Should i go to an Al-Anon meeting?
 

Hi all,
I usually write over in the alcoholism forum as i am an alcoholic, but i was speaking with my mother today and she has suggestd i try out al-anon also. Both my parents are alcoholics but were both sober before i was born- howeve ri was brought up with my mum very early on in her sobriety and my dad - although a great man, is still quite extreme and wel...unbalanced i guess. So basically im just thinking would i actualy need to go? I mean i have never seen them boozing!But my mum was saying it will do me good as i was brought up with alcoholics all the same - although obviously it would have been much harder if they were drinking.
Im kind of in two minds...i would love to check it out but would feel very silly if i got there and ppl where like, you never even seen them drunk! You know... Any suggestions greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Unigirl,

Patterns persist in behavior. So some of the things you've learned are based in the alcoholism in your family. I would recommend going.

Redd

Hi unigirl, we have a slogan in Al-Anon:
"When anyone anywhere reaches out for help, let the hands of Al-Anon and Alateen always be there; and let it begin with me."

I've been attending Al-Anon for many years and we have all kinds of people in the meetings. Some live with active alcoholism, some with those in recovery, some who have lost someone to the disease and I have met many who did not grow up with the effects of active use--- but can trace it to a previous generation.

Al-Anon will help anyone who is willing to listen and learn and there is no judgement made about anyone who attends. It has helped me to unravel alot of disfunction in my life.

I highly recommend the program and hope you will try at least six meetings. If after that you find it's not for you (here comes another slogan) "We will gladly refund your misery."

Hi Unigirl,

I have been going to Alanon for 3 years. There are A LOT of recovering alcoholics who also benefit from Alanon. I used to see AA and Alanon as having black and white issues, but it's all gray. We can have some characteristics that fall under AA and some that fall under Alanon. One of my good friends is in both. It's about getting to the core and changing to healthy behaviors. That is my opinion anyway. I have also seen people go from Alanon to Love Addicts Anonymous. You will be welcome with loving arms. Our main speaker is from AA. It is advised to try 6 meetings to decide if Alanon is for you. You can be the judge if you think it will help you. Best wishes to you.

I think any alcoholic should give al-anon a try, even when there are no other alchies in the family.

I think we're all qualified (for al-anon) pretty much by default since we probably all have friends who are also alcoholics. Someone correct me if I'm wrong. I sure was welcome at the meetings I attended.

I learned so much about what my wife had been going through dealing with me. Invaluable information...

More than a few people involved other programs, that I know of, who come into the rooms of Al-Anon refer to themselves as double winners. :)

I have only attened 2 alanon meetings and just from those two meetings have more strentgh, support and courage to stay stong. I would also suggest to atleast give it a try.

Unigirl on my 3rd AA anniversary my AA sponsor strongly suggested that I start attending Alanon IMMEDIATELY. I was married to a sober alcoholic.

That was over 24 years ago now. I have NEVER regretted it for even a nano second. Alanon has help;ed me so much, not only with the sober hubby whom I later divorced, but with interacting with other alkies, actually with interacting with other people in general, and with my sponsees.

Alanon gave me a WHOLE NEW PERSPECTIVE on the 12 steps.

Give it a shot. You certainly will not be out of place with 2 parents that are alcoholics. Many many folks in Alanon now have sober parents, spouses, siblings, children, etc and they still go.

Alanon is not for the Alcoholic in your life. Alanon is FOR YOU.

Give it a shot and let us know how it goes.

Love and hugs,

Hi Unigirl,

My exabf was the alcoholic in my life. I started going to Al Anon shortly after we separated. One of my best friends is a recovering alcoholic and she decided outside of going to AA she would try Al Anon as her bf drank alot. She found it to be one of the best things for her. I sat and watched her in amazement as she had such compassion for those who were with alcoholics/addicts. It gave her new insight to both sides. It was defiantly a positive thing for her to do. She understood a little more of how her family felt. As i also would go to AA with her and my exabf and learned SO much there.

I think it's a good thing ;)

Hi,

I went to my 1st alanon meeting Sunday and am going tomorrow again. i felt very calm after leaving. hard to explain but I did not feel as alone as I did before I went!

