Angelus

I'm back in counseling for the first time in a year. It's going very well, but of course it's bringing back into focus some things from my childhood that are influencing my behavior now.

My perfectionism, which is not a problem as long as I don't make a mistake

I'm terrified of messing up at work, even had a nightmare I was fired, and I constantly have work nightmares. I want to leave my job although I know that's not the overall solution. Also I'm still obsessed with making everybody happy. In therapy I talked about how fear of my dad when he was drinking probably made me want to be perfect because as I child I blamed myself for his anger and was afraid to set it off.

Feeling kind of panicky...sleeping better, except now too much! Which is better than insomnia, but still I seem to tire quickly and sleep long which is no good either.

So to sum up, ???

Bernadette

"My perfectionism, which is not a problem as long as I don't make a mistake"


LOL!!!!

Sleeping long hours could be good. It's when we're in that subconscious world that a lot of stuff is getting combed through, processed, repackaged etc. If you are stirring up all ths stuff - especially since it has to do with long term memories etc, your mind is working OT.

I also found in therapy these kind of falling into a void moments or feelings.

Like, Ok, I've unearthed some of the core stuff that I have to change. But I don't quite know how to behave differently yet...and then I'd just feel floaty and un-tethered. A little lost. I see why it's easy to just keep repeating the same familiar behavior over and over - just DEFAULT option!! But with a little practicing of the new way of thinking and attacking my problems from a new angle and eventually I'd feel on solid ground again, and much stronger.

Trust the process Angelus. People pleasing and perfectionism aren't easy to change. Just keep chipping away!

Peace,
B.

Angelus

Thanks Bernadette Though It's not, ahem, perfect, I do see a lot of progress!

Wandererr

Good luck to you, Angelus and congrats on your progress people pleasing is certainly a very hard thing to overcome.

Barbara52

That's great Angelus! I mean I know therapy that is working is hard work and sometimes painful but it is so worth it!

Rainbowsend

Do you know anyone that is perfect? I don't. Striving to be the best that we can be is a good goal but being perfect? We all need to make the odd mistake, it's one of the ways we learn. :ghug3

lizw

I am pretty sure it is Al Anon who talks about the 3 A's.
Awareness, Acceptance, Action.
As I understand it, this is the process of change.
1st have to become aware.
2nd have to accept what ever it is I've become aware of and considering I like to live in denial, this can be a bit of a challenge.
3rd I take action to change.

It sounds pretty easy but sometimes I go awareness, action then any changes I attempt to make don't stick because I have not accepted that I really need to change, I'm sort of sticking a small plaster on a broken leg, so to speak.

In November last year I started to have tons of memories of being a kid under 8 and one of those included feeling guilty all the time. I swear I was born feeling guilty.

Some of this included memories of the relationship between my father and my grandfather (his father in law) as they didn' get on. So when I was enjoying being with my grandfather, I felt like I was betraying my father and then vice versa when I was with my father.

I also have a tendency to recreate this kind of triangle in my life as an adult, subconciously, meaning I am still in the awareness/acceptance phases of this one.

Thankfully it is progress, not perfection.

Spiritual Seeker

"Progress not Perfection "
is also an alanon slogan that you might want to remember

Angelus

That slogan is perhaps the most crucial for me to remember. I tend to start every day believing that from now on I'm going to be perfect, and everything is going to turn out perfect, and getting frustrated and miserable when that doesn't happen. It's madness.