bookwyrm

I love books too - my favourite book related sites are BookMooch: exchange books and trade them, like a book swap or book barter (free books!) and LibraryThing | Catalog your books online. I recommend them!!

LucyA

I love these threads, I love knowing who we all are (there's probably some psychologist could work out loads from that )

I'm in England, lived more or less in the same town all my life because i like it and my family is here.

Got one brother, you all know about him already. Got married at 27 even though I was adamant I never would, had two babies pretty quickly, both boys and 16 months between them. We got divorced when the boys were 5 and 6, no A involved we just decided we didnt get on (oh, and there was the receptionist from his work but thats another story) we've mainly been friends ever since, decided we needed to bring our kids up right and just got on with it. Well, when I say that I mean I make all the decisions, phone him, tell him what I've decided and ask 'is that ok?' invairably he says yes, so that suits us all.

We recently had an addition to our family, my nephew came to live with us, his dad is the A in our lives.

So, here I am, single parent, 3 kids to look after ( I love it and wouldn't have it any other way) working almost full time with people with learning difficulties and mental health problems, no pets unless you count 3 fish in a tiny pond, although I've always had dogs until two years ago when my last (3rd in my life) dog died. I would love to have another but with my working patterns it wouldn't be fair, sometimes I'm away overnight. I make up for it by going to see my mums Jack Russel pup, he's a whirlwind and keeps my parents busy. 22 weeks old and he's really made his mark.

At the moment, apart from kids and work I don't have much going on, but I've been tracing my family tree off and on for a few years, I've found out lots up to now. I was even able to prove my mum wrong when she was scandalised at mine being the first divorce ever in the family, it was so not the first! And it wasn't the only scandal
I used to coach girls rugby twice a week , but when I changed my hours at work I couldn't commit to it twice week so had to give it up, which was a shame, but I still try to keep fit by running twice a week, or more if I can fit it in.

I sound a bit boring, but to be honest, at the moment I'm loving life, I love looking after the kids, I love my job, my family and things are better than they have been for a long time.

LucyA

LIllyflower, I forgot to say 'm mot too far away from you, I'm in between Liverpool and Manchester just off the A580. I once went to Liverpool with a bloke who'd grown up on Scotty Road and wanted to show me the sights, we we're there all day and mt feet were killing me by the end of it. It's a wonderful place steeped in history and it would take anyone weeks or maybe even months to see it all. I love the Albert Dock bit, touristy I know, sorry!

McKrazy

Hey Lucy,
just curious..... what is your job and what age group do you primarily work with?

LucyA

My job title is residential social worker, but that makes it sound a bit more than it is, mostly I support people to live ordinary day to day lives, days out, shopping, helping them pay bills and keping their independance mostly in their own homes. I've moved to a different section recently, before I was working with people who had until recently lived in long stay hospitals and was helping them adapt to life in the community, but now it's mainly people who have lived at home and now find themselves needing support, say if their parents have died or find they cant manage anymore. The age group is over 18, it used to be mostly elderly but now its anything from 18 upwards with mental health problems or learning difficulties, but the organisation is changing continually and we're meeting new challenges all the time.

luvmyfurbabies

I'm 48, 5' 2", and haven't worn a bikini in many years due to the fact that they shrink. I live on the East Coast about 30 miles from the ocean and haven't been there in over 10 years. Hate the traffic. I work as an Admin Asst. at a local bank, and quit smoking 3 1/2 weeks ago. So far, so good. We have 2 acres in the woods and my 77 year old mom lives in an apartment attached to our garage. Like a lot of you, I also love animals. I have 2 dogs (Rex is 4 and Chihuahua mix, and Ginger is 12 and golden/chow mix). I also have 8 (yes 8 cats). Our newest stray is Bob, who I named after my dad. We have a fenced in yard and a pet door so the dogs can come and GO as they please. I really like to read and am currently reading "Writing through the Darkness". Since I also suffer from depression (and take Prozac) I thought writing might help me. I find it extremely difficult to form close friendships with others except my sister. She is 9 years older than me and lives 2 hours away, but she's my best friend. I have a wacky sense of humor and I think it's what keeps me from falling over the edge.

rivka

FD- First...gotta say (not to the exclusion of anyone else) but you have provided me with so many great responses and insight that I have my own version of "Stickies" in an email folder....alot of them are yours!!! I can't thank you enough!

