Jewel

Hi Guys,

My son was drunk for the full 5 days I was in Paris, and my sister relapsed on drink and drugs while we was in Paris, since getting back I have needed my space badly to recover. I have had to put my boundaries in place and stick to them.

My son has been coming round drunk a lot lately, I asked him the other day to respect my need to spend some time on my own and to give me some space.

I was reading a post yesterday, and it read ( you don't need people in your life who choose booze over you and your family )
I enlarged this and printed it out and put it on my wall in my office where I do my work from home.

I put up a picnic today, the weather is very hot, and me and my partner, who has admitted he is addicted to morphine, (progress) went out for a picnic.

(HONESTY) I always leave my window open slightly when I go out so my son can let himself in for food. (MISTAKE)

When I got back he had been round drunk, trashed my computer, (a friend has just repaired it for me) Written *******) in my alanon book, ripped down the printed out poster on my wall and ripped it to shreads and left me a relly nice letter (JOKE) I wont repeat it.

If I come back and post that I have left my window open and bought extra special food with a fridge full of goodies for my son to eat, will someone come back to me and give me a good roasting. I am beating myself with shovel at the moment.

Love and hugs

Jewel

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi Jewel...

This may be a dumb question, but is there some reason you can't just give your son food if you want him to have it? I don't get it. Are you afraid you're enabling him if you feed him? It's the same thing if you allow him to steal from you. And I'm not sure I'd want to reinforce the notion that it's okay to take what is not offered freely and openly. But please quit beating yourself with the shovel. If you feel like you made a mistake, just do the next right thing. It seems that providing a way for your son to get into your home when you are not there has been very costly.

I'm sorry your sister put such a damper on your vacation. Vacations are supposed to be restful... or stimulating... but not that kind of stimulation! I hope you managed to salvage some good times at least. Did you do or see anything cool while you were there? We all wanted to go with you, you know.

Progress not perfection. You let your guard down and got taken advantage of... now you're beefing up the security. That's good!

Hugs!
Smoke

Jewel

Thanks Smoke, yes we did do some good stuff in Paris, and if you'd all have been with me WoW that would have been great.

Went to Paris disney world that was magical, took me back to my childhood, went to the top of the Eiffel Tower, walked to the top of the Notra Damn, I had my portrait painted facing the tower, and guess what I looked a little sad, would you believe, but it is a good portrait of me, I was smiling. I walked so much while I was there I had blisters on my feet. The weather was beautiful and I really enjoyed the flight. (first time flying)

My son came round this evening, was full of remorse, crying and saying how sorry he was, he told me his drinking and using is completely out of control and he does want help, he said he is going to go to a meeting every night for the next 21 days, he is in a real mess.

Please help me not to fall for any more bull s**t, I really have had enough, or is he serious this time, I don't know. PLEASE will you all pray with me that something does change for him this time.

I told him this is his last chance, if he continues to choose drink and drugs in his life then I will have to keep him away from me, I will always Love him, I told him that. I have been enabling him to steal from me by leaving the window open (CRAZY) this is a sick illness, I have been giving him mixed messages.

Thanks for putting me straight. I need to be told directly for the penny to drop, I am a slow learner, but I am learning.

me and my son need your prayers, please say a prayer for us. I am going to go to bed now, I am tired, I will hand him over to God in my prayers before I go to sleep.

Love and hugs

Jewel

liddy

Hi (((JEWEL)))

wow- thinking of your trip to Paris, must of been wonderful.
I saw the duplicate of the Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas last mth.
not the real thing but probably as close as i am going to get !

Jewel my daughter is also an A and the past yr i have bounced
back and forth with hope then dispair when she would drink again.
I think we just have to let their actions speak and not their words
maybe this will be the time your son makes it into recovery, I need to keep the hope myself, as long as there is breath in them they have the chance to make it.
In the meantime we live this day only and do it the best we can.
I have learned to be happy and enjoy all that I do have.

many hugs to you
liddy

Gabe

You aren't doing yourself any good by beating yourself up. If you don't like the way this situation turned out, take some time to think about ways to make sure that it doesn't happen again. But don't you dare stop going on picnics.
Peace,
Gabe

Jewel

Liddy, you hit the nail on the head for me. Actions speak louder than words, that is it, I don't have to beleieve what he says anymore, I can watch what he does. This will help me today, your suggestions really help.

Some more please.

I would love to go to Las Vegas (WoW) I intend to visit America one day, Now I have flown once the world is my oyster, hey guys, I may be coming to see you guys one day. Paris was beautiful. My photo's are in for developing and they are coming back on a computer C.D. so I can email them to friends.

If anyone wants to send me a private message with their email address, I will choose a photo special to me and email it to you.

I slept well last night after saying my prayers. Today is a new day and I do have hope.

Love Jewel

EmotionalMeg

Hi Jewel,
Having a child who is an A has got to be the toughest... As your son grew up you learned to coddle and protect him, and now you are learning to "let go" and keep your "hands off". It doesn't seem fair.
But, it IS possible
Somehow, we have to let our A's struggle and fight and suffer long enough that they will find a "happier, healthier" way all on their own. Perhaps for you, this might mean keeping that window shut, and the door locked... but inviting him over for dinner once in a while. You can STOP lending him money if he asks... You can protect yourself AND your home, and that DOESN'T mean you don't love him anymore.
Sometimes the enabling we do isn't so obvious to us, until we stop and surrender... find a program, work it, and leave the rest up to God.
WE only suffer, if we CHOOSE to play the game.
My thoughts are with you
Meg