raven2006

well i have visted here before and posted a couple times ..... I have my daughter in a rehab ( 17) and my AH in a rehab .. a very good recommended program that he seems to really like and be serious about , however I know that I have reached my limit . I can not tolerate him at all if he drinks again and I dont know what to do from here . I am considering renting an apt .not telling him of course . and waiting until he comes home with an open mind and heart , but if he does drink again or in my case ask me to buy it for him , I am going to leave .. the sityuation i am in is where he actually becomes abusive when i tell him no to money or buying alcohol or drugs . I have been thru this for soo many years and i refuse to continue to accept this life that he chooses or to support him as long as he acts like this . any advice . i know I come across sounding so hard and take care of it quick attitude its just I have reached this point of just knowing i deserve better .. is this attitude something that would hurt or help in his recovery ? any advice . ty ......

Barbara52

It sounds to me that it's pretty smart for you to have a plan in place in case you do need to leave.

No, I don't think your attitude will help or hurt. His recovery is his and he will either continue in his recovery or he won't. Nothing you do will change that. You aren't that powerful. Seriously.

Spiritual Seeker

You know when enough is enough.

After he comes out of the rehab a strong suggested option would be for him to live in a sober living house that will still have structure and enforcement and conseq. for not staying sober.

Your boundaries are reasonable, for you, because it is not all abt. him. Let him know that long term sobriety is the bottom line for you to stay with him, if this is how you feel. Only time and his actions can determine this.

Have you been going to Al-Anon and working that program for yourself.
Addiction is a family disease. If you work your own program through al-anon you will be better able to change the one thing in your family that you can...yourself.

You, Your daughter & husband will then all speak the same language. As one member gets healthy their can be a ripple effect.

Best wishes as you decide to end the chaos and live healthier & happier.

prodigal

I'm not sure by abusive if you mean just verbal abuse or physical abuse too. If he's physically abusive, I'd highly suggest you get out. I was a battered spouse for a number of years. My exAH seemed to think it was his right to slap me around. And he never apologized for it. After all, I "deserved" what he dished out.

If your AH is being verbally abusive, and you have had all you can take, then I agree that you should seek alternative living arrangements.

You mentioned giving him money for booze or drugs. Has he been unemployed or is he just going through his paycheck and then hitting you up for extra cash to pay for his stuff? Remain strong in your resolve not to cave into his demands for money, if he relapses.

Since he seems to be getting something out of the current recovery program, he may turn his life around now and really get serious about being clean and sober.

I wish you the best, and I hope we can be of support to you.