I'm not big on talking about myself...would rather talk about/read about others...[TYPICAL CODIE BEHAVIOR, RIGHT?] but I'll try.

I'm 43 yo female, live in southern California.
I'm not overweight...I'm UNDER TALL! (Ok, working to get thinner and healthier!)....

I am a design director for an international commercial architectural firm. My specialty is creative environments from ad agencies to media studios...and some hotels/restaurants.

(Creative-like many of you!!) I've been drawing and painting since I was in 4th grade...I've always known what I wanted to do was architecture (didn't know what it was called then) but always built things......and am blessed to have found my calling early, while some struggle with "what to do with their life" for years.

Luckily I was granted a speck of talent and have amassed enough skill to make it a rewarding career. Designers do it for the love of the game...even after 21 years of this nonsense I still work 60 hour weeks for a 40 hour salary...but I get to teach and mentor the young ones, and work to make clients happy most of the time.

Those outside the industry say "wow, that must be so fun!!"...well, it's like anyone's career..you have amazing days when everything goes well.....fun sketching, selecting finishes, great meetings, creating cool architectural features, grateful clients- the highlight of your week. There is NOTHING that beats the look on a client's face when they move into their completed building/space and love it....so rewarding. Then other days, you spend dealing with computer CAD issues, construction problems, paperwork, building code issues, hot sweaty, messy jobsites, landlord issues...that just make me want to quit and go work at Starbucks.

Workaholic. Never been married...haven't had a long-term relationship for a long time...focusing on work alot, but have had lots of time to get overly involved with several ridiculous, emotionally unavailable guys that are not good for me...(the most recent of which is my current xabf) like many of you. Hmmm...with all of this experience, I suppose I could have run for Mayor of Codie-ville all these years....

I've always had pets, like most of you. Had german shepherds growing up and through school, who are all in doggie heaven. Transitioning into professional life 20+ years ago, and with work travel, cats seemed to fit my lifestyle better.

I have had 4 cats over the last 25 years....who have all lived long happy lives. The last of whom, Cezanne, a beautiful rag doll kitty, I lost two years ago at the age of 20. I adopted 2 shelter cats a month afterwards, at the advice of my vet, as he knew I had alot of love to give to those who needed it. The boy cat, Gypsy, was rescued by a contractor who heard him trapped inside a closed up wall of a construction site...where he was for almost 2 weeks. I paid for his care, and adopted him when he was well enough. Walls are made of "gypsum board", called drywall, so I named him "gypsy".
My girl kitty was a mama with 5 kittens...all the kittens got adopted and no one wanted her...so I took her home! She is Syeira (means Princess in ancient texts)...and boy is she ever! Total diva.

I work hard to keep them living in the style to which they've become accustom.

I have two best (girl) friends, who I talk to almost daily. We help each other through the ups and downs of life...including my issues here!
I've known both of them over 20 years, and love them dearly.

I'm a member/fundraiser for the ASPCA, and am also on the board of directors for my industry's international design organization. I have been with my firm for 12 years...and love how our mission/values support many philanthropic activities, from active participation to help victims of disasters, to building homes, sponsoring families and even hosting a crayon draw-a-thon for pediatric cancer patients....fun and rewarding stuff.

How I found SR....
I was "spinning and swirling" about my current xabf situation to one of my work friends who has 7 yrs sober, and she called me out on being co-dependent, and said that my behavior would destroy the relationship I was trying so desperately to hang on to....she also advised that I move on from him. I'd always heard the term, co-dependent, but thought it meant someone who was financially/physically dependent on someone, like a child is to their parent. I took it more literally, I guess.
At first I was mad at her for turning my own interpretation of myself as a "self-less, caring, empathetic bleeding heart that cared more about other people than myself"...into a problem-- an addiction in itself.

