View Poll Results: Are you still in a relationship with your A?
Yes. I’ve detached and am living a good life.
9
9.18%
Yes. I’m still learning to cope with my codependency.
31
31.63%
Yes. I am unhappy and want a way out.
10
10.20%
No. I’m much happier now. (Still learning, but happier.)
34
34.69%
No. I’m still learning to cope with my codependency.
10
10.20%
No. I am unhappy without my A.
4
4.08%
Voters: 98. You may not vote on this poll
Poll - Are you still with your A?
Live, Laugh, Love
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
I chose #5, although it's not codependency with my exabf, it's the everyday life experiences that sometimes effect me. In hindsight, him leaving me was for the best but those codie issues still sometimes come up now and then with others!!
Life is what you make of it
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Finding MY way in Ohio
Posts: 90
I know the feeling, mine has been gone for 5 days. We know all the BS they give us why do we let ourselves listen? The codie is HARD!!! We know that it can be much happier without the drama, I just need to keep telling myself this!!
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Originally Posted by cagefree 
Not with him for almost 2 years - I don't miss him and am much happier - and still working on my codie recovery every day 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
I find it very interesting that not one person (so far) has voted that they are not happy without their A. That was one of the fears that kept me there long after it was no longer working....
L
L
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: TX
Posts: 163
I'm not quite happy yet, but that's how I voted. I'm happiER though.
Yesterday I wrote a scathing letter to H that I will never send. I'm up and down at the moment but certainly it's better to be alone than in bad company, right?
On one of Tyler Perry's productions, his character (Madea) says she'd rather be alone in a corner with a puppy and a goldfish than to have someone in your house and you don't why they're there!
Yesterday I wrote a scathing letter to H that I will never send. I'm up and down at the moment but certainly it's better to be alone than in bad company, right?
On one of Tyler Perry's productions, his character (Madea) says she'd rather be alone in a corner with a puppy and a goldfish than to have someone in your house and you don't why they're there!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: London
Posts: 219
Happier and still learning. Never want to play the codie again and looking back I have before, but not with an A.
I left just over a month ago and have absolutely no regrets, guess I hit my bottom, stung a bit at the time but not for long :-)
I left just over a month ago and have absolutely no regrets, guess I hit my bottom, stung a bit at the time but not for long :-)
Awakening
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Beautiful Texas hillcountry
Posts: 1,272
Originally Posted by sunflowerintx
certainly it's better to be alone than in bad company, right?
MUCH happier w/out all the stuff, drama etc.
Thanks and God bless us all
Coyote
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
No doubt about it, one of the best things I ever did! Hard at first, but then as I started doing what I wanted when I wanted and how I wanted I loved it.
I am remarried now, but we both were single a long time and so we don't have the traditional marriage....we still have all the good things we wanted to keep from our single years and someone to share it with.
And it isn't until you get out and begin new things and grieve much less that you realize what a burden ( carrying an a$$ who wouldn't plow on your shoulders) that you have been living with and it was easy for me to resolve no more and never again.
Like Shania Twain sings ...Any Man of Mine! LOL
And he is an adult who took care of himself for years and our children are grown, so I am not the cook, housekeeper, waitress etc etc etc. Did that raising children many years ago. I retired when they were on their own.
We love each other's personality, virtues, and minds and are best friends who at times get caught up and talk for an entire day. We never tell each other what to do. Why if he did, I would probably make sure I didn't it! Stubborn woman, he says.
I am remarried now, but we both were single a long time and so we don't have the traditional marriage....we still have all the good things we wanted to keep from our single years and someone to share it with.
And it isn't until you get out and begin new things and grieve much less that you realize what a burden ( carrying an a$$ who wouldn't plow on your shoulders) that you have been living with and it was easy for me to resolve no more and never again.
Like Shania Twain sings ...Any Man of Mine! LOL
And he is an adult who took care of himself for years and our children are grown, so I am not the cook, housekeeper, waitress etc etc etc. Did that raising children many years ago. I retired when they were on their own.
We love each other's personality, virtues, and minds and are best friends who at times get caught up and talk for an entire day. We never tell each other what to do. Why if he did, I would probably make sure I didn't it! Stubborn woman, he says.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: ft. bend texas
Posts: 179
I still don't buy into the term codie.... I never dated a screwed up person in my life until this relationship... In fact, when I met her.. after the first month, I said, "either go to rehab or I will not date you anymore." She did and I thought the problem was over, but it returned several months later... I had already let my guard down and fallen in love with her and just kept hoping the problem would go away......... When and if this relationship ends, no way in hell, I'll ever date anyone with an alcohol problem or that smokes.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 169
Originally Posted by sad#3
I still don't buy into the term codie.... I never dated a screwed up person in my life until this relationship... In fact, when I met her.. after the first month, I said, "either go to rehab or I will not date you anymore." She did and I thought the problem was over, but it returned several months later... I had already let my guard down and fallen in love with her and just kept hoping the problem would go away......... When and if this relationship ends, no way in hell, I'll ever date anyone with an alcohol problem or that smokes.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
She's violent, abusive, suicidal, and an alcoholic. And you say you're "not sure" you want to live in the same house with her. You say "when and if" the relationship ends. You have already tolerated more in less than two years than most people tolerate their whole life.
You can buy the term codie, or not, that's up to you. But, you certainly aren't in a healthy productive relationship, and you aren't sure you want out of it..............
L
You can buy the term codie, or not, that's up to you. But, you certainly aren't in a healthy productive relationship, and you aren't sure you want out of it..............
L
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
I'm with my AH due to financial reasons and the fact that I need his health insurance because of a pre-existing condition that requires monitoring. Eventually, I may need more treatment. I planned to divorce him until life turned around and slapped me in the face with a disease.
Nevertheless, I work. My credit is improving. I am developing my own circle of friends. I come and go as I please. I can't afford to take vacations, but that's okay ... I traveled a lot in my early 30's.
Actually, it has gone from being a volatile situation to one that is quite passive. AH does not argue with me. If he does something outrageous, I ignore him. His problem, his consequences. Not my business. We have little to do with one another, but we are complacent roommates.
The perfect scenario? No, not by a long shot. But until my credit card debt comes down some more, I am in no position to just up and move to who-knows-where. And, like I said, I NEED his health insurance.
Nevertheless, I work. My credit is improving. I am developing my own circle of friends. I come and go as I please. I can't afford to take vacations, but that's okay ... I traveled a lot in my early 30's.
Actually, it has gone from being a volatile situation to one that is quite passive. AH does not argue with me. If he does something outrageous, I ignore him. His problem, his consequences. Not my business. We have little to do with one another, but we are complacent roommates.
The perfect scenario? No, not by a long shot. But until my credit card debt comes down some more, I am in no position to just up and move to who-knows-where. And, like I said, I NEED his health insurance.
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