Thankyou everyone for you positive and helpful comments back- after reading through them i have decided i will definately go along - i'll keep you all posted! Thanks again :)

Hello,

Last night I went to my first Al Anon meeting and I do feel a lot better about our situation... My fiance is starting to attend AA meetings, and I am going to be going to an open AA meeting with him... my question is this, he has expressed interest in seeing what an Al Anon meeting is all about, is he allowed to attend an Al Anon meeting with me so that he can see things on the other side so to speak? He is a week sober. (if that makes a difference)

Amelia, I don't see any reason why he couldn't go. No one is going to quiz you at the door to see if you qualify.

Why was all the blame put on me??
 

My abf of three years is now in rehab for 28 days. Things were very bad in the relationship. I was co-dependent, lied for him, picked him up in drunken stupors etc. He was on the verge of losing his job of 27 years and it was mandatory he get help. Of course I made all the arrangements packed and got him on the plane. After dropping him off I went back to his home and got all my personal belongings. Since he has been gone his family called and told me to stay away from him, changed the locks on his house and told me I was no good for him. Why am I getting the blame?

We have had a meeting by phone with the counselor and I informed him I am now attending Ala-non (Which has helped me) and I am no longer there to pick up after him. He responded I don't believe you! This is his third time relapsing and sorry to say it will not be his last.

I have learned through Ala-non many things about me and the so called relationship I was in. I just feel I don't understand why all the blame has been put on me? His family are all alcoholics also.

Well.................................... the alcoholic 'blaming you' is the 'alcoholic DENIAL'. It seems that both your ABF I hope to soon be XABF and his parents are liing in the 'Alcoholic reality' which is dramticly far removed from reality.

And yes, if hasn't got a clue yet, then 'rehab' won't do much for him.

Keep posting please, and keep going to Al anon. We are open 24/7 and we do care, very much, how you are doing.

Love and hugs,

Thank You Laurie and yes he has become my xabf since the day I dropped him at the airport. I have been reading alanon novels and attending meetings and now in the process of finding me again. I have a wonderful network of friends helping me through one day at a time. Its been 16 days and I feel much better I am free. Thanks for the caring and I will keep posting!

Absolutely!
That said, I'd have a few suggestions.
If there are multiple meetings available in your area, I wouldn't take him to your favorite meeting(s) - that way they stay your safe haven.
Also, see if you can locate any "Open Al-Anon" meetings, which can be attended by anyone for any reason. One of those meetings would be more appropriate, if you have that option. :)

Here are the risks of going: none. Here are the risks of not going: not being as happy and self-aware as you could be, not having the tools you'll learn there, not learning from the experience of others.

Seems like a no-brainer to me to try at least six meetings before deciding if you will continue.

Cyranoak

I am an alcoholic. 76 days sober! I just got back from an AA/ Alanon conference. It was amazing, moving, inspiring, unifying.
I didn't think I was an alcoholic at first for a few reasons. First, I had been addicted to marijuana for about four years, and after I quit that with miraculous help from Jesus, I thought that had been THE one and only addiction issue I personally would ever face. I didn't understand yet that addictions transfer, change shapes and grow.
Secondly, I started dating a charming and charismatic guy in 2006. He was wonderful and romantic, but I soon noticed he seemed to drink a bit too much. Soon my original picture of the alcoholic under the overpass took new shape : alcoholism looked like a Dr Jekyll /Mr Hyde boyfriend who tried to choke me if he'd had too many.
we broke up about 2 years later after a most tumultuous relationship. I had begun drinking a lot to keep up with him, and with the devastation of our break up I just got worse.
It has been about 4 years since we broke up, and the last time he conned me into being with him again was a year ago. I didn't grow up with addiction, beyond my mother's chocolate obsession and my sisters eating disorder, and a loving father who traveled often.The alcoholism in my family was farther removed than what I actually experienced.
I am wondering if Alanon could be for me. I am frustrated to still be obsessing over my ex and somehow loving him deep down despite his abuse if me. I just want to heal and truly escape him forever. I know he is very sick, but I don't think he feels any remorse after his evil behavior during blackouts. I am so insatiable for freedom right now. Thanks for listening and please help!

I have been in Al-Anon for two plus years, and only lived with a loved one with active addiction for four months.

Going has helped me to understand that I did not live active alcohol addiction when I was a kid, but both my parents did. They are both adult children of alcoholics and both sides of my family are rife with addiction.

Also for me it has helped with addiction outside of alcohol in the family too.

Al-Anon recommends six meetings before making a decision. They all have a different flavor so it is important to find one that fits for you.