Startingover2

I think(hope) I have reached the end of my rope. I finally kicked him out where he belongs.

Today/tonight he was very nice and friendly. Even ILY's. Baby and I went to bed. I got up a bit later and he was laying on the couch. He didn't hear me come in and I looked and he was texting. I snuck up on him and saw he was texing his OW. The same OW that he lied about during my entire pregnancy. The same OW that I keep catching him talking to. Everytime he promises no more and they are done. Well, tonight I flipped out. He was texting her right in my own home! He made up some excuse that he always uses that her dad is dying and she is sad. Big f'ing deal!

I am so sick of it. I lost it and told him what a piece of crap he is and to get his crap and get out. He said I was misunderstanding. Yeah fine, if she was truly just a friend. This is someone he slept with 4 weeks before I had our daughter. Obviously he cares more about her feelings than his family.

He is truly sick. 2nd DUI coming up and now this. I am so scared for my baby. I don't want to share custody. The man is not stable.

I must be a stupid woman for being with him for so long.

CarolD

Prayers for your peace...Mega

Barbara52

You are not stupid! Please stop the negative thoughts. They do indeed effect how you feel and interact with people.

You've taken a huge step toward creating a better life for you and you little one. Congratulations! It will be hard but you will get thru this and you will be in a better palce for puttin gyourself and your child first. {hugs}

cem001

Startingover2, your situation brings back so many bad memories for me. I can honestly say I haven't had my RAH admit the words to an affair, but I know that he had at least one.

My RAH husband had the NERVE when he was active to call her from our home at 12:00 a.m. "just to check on her cause her best friend had died and that she had attended the funeral that day". Now, I did not catch him calling her. What happened in my case is the stupid bi*** called our house back at 6:00 a.m. the next morning because she had a missed phone call on her cell from that number. I knew from the cell phone records who was calling when I answered. She said " I had a missed call from this number last night". I threw the phone at my then active AH and got up and went to the bathroom. HE HAD THE NERVE to sit there and carry on a conversation with her then tell me I was over reacting....YEAH RIGHT.

That very morning, I got a phone call from my mother stating that they had taken my father code red to the hospital (he had been in rehab for broke leg) with a full blown heart attack. I wanted NOTHING to do with my husband at that point and told him if he showed up I would have him removed.

Anyway, I have learned I have to detach myself from the disease that we can't control, and just love the "good person" in him.

I am sorry you are going through this, but just remember there are those out there who have gone through the same situation's and have come out a better person.

McKrazy

If I've learned nothing else... (and I fear I haven't learned too much too quickly!!) I've learned that you know your own limits and you will know when you've reached them. And you also can trust yourself because you will hear many people (those not living daily with the pain of addiction-either side of it) tell you the decision is "easy" or "clear". We know here, what it's like to hope for the hopeless and have faith when it may even be foolish. I will pray for the small voice in you to talk a wee bit louder so that you really can know what the right thing to do is and feel right while doing it. I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through. Change the details and we all have been there and will be there with you now. ((()))

Pajarito

(((SO2)))
10 years ago STBXAH had an emotional affair (at the least) with a classmate. For an entire year I expressed concern, fear, sadness, anger- and I got rolling eyes, impatience, anger, told me I was over reacting, etc. Basically nothing in the way of respect. All the while I may as well have been raising our 1-yr-old as a single mom- that's how much he was involved. I found out finally that I was not imagining things and the #$%@ hit the fan- BUT I did not have the strength then to make him leave. Somehow we "worked" through it. IOW- I put up with 10 years of lying, hiding and disrespectful behavior- all for those moments of his good behavior.

A year ago he decided he wanted a separation. He had quit drinking, but was behaving like a sullen teenager, and I couldn't do a thing to snap him out of it. I didn't know what was going on, and then I found a note he had written about a co-worker. I threw him out. We are now divorcing, and he is now dating the same co-worker. I am having a hard day today, but I know I will be ok, because I am strong. I also know our dd will be ok, because I will. He gave me physical custody of her, and will see her, but not as much as he would have if he'd grown up. His loss.

Part of my sadness is that I put up with his crap for so long. I'm telling you my story to show you that you are not alone, that you will be ok, and I hope you won't wait as long as I did. Trust your gut. Mine tried over and over to tell me 10 yrs ago that something was not right- and it wasn't. Now it's come full-circle. As "they" say- once a cheater, always a cheater. At least in my case it's true. I believe I deserve more- and you do too. Take care.

Startingover2

I made an appointment for Thursday with an attorney.