When I "googled" co-dependency and related terms, and started reading everything I could get my hands on that night, I literally cried. I cried for hours. I read the story of my life. Every single description of the typical control, need for validation, obsession, all of that...was me.
It was, frankly, overwhelming.
I felt exposed and more confused than ever.
I found SR site the next day, and for 2 weeks straight, before work, at lunch, and for hours every night, I read and read and read posts. I found people that were like me. People that felt the way I did (do), and found people who were "in it", and found their way "out". I found people who were struggling like I was (am).
I found myself...and I was scared.
I didn't want to "be" that person with a problem. NOTHING WAS WRONG WITH ME!
But through posting, and reading, I'm learning that it doesn't diminish who I am, it doesn't define who I am, it defines actions that I DO, so I can work to change those destructive behaviors.

I still spin occasionally, but not as much as before I found all of you. And when I do spin with hurt and insecurity, here is the first place I come to, to re-align my thoughts and focus.

I'm a work in progress...aren't we all?

thanks,
rivka

OverItNow

Okay, here goes. I am 41 (did I just say that out loud?) and fairly attractive in reasonably good shape--although I've not looked in a mirror the past four years when I wasn't splattered in baby food or similar muck. I have two sons--four and two--who test me every day, but my heart bursts with a mixture of intense love and mild anxiety when I look at them. One was just diagnosed with "mild" autism/sensory disorder and neither sleep--hence the anxiety.

I don't know yet what I want to be when I grow up--I've gone to college for the past two years, but it feels like it will take another four to get a degree at the pace I'm going. I originally wanted to be a lawyer, but need to put that on hold.

I write constantly and began submitting my work (poetry and short stories) two years ago which was a big step for me since no one--NO ONE--knows I write (I use a pen name) and I've sold some pieces to smaller literary presses. I believe I shall be receiving a restraining order from The New Yorker soon if I send them any more work, however, I love collecting their rejection letters (I'll break them soon).

I've learned through living with my AH what I do not want in life and now I'm trying to learn what I do want in my life. I am greatful to have experienced some of it, but wish I learned the lessons much earlier and quicker.

One thing that I have to say is that I am totally blown away and inspired by everyone's posts in this thread. What an incredible bunch of bright, vibrant, successful people you all are! Totally amazed and honored to be in your presence. And thank God that I've found this site and everyone here. Thank you.

McKrazy

Anvil!!!!
Love your post. Good luck. We always play good cop, bad cop and since my hubby is pretty easily wowed, I usually am the "no way" guy. I actually love that role, because it's opposite my usual, "path of least resistance" person.

Let us know how it goes.

coyote21

I'd rather do litterbox duty with my bare hands than deal with car sales men.

Haven't done it since begining recovery. Last time I was so drained I pretty much ruined the whole fun part for myself.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

BohemiMamaof3

I am a 39 yr. old artist, sahm & pastor’s wife. We recently left our previous church after pastoring there 7 years. We left Central Florida and took a position at a small church in the Florida Keys. So far we are loving it! I feel refreshed and rejuvenated. It’s beautiful here, the people have been welcoming and friendly. I have been in a dry spell with my art for many years, but I am emerging from it and that is thanks in part to 2 people here at SR who recommended The Artist’s Way and Gennine’s Art Blog. Inspiring. So, I am taking baby steps in painting again. Journaling and blogging have helped. My Husband and 3 children are happy with our move. My teen ds has met new friends already and is settling in. We were concerned that we would not be able to find horseback riding lessons for my 9 year old dd, who has been riding for about 2 years now. I was thrilled to find a stable here in the Keys! My youngest is ready for pre-K, and loves the calm waters of the Keys beaches. I joined SR in April of ‘06, and I read a lot more than I post. I find this site so helpful. Oh yeah, we also have a dog - he's still a pup, a yellow lab mix about 9 months old. Almost everone down here has a dog, I have never seen so many dog owners. There are little dispensers with plasic baggies all over the public places down here, to clean up after them! So I made up this acronym for my kids, "When walking your pup, remember p.u.p."
P- pick
U- up
P- poop:-)

Bernadette

Heya FD--
This is fun-
I'm 5'10" and I have invented a new way to handle "my age."
I'm staying the same age for 5 years at a time now.
So I'm 40 (until I'm 45) then I'll be 45 until I'm 50...and so on!!!

