Where to find the courage to help yourself
 

I think that I am going through some sort of depression right now, I am letting myself go.

I went to weight watchers and actually started working there for a bit. I lost a good amount of weight and I had never felt better in my whole life. I was exercising, and walking and I had so much energy, I just know people could see it. I started going to a gym and I thought all of these things were for me. I was enjoying it, I liked going to the meetings, I like the way that I was looking, I was so proud that I could get in a size four, I dont think I was ever in a four in my life. I was excited and happy.

I had so many people tell me how I was looking like I had cancer and what was wrong with me. Once I got to 120 pounds I was maintaining that weight as I am only 5'3 and that is a really good weight, 115 is the lowest and 141 I think is the high range for that height.

I was so strong when I was going through this, nothing could detour me no matter what anyone said, I was determined to get to what I wanted and what I thought was the best for me

I have not gotten on the scale in atleast 6 months, I am now in a size 10 and I know that I am spiraling out of control, my addiction is food. I keep saying everyday to stop and that I will start eating healthy again, but I dont.

I am knowingly destroying what I worked so hard for. I am destroying my body. I know that it is not to late and that I can do something about it before it really gets out of control. But where do I find that strength??????

I feel like I have lost myself again, I am letting myself get pulled into self destruction.

I think what felt so good is that I was focusing on me and my needs. I was on a mission a mission for me!!!

How do I get me back as I feel like I am slipping away again. I have a lack of energy, I dont want to do anything, I am starting to not want to get off the couch again, I am literaling eating to feel better. I want to be alone, I have no patience with my kids, I just want to be left alone most of the time to wallo in self pity.

One thing that I know that is good, I am recognizing my actions and I am reaching out for help. I know also that no one can help me I have to help myself and I have to pull myself out of this. I just dont feel like I have it in me right now, but I know that I have to find it and get it in me, before it gets worse.

I keep saying baby steps, get on the treadmill for just five minutes, but when I go downstairs and I look at it, it makes me sick why??????

You are powerless -- turn it over to your higher power. Ask for help, it is there!

Hey Casey, one thing I've learnt about weight issues, seeing my mum and sister diet on and off for years, is that food like anything can become a control issue.

KWIM? When all around you is going to pot, when everything is out of control, you can always control what you put or don't put in your mouth. It's another form of self abuse (IMHO). Some eat too much, some too little, and many waver between the two. Food can become a comfort when we feel low, and a way to punish ourselves when we feel out of balance.

Again in my opinion, weight is not the issue, something else is getting you down, something you cannot admit and face just yet. Low self esteem, stress at work, with family?

When you find peace within your heart, your weight will be fine. Mind, body and spirit, they all connect, they all need to heal.

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi there, I've had a weight issue ALL my life. I have a hard time maintaining, i lose weight when depressed and gain it when happy. It's a vicious circle. Right now I'm a size 12/14. I'm not happy with that, yet last summer i was almost back to an 18. For me, like Lily said it's something else. I was told by my therapist that i could get to a size zero and not be happy. You need to find out what is making you truly unhappy and work on those things. For me, it's low self esteem and body image dysmorphia. My therapist told me to say thank you to every compliment. Maybe in time you can change your focus back to the gym or shopping or join an activity.

Believe me when i say that i know how you feel as my weight is on my brain 99% of the day ... work in progress here! In time, you will get yourself back. We've all been there and had a few bumps along the way :)

big hugs to you!