Reddmax

My therapist showed me a pretty good way of looking at things yesterday. she said that people are hardwired to avoid pain. So what happens, when you're in a painful stiuation, you tend to try actions that will reduce the pain. This works great if you're in reality. It doesn't work so great when you're dealing with the irrational.

So, the way to deal with these situations is understand that every possible choice you have has pain and figure out the choices that lead to healing rather than more pain.

One recommendation I can make, is to find a therapist that specializes in both addiction recovery and individual counseling. They see things from both sides of the street, so to speak.

LaTeeDa

Yes, it's true. I used to "do anything" to avoid feeling pain. One of the biggest lessons I've learned in recovery (and also one of the hardest) is to allow pain to happen. To just "sit with it." Some of my biggest AHA moments have come when I allowed myself to feel the pain.

L

GiveLove

I used to do anything to avoid pain, having suffered so much when I was younger. I felt I deserved a life without pain, with other people expected to behave in a way that avoided any pain for me. But lots of choices involve choosing between:

--a not-as-painful thing that's likely to bring you to MORE pain later, or
--a painful thing now that helps bring you to serenity later

For example, calling the police some weekend when your AW gets violent and out of control will hurt, temporarily. Later on, when it comes to separating, it will work in your favor.

Thanks for the reminder this morning, red, that "the best way out is always through".

Wandererr

Very powerful and useful post. Thanks for posting this!