A question from an alcoholic?

Old 07-25-2008, 07:40 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Reading your posts, in many ways and probably for most of us, is like getting a tiny window into the minds of the alcoholics in our lives. We love them, and wish we could understand them, and sometimes when you post, it's very helpful to us because we feel like we just received new insight.

Respecting the rules of SR is important, so I think the idea of a mixed forum is a good one. I know that if many of us codependents started posting on the A forums, it could turn into an uncomfortable, unsafe place, so it's better if there's a special forum for mixing together.
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Old 07-25-2008, 07:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Tazman53 View Post
I used to post quite a bit in here, but being a little more mature in my sobriety I thought it might be proper for me to ask if my input from the recovering alcoholics side of the fence would be welcome here or not?

Opinions? Suggestions? Guidelines?

I would like to share my ES&H, but I do not want to step on any toes.
Taz you are one of the people that kicked my butt in gear with my Recovery-The input from people on the other side is always welcome! I have come a long way and I owe a lot to people here in SR and that includes a lot of our A's!

Taz you and others have come such a long way that it astounds me and let's me know that recovery if we are addicts or not can happen if we work it!
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Old 07-25-2008, 07:43 AM
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Here's my take on the subject. We have many recovering alcoholics with a lot of recovery under their belts posting on this forum from time to time and I find their posts very useful, kind, and caring, and they understand that the majority of folks here are still in their painful situations and they are careful not to cause anyone additional pain. I welcome them here wholeheartedly.

However, we occassionally have a recovering alcohlic or two who are new to recovery posting here, too, with the intention of being helpful but they have inadvertently pushed my buttons. I know when my buttons are pushed that it's my problem to solve, but when that happens I want them to leave (because it's easier to ask them to leave than to deal with my hot button issues).

But I guess I can't have my cake and eat it too (darn it all) and I'll take an occassional recovery newbie that pushes my buttons so I can reap the benefits of all the knowledge the more recovered addicts have to offer on the forum.

I'm a big girl and I'm capable of deciding who I prefer to chat with on this forum. I don't need someone else to do that for me, especially when the rules of the forum aren't being breached and no one is being intentionally disrespectful.
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Old 07-25-2008, 08:08 AM
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Originally Posted by theotherone View Post
Taz, you have done more for me personally than you know. When I was new to this forum, it was you who took the time to explain and encourage. I knew when I came to family and friends that it was about what I needed to do and change...but in the same token, I was able to gain insight with your help and others about what was going on with the A. I continue to look for your posts and take note on where you are and what it took to get there. You are an awesome person when it comes to acknowledgement and inspiration...I can't speak for everyone, but I thank God for people like you who take the time for others and share your strength in faith and hope for people you don't even know.

If you don't stay...I know where to find you!
Taz,
I ditto this EXACTLY! You have been such a source of experience, strength, hope and inspiration to me, more than you will ever know! You were the one person I couldn't wait to tell about my knew found "awakening". I truly also thank God that we met on this forum! Our HP's put us together!
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Old 07-25-2008, 09:39 AM
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I would love to see you posting over here too, I actually go to the A's board to read your posts and I think it's really beneficial for us F&F to hear from the "other side"...
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Old 07-25-2008, 09:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Tazman53 View Post
I would assume that Alanon has the equivelant of that tradition seeing that it is direvative of AA.

Perhaps so. I wouldn't know since I don't go to AlAnon. This forum is not an AlAnon forum either.

I understand this forum is for those dealing with the issues of being F&F of an A and that is the focus here. I do not view posts giving the view of a RA as being in any way disruptive or inappropriate on the whole. There are of course exceptions which I've seen dealt with in an appropriate manner by the mods in here.

Last edited by Barbara52; 07-25-2008 at 10:03 AM.
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Old 07-25-2008, 10:00 AM
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I've seen the rare abrasive post by a newbie RA send this forum into a tizzy. Like poking at a bee hive with a stick. I've also seen carefully worded informative posts by veteran RAs do a great deal of good around here. Like the "ah-ha" moment in the Blues Brothers movie when Jake sees the light
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Old 07-25-2008, 10:12 AM
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Wow, lots of opinions here and I've found them all useful in the manner I'll reply on this forum in the future!

Taz, I've always felt very welcomed here, and if I haven't it's because my reply probably wasn't very thoughtful or compassionate, that has taught me to "pause and consider before I put pen to paper" so to speak.

I'm very grateful for what everyone shares on SR, and I think it's beneficial to cross into another forum and share if we have some helpful experience. In the event that our share isn't in the best intent of helping the OP, then I hope a mod our member will respectfully inform us to consider our motives the next time we post.