So, I'm 40 y'all!!

I know, I know, we're supposed to be breaking free of denial here on SR...

I'm an avid runner and recently was unable to run for over a month and wow I realized how much physical activity keeps me from "the dark side!" I was really going down to depressing places in my mind when I stopped running. I've been running again this past week and I feel so much lighter, brighter, saner, stronger etc. I've been running both competitively and for fun since the 7th grade!! Amazing I still have any cartilage in my knees at all.

Besides running my other DOC's are tea and chocolate.

I am very happily divorced with 2 teenage sons who are fun, lovable, active, normal boys. We are all big readers in this house and we do crosswords together sometimes. We love any kind of word game. When we take car trips or go on vacation we take turns reading aloud from our books. We spend lots of time outdoors. We do not watch television at all, but we do rent dvd's and watch movies.

Have an old male orange cat who is goofy and sweet, and a new kitten who still needs a NAME! Any suggestions? She was a rescue - grey tiger, thought she was a boy but she's a girl!

I am totally jealous of how much you all work on your homes. It is a dream of mine to own a home one day. Recently painted my bedroom... still it's a rental so there isn't as much incentive for me to do many big changes.

I have gone back to school this past year. Going for a degree for the first time as a Nurse. It's a complete 180 degree turn from anything I've ever done but I've always had a dream to be a midwife -my kids were both born at home w/ a midwife (CNM) and if I don't get moving on it now I'll never be able to consider it. So, it will be a long road to midwifery - but when I get that RN it will be a big step forward and a huge accomplishment for me.

I support myself and fam. by working as a freelance Production Manager on any kind of filmed production: commercials, TV shows, movies. In my twenties and early thirties I worked as an actress and theater director and traveled extensively all over the world. I was very, very lucky and blessed to have those opportunities.

I've been in a very solid relationship with a great guy for the past 8 yrs. Our only obstacle seems to be he'd like to have a child - and uh.....like I said: I'M 40 (ish)!!!! Only this year has it even become a financial possibility so now it's "on the table." There is a part of me that would like to try - because he and I have such a good relationship and it would be such a positive partner parenting experience compared with how it was with my exH....but then I think of all the time that will soon open up in my life for MY goals and MY plans and if I have another bambino - well...well...I don't know --- I certainly can understand him wanting to have his own kid - but I vacillate on my own feelings...anyone else been there?

OK-- ENOUGH ABOUT ME!!
Next!

B.

Bernadette

eek.........well, it appears i'm a new car owner!?

LOL!! The best laid plans.....

CONGRATS and many years of good, safe drivin' to you and your man!
B.

wraybear

WOW! thanks for sharing. Never knew all that about you. You have come a long way baby, me too!
So glad you seem to be so happy and content. I know now, that even if my AH didn't get well, that I would be content. Although, if he had died, I don't know what I would do - but hopefully would have been able to handle things the way you did.

You are a wonderful human being and thank you for your help and guidance when I first came here. You were one of my first friends who helped me to see the truth in my situation, for that I will forever be greatful.

Wishing you the best with your knew endeavor.

PS, we have something else in common - I just turned 48 a few days ago!

DesertEyes

Wow, what a wonderful group of creative and giving people. No wonder I love this place.

I'm a photographer, worked for various studios in L.A. Started my own studio, which grew into a small production house, then started an investment company, then a real estate company. I've been acused of being a "serial entrepreneur" * lol *

Now I live in Las Vegas and _love_ it. Sold all that stuff (well, except for one last company, I'm working on that) and now have a very nice and very little condo that is just perfect for me. In L.A. we had tons of critters. Cats, dogs, possums, coons, kids, a family of skunks once, and pretty much any furry thing that wandered by. My ex is disabled, and between her, the critters, the house, the companies, there was _no_ time for _me_

