sunflowerintx

In the grand scheme of things, two weeks is no big deal. However, I haven't been able to go even a week when we've split over the last year. So two weeks is a big deal FOR ME.

I have an appointment tomorrow morning with the legal advocate at the local DV center. I hope to find a pro bono or low cost attorney to take on my divorce. For those who don't know, this will be the third time I've divorced my abusive alcoholic husband.

Can you say insanity?

It's unfortunate that we couldn't make our marriage work and that he refuses to face his demons. I desperately wanted to make this marriage work - for me, for him, for our beautiful children.

I still love him and probably always will. I remembered a conversation we had during a separation where H said he felt lost without me. He thought I would always be his security blanket. Does that mean I was a good little codependent?

I don't really have a choice anymore. I don't wanna do this dance for another 20 years and I refuse to make my children spend their ENTIRE childhood in chaos because of their father's refusal to get the help he so desperately needs. His sisters and his mother are enabling the heck out of him and I doubt he'll ever do what the psych and social worker said he needs - intensive inpatient treatment. I just don't see him doing the work to get well and I know that my children will hurt, but they will hurt LESS than seeing him self destruct in their vicinity.

Heck, he probably already has a new victim, er, friend.

My kids will be back from vacation next Wednesday! I can't wait! :ghug3

LaTeeDa

bookwyrm

Keep up the good work!

sunflowerintx

Thank you for the support.

This is NOT easy. I still love him. The urge to contact him has been overwhelming the last two days but I'm just sitting with it and letting it pass. Honestly, what could be said that hasn't been said before?

The FACT of the matter is that he's okay with who and what he is and I'm NOT. I think he wants to change, at least he gives it lip service that he wants to quit drinking and be a good husband and father, but he's unwilling to do the work it will take to get there.

Sometimes I feel sorry for him and sometimes I just plain hate him and wonder if he ever loved me....

Thinking with my head and not my heart has been a most difficult task.

Tazman53

Hon from the lips of a recovered alcoholic..... as long as he has even one enabler he will continue to drink unless some sort of grevious deadly health issues comes up, and even then that may not be the end.

The majority of us alcoholics die from our disease, those who recover are in the minority sadly. One has a better chance of recovering from cancer in this day and age then they do from alcoholism.

Hang in there, when YOU start getting ready to contact him, instead of thinking about YOU, think about your CHILDREN!!

NeedHappiness

Hang in there sunflower! It has been almost 5 weeks for me and I also am fighting the codie urges to call and "check-in". I have found that if you wait it out minute by minute, those urges pass and you will be even MORE grateful for not calling. There is nothing more to be said! The way I feel about things now, even his actions won't change my mind about this relationship. I will always love him, but I have chosen NOT to take anymore chances with my own well-being. It took me a very long time to get the courage to break things off and I will not let myself get back into an "iffey" situation with him. I hope he finds recovery and helps himself but it is not MY problem to worry about.
Good luck to you and stay strong!

suzieq1972

Good for you!