Paranoid Personality Disorder - who me???
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Paranoid Personality Disorder - who me???
With this one I didn't know if I should laugh or cry!
I was rumaging through a drawer in my daughters bedroom for a pen and paper when I came across an envelope containing photocopies from a psychiatric book explaining Paranoid Personality Disorder. My husband keeps some reading material in her bedside table because he sleeps in her room (she does not).
The photocopies had notes on them in my mother in law's handwriting. I was really confused as I read it because I could not imagine who she was referring to but it finally hit me...she was referring to me!!! My husband and his parents (retired medical professionals) have been diagnosing me over dinner lately! LOL. I ask myself, how could this be?? After some thought, I realized that my husband has been discussing with them how terrible, punitive, unthankful, ungrateful, unacknowedging I have been since if gave up the drink 7 mths ago.
In truth, I have not been any of those things I have merely been honest with him about my feelings for him. I have told him on several occassions that my feels for him are strictly platonic and I no longer have those feelings that a women has for her husband. Everytime I tell him these things he ignores what I tell him and does something silly like buy me an expensive gift...strange but true. So, I supsect he has told his parents that I am causing him extreme suffering by not acknowledging all the things that he has changed in his life.
I decided that the best way to handle this event was to call MIL and as her directly. I was very pleasant and cordial with her when I ask what this was about. She said two things
1. That the situation is in the hands of the shrink that my ah and I see.
2. She hopes he can help me with it.
To which I reply, that I have seen the shrink separately from AH about 3 times and he has never spent more than 20 mins with me and he mostly wants to know about my AH's behaviour and doesn't question mine. He mostly wants to know if I am attending mettings. To which she replies, 'Oh, Dear, it is still so young in his studies' I thought I was going to laugh but I didn't because I know she meant well and only wants to save our marriage.
So, I left it by saying that I guess the shrink would eventually make the diagnosis if in fact she is right. What else to I tell her??? Then she ask me a questions: 'Don't you think you should acknowledge all the changes that AH has made to date?" Me: Of course, he quit drinking for 7 mths which is huge, he spends more time with the kids, he is a better father, he excerices, handles work stress better, he has lost 30 lbs and he spends time with his parents for the first time in 30 years". She seem surprised by my comments but I didn't ask why. I just let it ride and told her I know that any feedback she gives us comes from a genuine spot in her heart and is in no way ment to be malicious. She thanked me for being comfortable enough to speak to her directly and that she continues to pray for our marriage.
If you can look Paranoid Personality Disorder on Wiki.
I look forward to your feedback!
Chris
I was rumaging through a drawer in my daughters bedroom for a pen and paper when I came across an envelope containing photocopies from a psychiatric book explaining Paranoid Personality Disorder. My husband keeps some reading material in her bedside table because he sleeps in her room (she does not).
The photocopies had notes on them in my mother in law's handwriting. I was really confused as I read it because I could not imagine who she was referring to but it finally hit me...she was referring to me!!! My husband and his parents (retired medical professionals) have been diagnosing me over dinner lately! LOL. I ask myself, how could this be?? After some thought, I realized that my husband has been discussing with them how terrible, punitive, unthankful, ungrateful, unacknowedging I have been since if gave up the drink 7 mths ago.
In truth, I have not been any of those things I have merely been honest with him about my feelings for him. I have told him on several occassions that my feels for him are strictly platonic and I no longer have those feelings that a women has for her husband. Everytime I tell him these things he ignores what I tell him and does something silly like buy me an expensive gift...strange but true. So, I supsect he has told his parents that I am causing him extreme suffering by not acknowledging all the things that he has changed in his life.
I decided that the best way to handle this event was to call MIL and as her directly. I was very pleasant and cordial with her when I ask what this was about. She said two things
1. That the situation is in the hands of the shrink that my ah and I see.
2. She hopes he can help me with it.
To which I reply, that I have seen the shrink separately from AH about 3 times and he has never spent more than 20 mins with me and he mostly wants to know about my AH's behaviour and doesn't question mine. He mostly wants to know if I am attending mettings. To which she replies, 'Oh, Dear, it is still so young in his studies' I thought I was going to laugh but I didn't because I know she meant well and only wants to save our marriage.
So, I left it by saying that I guess the shrink would eventually make the diagnosis if in fact she is right. What else to I tell her??? Then she ask me a questions: 'Don't you think you should acknowledge all the changes that AH has made to date?" Me: Of course, he quit drinking for 7 mths which is huge, he spends more time with the kids, he is a better father, he excerices, handles work stress better, he has lost 30 lbs and he spends time with his parents for the first time in 30 years". She seem surprised by my comments but I didn't ask why. I just let it ride and told her I know that any feedback she gives us comes from a genuine spot in her heart and is in no way ment to be malicious. She thanked me for being comfortable enough to speak to her directly and that she continues to pray for our marriage.
If you can look Paranoid Personality Disorder on Wiki.
I look forward to your feedback!
Chris
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Posts: 596
Did it matter that she suspected that you had that disorder? Did your conversation with her change anything? I've hashed things out with my MIL also. She thinks I have a condition called "Evil Witch Stole My Son". She's told every family they have that I have this condition. She's spoken words of absolute disdain about me to everyone in their small town as well. I've had two of her sisters call me to grill me because they have heard the worst about me.
I've known her 16 years now. Not one word out of my mouth has ever changed the fact that she wants to be number one in her little boy's (48) heart. I realize your MIL doesn't have such greedy motives, but the issue is the same. All in all, it doesn't matter what she believes. What matters is what you believe about you.