No more. No more companies, no more houses, I've done retired from the A type personality and I'm on permanent vacation and loving it. I have a really easy desk job with a big industrial outfit north of town, but I dust off my cameras every now and then. My g/f has been hinting around that she wants some pics made, so I've been shopping around for some used equipment, kicking myself for selling off _everything_ * lol *

Yeah, I'm dating. Which was a hugely difficult thing for me to do after the divorce. But thanx to this website and the wonderful alanoids I have met my life is just humming along in all areas. Along the way I picked up a nasty disease called "autonomic neuropathy". That's been awful, put me in ICU seven times in the last three years. It's terminal, which is no fun at all. But the good news is there's all kinds of meds that keep me ticking along. As an unexpected side effect, I have found an incredible number of people who have reached out to me and helped me thru all my medical "challenges".

My g/f comes from a family of bikers and marines, and she can hold her own with the roughest of them. She's a world-class marathon runner, healthy as a horse. About as opposite to me as you can get. I don't even own a bicycle!!!! * lmao * I am the proud owner of real biker jacket, and gloves, and hat. I think I look totally silly in that get-up, but g/f refuses to take me to see her friends dressed in my loafers and polo shirt * lol *

I'm up to my eyeballs in recovery. Go to meets of AA and al-anon. Am involved in the local ACoA and ISA scene, and recently got into OA-anon. I gotta sponsor who's the best, sponsor a guy and have several others in my life. Everywhere I go in town I bump into people I know from my meets. Last time I was in the hospital one of the ER nurses was from my Fri nite meet, the ICU nurse is from my Th nite al-anon, the CCU nurse was from the Fri nite meet, and half my Sun nite meet was there every single day.

I came out of a family of alcoholic pedophiles, ran away from home at 12, survived on the street doing things I won't mention in polite company. At 17 I was a raging alcoholic living in a trash dumpster. Today I have a life that is far more wonderful than I ever imagined. And I have a big imagination. I have worked for Lucas, Universal, IBM, and seen some of the most awesome natural wonders in the world. I have had the fortune of meeting some of the most awesome people ever, some of them real heroes.

The most awesome of all is my ex-wife's stepmom. She's 95 yrs young, survived three husbands. Don't you ever call her a widow cuz she'll get in your face and tell you she is _single_ and has _two_ boyfriends to prove it. Says she's not going to marry either one because she's holding out for one that speaks french. I've adopted her as my "Mom". I also adopted my ex's daughter. She is now coming up on 40, has her own family, four kids of her own, and is managing her own company. I've told her that the only thing I regret about my life is that I'm not her real dad, so that I could claim some of the credit for how well she turned out.

Recovery rocks, and every person I "meet" on this forum is a shining example of why I stick close to my program. You guys are an inspiration.

Mike

HopeandPrayer

Well here goes,
I am 47, have 2 sons, 22 and 19. I used to own and operate my own beauty shop until alergies and back trouble made me have to quit. Worked in factories for several years to pay the bills while my sons were growing up.

Now it is my turn. When my youngest graduated from High School last year, I decided that mom was going back to college. I am a full time college student in the IT field with a minor in programming. The math has come easy to me but programming language is a struggle.

My oldest just graduated from college and is working as a mecahanical drafting engineer. My youngest, whom you have heard about on here, is back in college this fall, and wants to educate young kids on the effects that drug and alcohol had on him.

I too have renovated old houses, I grew up in a family of contractors, so come by it naturally. I currently live in central Iowa, in a one bedroom,500 sq ft apt with my 2 fur kids Tanner and Itty (who are spoiled rotten). Itty believes that he has to sleep on part of my pillow or he makes my life hell.LOL

I love to read but haven't had much time. Same with traveling. I really like the Orlando and Sarasota area's in Florida and may move there some time, but need to have a full time job first.

I currently work at the Local YMCA in Ankeny, I love working with the members and their kids, but it doesn't pay very well and am looking to find another job that works into my school schedule. I would eventually like to work out of my house, I have an entrepeneur spirit, but that will be down the road after I get some bills paid.

