Attorney Update
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Join Date: Jun 2008
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Attorney Update
Okay all,
The second attorney was expensive (initial consult), but quite clever and very good. She basically told me the same thing that the first attorney did, and did say that I was trying to "buy" my way out of marriage by being overly generous. Be that as it may, she was quite forthcoming. She stated that if both parties were rational, it would be quite simple. She also said that I could move out, with no impact on the judgement. Because of the relative ratios of investment and type of plans, my AW is at a disadvantage there, and as far as stuff goes, its valued at garage sale prices.
She did indicate that I should have a safety plan based on the probable mental health of the opposing party. That means accumulating information about assets and debts, as well as leaving and then telling, because unstable people generally go ballistic when that happens.
And she gave me the names of three other attorneys I could consult.
Pretty sharp lady.
The second attorney was expensive (initial consult), but quite clever and very good. She basically told me the same thing that the first attorney did, and did say that I was trying to "buy" my way out of marriage by being overly generous. Be that as it may, she was quite forthcoming. She stated that if both parties were rational, it would be quite simple. She also said that I could move out, with no impact on the judgement. Because of the relative ratios of investment and type of plans, my AW is at a disadvantage there, and as far as stuff goes, its valued at garage sale prices.
She did indicate that I should have a safety plan based on the probable mental health of the opposing party. That means accumulating information about assets and debts, as well as leaving and then telling, because unstable people generally go ballistic when that happens.
And she gave me the names of three other attorneys I could consult.
Pretty sharp lady.
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Chicago IL
Posts: 184
She also said that I could move out, with no impact on the judgement.
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 2,542
I went to a ho-hum lawyer first to just get some ideas. Much later when it was clear my ex was going to take the gloves off and get ugly I hired a very expensive well known trial lawyer with a reputation for having an "in" with the judges and mean as a snake. She was all of that and more. I wanted a heavy hitter in my corner in case it went to trial. In reality we settled one day before the court date so I probably over reacted by getting the pit bull on crack.
Just be aware that once you start the legal ball rolling, the legal stones start flying between lawyers with motions for this, discoveries for that, the momentum gets impossible to reign in and the case takes on a life of its own. If both parties are reasonable and agreeable lots of ugliness can be avoided and of course that's preferable.
All this assumes that separating is your last option here and your W will not even consider rehab, (too bad). Some folks will even try for an intervention before such extremes as ending a marriage.
I've been divorced twice, (not my plan, just worked out that way). My first wife and I sat down at the kitchen table at the 13 year mark and calmly split up everything from the furniture, to the debt, and even the kids at 50/50. My second divorce was the kind that scares people away from marriage. I hope the best for you Red.
Just be aware that once you start the legal ball rolling, the legal stones start flying between lawyers with motions for this, discoveries for that, the momentum gets impossible to reign in and the case takes on a life of its own. If both parties are reasonable and agreeable lots of ugliness can be avoided and of course that's preferable.
All this assumes that separating is your last option here and your W will not even consider rehab, (too bad). Some folks will even try for an intervention before such extremes as ending a marriage.
I've been divorced twice, (not my plan, just worked out that way). My first wife and I sat down at the kitchen table at the 13 year mark and calmly split up everything from the furniture, to the debt, and even the kids at 50/50. My second divorce was the kind that scares people away from marriage. I hope the best for you Red.
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Originally Posted by theotherone 
Really?...I was under the impression that if you left, you would be the one abandoning the relationship and it could affect your interest in the property among other things. This is huge if it no longer applies.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
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I was the one who moved out. It had no effect on anything.
Its always best to get legal advice directly from an attorney since individual circumstances can mean a lot and each state has very different laws. It is sometime even possible to force the other party out of the house. A friend of mine was able to do that in MD.
Its always best to get legal advice directly from an attorney since individual circumstances can mean a lot and each state has very different laws. It is sometime even possible to force the other party out of the house. A friend of mine was able to do that in MD.