I am petrified of losing my daughter to him.

Barbara52

Good. Talking with an attoreny will settle a great many of your fears.

From my experience, it is very difficult for a mother of a young child like yours to lose custody unless it can be shown you are abusing her. He can't do that right? Worst case, you share custody in some form or another. And as the father, he does have a right to a relationship with his child in some form.

Startingover2

I am going after full custody. He is not trustworthy in any way to take care of an infant. I know he is still sneaking drinks and drinking Odouls like crazy so obviously the urge is there...just a matter of time.

Hoping the 2nd dui will help my case as well.

I am not saying he can't see her, just supervised visits in my home would be ok. He is going to lose his license for at least a year and probably at minimum be on house arrest. How can he take care of a child?

Barbara52

I hope you get the arrangement you want. The court's standard will be what is best for the child which may or may not coincide with what you want to happen.

I The no driving thing is irrelevant. You do know many people don't drive and it has no bearing on one's ability to care for their children?

i4getsm

Definitely discuss it with an attorney. You may not be able to get supervised visits in your home, but you can get supervised visits with a mutually agreed upon person/location. I never knew this, but there are actually places that are setup for just this purpose. I think you will feel much better once you talk to an attorney. Mine said things like "supervised visits"..." no overnights"..."due to the tender age of the children". The bottom line - you need to file FIRST. JMO. It does help to be the plaintiff and not the defendant.

Startingover2

The attorney moved up my appointment to today! Yeah.

AH sent me a text. "I will be by after work to pick up my truck and see Haley."

starflier

Awesome about your appointment! We'll all be waiting to hear what you learn. Hope all goes well for you.

worriedwife2

Please let us know how the meeting with your attorney goes. Good luck and I'll be thinking of you.

i4getsm

Praying it went well and that the appointment helped calm down your fears. Let us know!

BBD

I'm also praying that things went well for you today. I'm almost certain with the 2 DWI's you won't have any problem keeping your daughter. SS can get involved and set up times and places for your X to see his daughter. Thats what happens here in NY. That is until he proves he's capable of handling a child responsibly... Good luck, Bonnie

Startingover2

I am SOOOOO glad I saw this attorney today. Basically even without the dui mess the baby is way too young to go with him. Here he will have visitation in my home with her a few hours a week until she is one. Then after that he can take her for a few hours during the day until she is 3 or 4 when he can start overnights. So the attorney said we have till she is at least a year to build up more of a case if we need to and see how he is doing. The scary part is as of right now with no orders in place he can take her whenever he wants and there is nothing in place about child support either. I have to take a good chunk of money to this attorney to get the ball rolling. I will get it together by this week so I can get some temporary orders going until the final ones come in.
I do feel relieved with that.

So, he came by to get the rest of his stuff. He immediately grabbed the baby and held her the entire time he packed like he was father of the year. He also acted like this was the best day of his life. I asked what we were supposed to tell our kids..he said we just tell them we didn't work out and oh well! No jerk! We didn't work because you are an alcoholic and a cheater! He still is not getting it. I wonder if he is sitting at home missing his baby yet? I doubt it. I hope he is hurting deep down.

I feel so bad for my baby. She doesn't deserve a life like this.

starflier

Oh, my, I'm so glad you went to the attorney today! Sounds like you got good news and things will work out well as far as worrying about your baby. Please, don't feel that your children are losing out. Your strength is there to make sure they have an amazing, happy home, much better than if you just stayed and did nothing. Hooray for you! You're awesome!

i4getsm

The great irony for me and my STBXAH is that he is a BETTER father when he isn't living with us. When he is seeing them, he's on good behavior, not drinking, not sleeping. He's actually a fun dad with them now. It's actually worked out for the best for my boys. Hopefully you will see the same thing.

I'm glad you met with the attorney and got the ball rolling. That definitely helped me be not so nervous about the future. It made me feel a lot more in control of my own destiny. Good luck!

Tazman53

Glad you saw the lawyer and got things started, just be prepared, we can be very manipulative and do just enough to get back on your good side and back in the door.

If he suddenly tells you "I have seen the light and I have quit drinking do the same thing my wife did with me, simply in a nonchalant way say "We will see." and drop it at that.

If he starts saying "I am going to AA now." Ask him if he has a sponsor, if he says yes ask him if they are working on the steps? If he says yes then ask him what step they are on?

Getting sober is a real bear, it takes time and it is something that if we really want to get and stay sober we do not need some one holding our hand, I will quote the BB:
If one really wants to get sober they can do it no matter what.