I am 1 of 4 children. We lost my older brother when he was 16 in a car accident. My older sister lives in the Chicago,IL area and does Quality testing on computer programs that her company installs for the customers. My younger brother lives in Plano, Tx, and is a salesman for a large Elevator/Escalator company that works with large construction companies.
My Dad passed away 8 years ago after a long battle with prostate cancer. That was a major challenge in my life, since I worked the graveyard shift at a local factory, took care of him during the day and my kids in the evening. His last wish was for me to go back to school so here I am, an Old Lady in College..

Barb

Bernadette

Three Cheers for Old Ladies In College!!!:HONYnewyear025firew

FormerDoormat

OK, I just came back from looking at my potential new house for the third time. This time I brought a construction specialist along to guage the quality of the construction and tell me if there's room to build a small, but exquisite two-stall barn for my daughter's horse, Erin, and a potential friend for her (horses are pack animals and prefer to have company).

He gave us the A-OK on everything. I've met with a lender, who says I'm qualified for a loan in that amount. But I want to be sure that I'm not getting in over my head, so Monday I'll meet with my financial advisor to go over the numbers and see if she thinks it's a good move or whether she thinks I'm making a mistake.

Always best to think with your head instead of your heart. I did notice a realtor's card on the kitchen counter this morning. That means that someone else has viewed the house. But I'm not worried, if this was meant to be my house, everything will work out in my favor, and it will be mine. If not, that means that there's something even better out there for me. I trust my HP and the universe to send me exactly what I need.

My potential neighbors-to-be noticed that I've viewed the property three times and stopped by to introduce themselves and asked me in for coffee. They seem like great people and we hit it off immediately. That gave me the opportunity to ask them questions about whether they were happy with the builder/quality of their home, what the typical utility bills would be for a house that size, and the safety of the neighborhood. They only had positive things to say.

So, perhaps later this week I may have a big announcement to make myself. I'd be excited and scared at the same time. But I'm no longer going to let fear of change keep me from living my best life.

Gotta run. I've got groceries to put away and a new InTouch magazine with pics of Brangelina's new twins. Love reading trashy magazines with a good cup of coffee. That's my idea of "ahhhhhhh."

Tally

I answered on the last one of these but have a few new bits to update on....

My daughter is now 11 and is off to senior school next month. It doesn't seem like that long ago since I left school, so it's kinda making me feel old, but I'm really proud of her..she's been going to her new senior school once a week before the summer holidays started just to get her used to it and she loves it, so that's such a relief, won't have to worry about whether she'll settle in alright now..She passed all her SAT's last month and brought home a glowing school report, for which she was paid vast amounts of money by us and her grandparents, lol. The summer holidays are dragging a little and she's constantly bored now but is getting to the stage where she's too "cool" to do anything with me and is wanting to be with her friends all the time, my little girl is growing up.

The bf has been sober for 6 months now and it's helped my life so much. He's doing great, but enough about him, lol.
We've both give up smoking, about 4 days ago, he's doing really well with his patches, mine don't seem to be working as I'm suffering with alot of withdrawel, but I'm hoping it'll pass soon.

I've been looking into going back to collage, not sure exactly what I want to do yet but have got some leaflets and looked online and there's a collage not far from us that offers alot of courses, so will keep looking into that.

Still doing my art, bought myself a graphics tablet a few months ago, it allows you to draw on the pc using a pen and Photoshop and it's great...I've spent about 2-3 months on and off working on a portrait of an English singer called Pete Doherty, I adore his music and lyrics and fancied drawing him, HERE's the result so far.

Am starting councelling soon also, went to the docs a while back and am just waiting for the appointment to come through, I think it'll help alot with my own personal problems as well as the codie issues, I've never had any sort of therapy before, so am a bit nervous but kinda looking forward to it.
What else...not much really, I'm off to Scotland in a couple of months for a long weekend, can't wait, just me and my Mum, it's such a beautiful place and so peaceful.

That's about it this time, thanks for the topic FD, it makes really interesting reading!

GiveLove

Got that right Bernadette! We could be the OLCs

I get to go back to school tomorrow just like the kids I even bought myself school clothes (well...a pair of jeans) and a nice new notebook today. I'm so excited.........! What a geek I am.