my update
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
my update
Its been almost a week since I kicked AH out. First part of the week I was running on anger and now have stepped into sadness, but I am still plugging forward.
I have done pretty good in keeping AH away as much as I can. He has come every day for about 15 minutes each to see baby. Until we get a schedule set out I have to let him see her. I am not trying to punish him either. He is her father and he can see her here. I have done my best to be upbeat and happy when he is around. I did have tears one day but tried to not let him see. They were tears of sadness for our daughter and what all this means to her little life. She is the one who will have to go back and forth eventually and have a split home.
Today he started with the text messages about how he misses us and loves us. He said he is so depressed etc. I didn't answer except for I am sorry. I can't. Can't let him suck me back in. His actions in not getting any help for the alcoholism, and trying to live 2 lives with the OW shows me that he is not serious. I have given it chance after chance.
This is a tough week for him. He goes to DUI court on Thursday and should be served my custody papers in the next few weeks too along with child support papers. He doesn't know about any of the papers yet though. Then I am sure it will turn ugly. I have to do what is best for baby. Until he gets real help and not just dry drunk it for a week or two I will try for full custody with reasonable visitation.
The love is still there but I am loving from a distance. He won't see it that way.
I have done pretty good in keeping AH away as much as I can. He has come every day for about 15 minutes each to see baby. Until we get a schedule set out I have to let him see her. I am not trying to punish him either. He is her father and he can see her here. I have done my best to be upbeat and happy when he is around. I did have tears one day but tried to not let him see. They were tears of sadness for our daughter and what all this means to her little life. She is the one who will have to go back and forth eventually and have a split home.
Today he started with the text messages about how he misses us and loves us. He said he is so depressed etc. I didn't answer except for I am sorry. I can't. Can't let him suck me back in. His actions in not getting any help for the alcoholism, and trying to live 2 lives with the OW shows me that he is not serious. I have given it chance after chance.
This is a tough week for him. He goes to DUI court on Thursday and should be served my custody papers in the next few weeks too along with child support papers. He doesn't know about any of the papers yet though. Then I am sure it will turn ugly. I have to do what is best for baby. Until he gets real help and not just dry drunk it for a week or two I will try for full custody with reasonable visitation.
The love is still there but I am loving from a distance. He won't see it that way.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: TX
Posts: 163
Hi SO!
I'm in a similar situation but it's much easier for me now that my children are older. Acceptance is tough, but crucial to NOT going back to the madness. I had to get to the point where I don't care if he goes to rehab and 5 AA meetings a day. He had his last chance and he blew it. The consequence of that is that he doesn't get to have ME anymore.
I do care for my stbx. AbSOlutely. Probably more than he cares for himself. And that's okay. I can live with my decision.
I did change my phone number because I don't want the I love you baby and I miss you and the kids text messages. BUT we don't have a baby, and my children each have their own cell phones.
One day at a time, one moment at a time if necessary.
(((((( StartingOver ))))))
I'm in a similar situation but it's much easier for me now that my children are older. Acceptance is tough, but crucial to NOT going back to the madness. I had to get to the point where I don't care if he goes to rehab and 5 AA meetings a day. He had his last chance and he blew it. The consequence of that is that he doesn't get to have ME anymore.
I do care for my stbx. AbSOlutely. Probably more than he cares for himself. And that's okay. I can live with my decision.
I did change my phone number because I don't want the I love you baby and I miss you and the kids text messages. BUT we don't have a baby, and my children each have their own cell phones.
One day at a time, one moment at a time if necessary.
(((((( StartingOver ))))))
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 369
Having been there myself, I had to go on autopilot for awhile to get through the beginning separation. It's been three months for me now, and I still have my moments of weakness. Literally within the last month, I've finally released some part of my heart that held onto that last bit of hope between STBXAH and me. I just kept reminding myself that I did not want to raise my kids in that environment.
As an fyi, your child may be too young to really remember what life was like with both of you together. At first I felt horrible for even thinking that for my kids...but it really does get better. Sure two homes might be rough, but I KNOW that having us apart and away from the craziness all the time is better than 24x7x365 on the merry-go-round.
I think it's fantastic that he's coming by every day to see her. My STBXAH is okay with a couple of times a week. If you can continue to facilitate their time together (if it's safe and appropriate obviously), that's a good thing.
(((HUGS))) You should be proud of the strength you are showing right now.
As an fyi, your child may be too young to really remember what life was like with both of you together. At first I felt horrible for even thinking that for my kids...but it really does get better. Sure two homes might be rough, but I KNOW that having us apart and away from the craziness all the time is better than 24x7x365 on the merry-go-round.
I think it's fantastic that he's coming by every day to see her. My STBXAH is okay with a couple of times a week. If you can continue to facilitate their time together (if it's safe and appropriate obviously), that's a good thing.
(((HUGS))) You should be proud of the strength you are showing right now.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
I have these strange hopes too. I have to stop myself or I find myself daydreaming and not facing reality. Last night he didn't text and check on us like he had been and I found myself angry and mad....why? I guess part of me wants him to grovel and get his act together.
I do have him come over when he wants to see baby. He only stays about 10 minutes or so but i guess its something. He just holds her and plays for a few minutes and leaves. No more of the little rituals they had before (bath time, bed time, etc.) Oh well, all part of the choices.
I do have him come over when he wants to see baby. He only stays about 10 minutes or so but i guess its something. He just holds her and plays for a few minutes and leaves. No more of the little rituals they had before (bath time, bed time, etc.) Oh well, all part of the choices.
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