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Join Date: Jul 2005
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Originally Posted by Barbara52
It is sometime even possible to force the other party out of the house. A friend of mine was able to do that in MD.
I decided to hold off on that for another month because I knew M was planning to move anyway. It was challenging to keep my pit bull on a short leash and manage her aggressiveness, she was brutal... *shudders*...
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I've always called them barracudas rather than pit bulls. 
I've been grateful I've never had to hire a barracuda. Boht my divorces have been fairly civil and thus unexpensive. But the baracudas do have their uses and sometimes are needed.
I've been grateful I've never had to hire a barracuda. Boht my divorces have been fairly civil and thus unexpensive. But the baracudas do have their uses and sometimes are needed.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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Abandonment is not the same as moving out of the marital home due to irreconciliable differences, also known as irretrivable breakdown of the marriage. Arizona is a STRICT no-fault state. No matter what one does to the other, there are no grounds. Adultery? Nope. Abandonment? Nope.
New York is the only state in which grounds are still used in order for a divorce decree to be granted. At least, that was on the books in '06 when I took my Domestic/Family Law course.
Redd, you have found a smart attorney; particularly one who advises that you leave without making some sort of annoucement or having a discussion. An active addict can go off for no reason; annoucing your leaving could really cause serious ramifications.
Be safe. Play it smart. And best of luck in finding the attorney you feel most confident in representing you!
New York is the only state in which grounds are still used in order for a divorce decree to be granted. At least, that was on the books in '06 when I took my Domestic/Family Law course.
Redd, you have found a smart attorney; particularly one who advises that you leave without making some sort of annoucement or having a discussion. An active addict can go off for no reason; annoucing your leaving could really cause serious ramifications.
Be safe. Play it smart. And best of luck in finding the attorney you feel most confident in representing you!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
Prodigal: Ding, Ding, Ding...pick up your prize behind door number two! I don't miss family law class at all!
Red: It sounds like this attorney is on the right track. You need someone who is aggressive if needed, but also one that knows how to pull it in : )
Red: It sounds like this attorney is on the right track. You need someone who is aggressive if needed, but also one that knows how to pull it in : )
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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Not to hijack this thread, but didn't you actually enjoy taking torts, chick? Ugh. Torts and Contract Law - pure torture and coma-inducing boredom!
Reddmaxx .... keep us posted. It sounds like you are getting your ducks in a row and protecting yourself.
Reddmaxx .... keep us posted. It sounds like you are getting your ducks in a row and protecting yourself.
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,126
Just a wee little tad bit more hi-jacking.................lol
I luv'd torts.....and contract law?....yummmmm
The only one that drove me CRAZY.....? Bankruptcy.....yuck....I could never seem to get the numbers to come out right.....and me, a math major.....? grrrrr lolol
NoelleR
I luv'd torts.....and contract law?....yummmmm
The only one that drove me CRAZY.....? Bankruptcy.....yuck....I could never seem to get the numbers to come out right.....and me, a math major.....? grrrrr lolol
NoelleR
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Theotherone,
Leaving the house is very important if you have minor children. Outside of that, it primarily causes issues with discovery. If you can't get into the house, you can't get relevant documents, nor your stuff. That can be a problem.
The biggest issue I'm facing right now is the emotional pain of dealing with a total flake.
Leaving the house is very important if you have minor children. Outside of that, it primarily causes issues with discovery. If you can't get into the house, you can't get relevant documents, nor your stuff. That can be a problem.
The biggest issue I'm facing right now is the emotional pain of dealing with a total flake.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
More hijacking...Prodigal, I loved torts...especially the slip and falls. LOL!
NoelleR...I went to law school to avoid all math, so I skipped bankruptcy class : ) Wills and Trusts, now there's some interesting stuff...NOT!
NoelleR...I went to law school to avoid all math, so I skipped bankruptcy class : ) Wills and Trusts, now there's some interesting stuff...NOT!
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