I've known her 16 years now. Not one word out of my mouth has ever changed the fact that she wants to be number one in her little boy's (48) heart. I realize your MIL doesn't have such greedy motives, but the issue is the same. All in all, it doesn't matter what she believes. What matters is what you believe about you.
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It doesn't matter at all really. There was I time when I would have been mortified but not anymore.
I think my conversation with her was a healthier one than the one I would have had with my dryAH. It was amusing though.
I decided I wasn't going to mention it to my AH unless he brought it up but I would discuss it with Dr. Shrink this week and ask him for his professional opinion
I think my conversation with her was a healthier one than the one I would have had with my dryAH. It was amusing though.
I decided I wasn't going to mention it to my AH unless he brought it up but I would discuss it with Dr. Shrink this week and ask him for his professional opinion
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Sometimes I think there is a disorder out there for everything... if we can just label it and study it then perhaps we can understand it and deal with it... or blame all of our problems on it.
I had to laugh when I read your post, and your replies to your MIL. It's like my signature line says -what they think of you is really none of your business! Isn't it amazing that they would rather look at you and what you're doing than look at their own stuff.
Your recovery is shining, Chrysalis! I imagine the counselor sees the same.
I had to laugh when I read your post, and your replies to your MIL. It's like my signature line says -what they think of you is really none of your business! Isn't it amazing that they would rather look at you and what you're doing than look at their own stuff.
Your recovery is shining, Chrysalis! I imagine the counselor sees the same.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Crysalis: When I was with my ex, I think his family may have argued that I had the same disorder.
Shortly after the split I spoke to him on the phone and he told me he was still drinking. I freaked out. This was before I found SR and really started working on me. Anyway, he called his brother. He told me that his brother told him that I just don't understand him. I was upset about it at first, but the truth is it doesn't matter what they think of me.
Mine made a lot of changes. He lost 55 lbs., ate better, looked better and has been working on other issues. Why didn't I acknowledge this? Well, because he lied to me for 3 years. At the time I didn't know who he was at all. I didn't know who I was. I know now that actions speak louder than words. If he's got it altogether, then that will show in time. It's not my issue to deal with.
I can understand your hurt in all of this. I have hurt over it too. The truth is, you win because you are in the relationship and know the truth...and the truth shall set you free. Let them think what they want. If/When it all falls apart, they can play the denial game all by themselves.
Shortly after the split I spoke to him on the phone and he told me he was still drinking. I freaked out. This was before I found SR and really started working on me. Anyway, he called his brother. He told me that his brother told him that I just don't understand him. I was upset about it at first, but the truth is it doesn't matter what they think of me.
Mine made a lot of changes. He lost 55 lbs., ate better, looked better and has been working on other issues. Why didn't I acknowledge this? Well, because he lied to me for 3 years. At the time I didn't know who he was at all. I didn't know who I was. I know now that actions speak louder than words. If he's got it altogether, then that will show in time. It's not my issue to deal with.
I can understand your hurt in all of this. I have hurt over it too. The truth is, you win because you are in the relationship and know the truth...and the truth shall set you free. Let them think what they want. If/When it all falls apart, they can play the denial game all by themselves.
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: wisconsin
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respektingme, I know this doesn't go with the topic but, I am home today with my neck and upper back in spasams and you.........just cracked me up! I was laughing and saying ouhhh at the same time...could hardly catch my breath...thanks..I needed that!
FF
FF
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Originally Posted by CatsPajamas 
I had to laugh when I read your post, and your replies to your MIL. It's like my signature line says -what they think of you is really none of your business!
Your recovery is shining, Chrysalis! I imagine the counselor sees the same.
Your recovery is shining, Chrysalis! I imagine the counselor sees the same.
Cats:
1. I had no choice but to laugh, I couldn't possibly take it seriously.
2. I love your signature now but there was a time in my life when I would have been mortified if someone thought anything less of me.
3. I will post after my visit with the counselor - should be an interesting post - stay tuned!
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Originally Posted by NYC_Chick
Crysalis: When I was with my ex, I think his family may have argued that I had the same disorder.
Shortly after the split I spoke to him on the phone and he told me he was still drinking. I freaked out. This was before I found SR and really started working on me. Anyway, he called his brother. He told me that his brother told him that I just don't understand him. I was upset about it at first, but the truth is it doesn't matter what they think of me.
Mine made a lot of changes. He lost 55 lbs., ate better, looked better and has been working on other issues. Why didn't I acknowledge this? Well, because he lied to me for 3 years. At the time I didn't know who he was at all. I didn't know who I was. I know now that actions speak louder than words. If he's got it altogether, then that will show in time. It's not my issue to deal with.
I can understand your hurt in all of this. I have hurt over it too. The truth is, you win because you are in the relationship and know the truth...and the truth shall set you free. Let them think what they want. If/When it all falls apart, they can play the denial game all by themselves.
Shortly after the split I spoke to him on the phone and he told me he was still drinking. I freaked out. This was before I found SR and really started working on me. Anyway, he called his brother. He told me that his brother told him that I just don't understand him. I was upset about it at first, but the truth is it doesn't matter what they think of me.
Mine made a lot of changes. He lost 55 lbs., ate better, looked better and has been working on other issues. Why didn't I acknowledge this? Well, because he lied to me for 3 years. At the time I didn't know who he was at all. I didn't know who I was. I know now that actions speak louder than words. If he's got it altogether, then that will show in time. It's not my issue to deal with.
I can understand your hurt in all of this. I have hurt over it too. The truth is, you win because you are in the relationship and know the truth...and the truth shall set you free. Let them think what they want. If/When it all falls apart, they can play the denial game all by themselves.
Thanks!
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