers!! And instead of jumping into the resentlment pool with them when they start listing their various grievances with the world I stay quiet. A dozen or more times of being around this way of behaving and seeing how ugly and ultimately LIMITING it is, made me wake up and try to really start being more "Live and Let Live" and practice LETTING THINGS GO. It does take practice. But just like any skill - it gets easier w/ practice!

It also keeps my focus squarely on me and on what I can do to change a situation and not what I think/wish/know another person "should" have done in a any given situation.

It helps when I remind myself that I am imperfect too!!!!!!!!
Peace,
B.

BBD

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones when it comes to resentment. I really don't hang on to being upset with people. I do my mad dance and let it go. No one is going to control the happiness I have in my life. I, do~~on the other hand find that sometimes its clear that I must let someone go from my life. Some people only enter your life for a bit and others a lifetime. I'm really an easy going person~~but aren't most codies??? Smiles, Bonnie

McKrazy

I've had it presented to me that we are, all of us, like cups walking around. It's not whether, but when, we are going to to get "bumped" or justled a bit and whatever we are "full of" will be spilt out. If we are full of bitterness and resentment, that's the character trait that will be displayed when life hands us a tough time. If we are filling ourselves up with forgivenss and grace, then that's what will be exposed when trouble hits.
I guess I decided that when the tough stuff hits and I really do need to dig deep in my reserves, I want those to be the sweet water and not the bitter.
I've really been trying to fill myself up with the kinds of things that remind me of what I DO have and all of the beauty that's a part of my life.
It's not profound, but it has become a word picture to me when I can remind myself who I want to be for me and for those I love.

mizztake33

Amen!

Resentments only hurt us - not the people or situation that we are resentful of!

Once we start letting of of resentments, it is like poison being let out of us . . . .

Thanks!!! Again - I needed to here this!!!

I am really not looking forward to doing my fourth step - I am almost ready to ask someone to be my sponsor - but it scares me to death.