OK I'm done babbling. Thanks for making me feel like a part of the family here.
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Old 07-25-2008, 10:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Tazman53
An idea to eleminate this might be a subforum where recovering alcoholics and "Freinds & Family" folks could meet?
There are many many forums already here where people from all forums post together...What is Recovery (previously called General Recovery), The Women's Forum, The Men's Forum, The Biker's Forum, Christians in Recovery, Spirituality, The Cafe...and more. I think your question is more "Will I offend anyone if I post here, or is it helpful?"

Taz, many of our members are double winners, having faced addiction themselves and also the heartbreak of loving someone who is addicted. The CoDA group I used to attend had about 30 members each meeting, and about half were also members of AA or NA who came to address their codependency issues (yes many addict/alcoholics are also codependent).

My personal feelings are that we all came to recovery from various roads, some from addiction, some as moms of addicts, some married to or related to or had a friend who was addicted. Once we hit the road of recovery, our paths run side by side. Usually only one word in Step One changes, we are powerless over___, and the remainder of the steps are the same. Our issues and how we apply the steps may differ.

That said, it is often helpful when someone like you, from the "addiction" side of recovery, posts here offering information or even support to our members. Our backs go up when addicts/alcoholics come here telling us what we "should" do, how we CAN keep our addicts clean and how we are to blame for any part of their addiction (just as yours would if we came over "there" and started telling you all how to work your program). That goes against our program and against our recovery philosophy, and against our Step One...We are powerless over addiction/others/alcohol (depending which fellowship we visit).

You've been with us a long time, Taz, and I don't recall you ever offending anyone, at least not on this side of recovery. You are welcome to post here, as is anyone, it doesn't break any rules. Shaming, blaming, flaming might, but I don't know you to have ever done any of those here.

The short version of all this is...You are most welcome to share here and support us and if you get out of line these wonderful loyal Codies will kick you to the curb with their steel toed bunny slippers...I know I will

Post anytime Taz, I think this thread overcomplicates the issue. Just watch your shins

Hugs
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Old 07-25-2008, 10:37 AM
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Yikes, for some reason I thought this was FFSA so please forgive my use of the word addiction, where alcoholism would be more appropriate.

Me and my bunny slippers are very sorry and slipping into the shadows once again.
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Old 07-25-2008, 07:00 PM
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You know I have left another website because I was "gently reprimanded" because a young woman asked for opinions on if she should her marry her alcoholic boyfriend. Well I gently gave her my opinion and then was told that wasn't the alanon way. I pray that someone would have sat me down 22 years ago and had been honest with me about what living with an alcoholic was all about. What I love about this site is that we can be supportive, caring yet honest here because we understand each other more than anyone else ever can. I value that someone who understands how my AH feels and lives and can help me to understand, If this isn't the place than maybe a separate forum is a great idea. The more we can help each side to understand the other the more healing that can take place. My marriage is over but I still pray my husband will find recovery someday. I think if he could go on this site and talk to other family members other than his own it would be as helpful and my talking to alcoholics, to understand the addiction, has been for me.
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Old 07-25-2008, 08:16 PM
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Hello Taz,

You have helped me also in the past and I think it would be a very big injustice for you to decide NOT to post here.....I for one second all the others with a very huge welcome and please stay banner.....

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Old 07-25-2008, 09:25 PM
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Over the years of coming here, the single greatest benefit I have received is gaining insight and knowledge of the complex, confusing and very unique problems associated with alcohol addiction. The most valuable input can only be achieved from people that have actually lived with the problem.... be it from a recovering alcoholic or someone very close to them. Before I found this forum, some of the best insight I gained into alcoholism came from my father, a recovering alcoholic. His counseling and input was an enormous asset for both myself and my AH in trying to deal with this baffling affliction - and we felt a huge void when my dad was no longer around to share his insight. His willingness to share his experiences and offer caring support to both myself and my AH, even when he was very ill, is probably was of the profound and positive memories of him that I still treasure to this day.

Taz, I too have found your contributions quite valuable and feel they have added a much needed perspective to our understanding of how to make better decisions and choices from the complex problems discussed on this forum. I have noticed your absence and felt the loss of your input. Sometimes without a variety of perspectives and contributions, we can get stuck in a rut of a singular point of view. Our forum is at its very best when there are variety of well thought out contributions coming from those who have lived with many varied situations and experiences - all associated with living and coping with the effects of alcohol addiction.
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Old 07-26-2008, 03:13 AM
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Taz,
Your honesty in these posts has helped me a great deal over the past year.
I believe if I were an alcoholic I would be honored to have you as a sponser.

You make no bones about the way things are with A's and their loved ones.
I thank you for each of your posts......
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Old 07-26-2008, 07:04 AM
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I always appreciate your wisdom~~ Post on brother.........
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