hmbld

Well, the experiment called sobriety failed for my A. He did great for well over 8 months, then began surrounding himself with folks who feed him "ain't nuthin wrong with you" type crap, so he felt empowered enough to pick up the booze again.

He started in with the typical lashing out, and all I could think of was "holy crap, I lived with this for well over ten years!, how the hell did I do that?"

He can go manipulate and abuse someone else, I'm not having it. I feel pretty good about it with the exception that this is going to devastate our daughter. I know I didn't do it, he did it, but it doesn't take the sadness away that my kid has to experience her dad choosing alcohol over her. That just flat out sucks. No kid should ever have to come second to a bottle.

bookwyrm

Well done on chosing to live without abuse. Maybe your daughter will appreciate not living with it too. Wishing you strength - but it sounds as if you have loads already! :ghug3

JoBloggs

You are right, no kid should have to come second to a bottle, but you have made the right choice and your daughter will benefit from it in the long run. Good luck! XX

Barbara52

If you handle this well, your daughter will come out on the other side a stronger person just as you will. I don't know her age but being truthful in an age appropriate way will help, AlaTeen will help and individual therapy will help.

It sounds like you are doing what you see as best for you and your daughter. That is never a bad thing to do.

respektingme

Good for you. Some A's seem to value their sobriety more than others. 8 months was something substantial. What a shame that he tossed it.

LaTeeDa

You could look at this another way. He may be choosing the alcohol, but you are choosing the healthy life for you and your daughter. I spent the first 13 years of my daughter's life trying to control the alcoholic. So, in a sense, I was choosing the bottle over her.

Sometimes the right choice is the hardest one. (((())))

L

sunflowerintx

Ouch. That sure hit home for me!

My estranged H was sober 8 or 9 months once. He never worked a program and eventually went back to drinking. He was a binge drinker for the most part and seems to drink daily when he is not living with me.

It's so incredibly hard to accept that someone would choose alcohol over a loving family but it happens all the time.

((( hugs )))

Startingover2

At least he made it 8 months! More than my AH. I just kicked my AH out a week ago.

I feel sorry for the kids too and my heart breaks, but deep down I know I did the right thing and you did too.

GiveLove

hmbld, if only I'd had a mom like you, who cared enough to bare her teeth and kick an alcoholic to the curb. I could've avoided decades of suffering if only someone had done what you're doing. If your daughter can come to understand enough about alcoholism to know that there's nothing wrong with her, nothing she did wrong, so much the better. AlaTeen and other programs like that are great for laying it on the table in an age-appropriate way. Counselors too.

Pajarito

Yes- it's very sad. I spent the entire weekend with dd- we had a lot of fun. STBXAH was no where to be found. He goes for days without any contact. She's 10- and I don't think understands that HE could make the effort to call her. It breaks my heart. She is the best thing that ever came into my life. He's missing out on so much. I have to work on letting it go, but for now I am so grateful- to have her and to know I am choosing a healthy life for both of us. What LTD said about choosing the bottle over her dd hit home for me and is a hard pill to swallow, but I guess it's true. I tried to control him and his addiction for 10 years. I've finally given that up, and now spend my energy on me and dd. It's been about 1 year since he left, and I look back and know without a doubt that we are much better off- less chaos, less fear, more fun.

hmbld

Thanks all, it's just a bit draining. Looking forward to a more positive future though.

Rainbowsend

One positive you've given your daughter is that being prepared to accept all an A throws at you isn't acceptable. She'll be far less likely to choose an A for herself if she understands it isn't the norm.

FormerDoormat

I love it when that happens because it usually results in a better life for the booter and a reality check for the bootee.