He is not drinking, but traded that for...
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Join Date: Oct 2007
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He is not drinking, but traded that for...
....pills.
When I first met him he was heavy into the Rx drugs he got. Lorazapam, Vicodin, Soma. Pretty much anything he could get his doctor to give him for his anxiety and fake migraines. All he would do is sleep the weekend away. Same as the drinking, he wouldn't take any during the week because of work. During our separation he went from the pills to the drinking on the weekends. He still took the lorazapam for anxiety, but mixed it with alcohol.
Now since his DUI he has sworn off drinking and has pretty much slept the weekend away. The only time he was up was last evening when he went hunting with his buddies>He has been in bed since 10 am this morning.
I guess an addict is an addict. I guess I would rather have him sleeping from the pills than the obnoxious, loud, mean, slobbering drunk. Not that I like the pills though.
I am continuing to be happy and bubbly and repeat the 3 c's to myself. I am noting how much time he is sleeping along with how much actual time he is spending with the baby. I have a feeling somewhere down the road we will split and I want to be ready for a custody battle. Very sad but true.
Oh, I have had some strange dreams in the past few weeks. One is that he would just say he is walking away and leaving me with the baby and signing all rights to her over to me. Another is that something happens to him and he dies and I feel relieved. Very strange.
Comments welcome. Thanks.
When I first met him he was heavy into the Rx drugs he got. Lorazapam, Vicodin, Soma. Pretty much anything he could get his doctor to give him for his anxiety and fake migraines. All he would do is sleep the weekend away. Same as the drinking, he wouldn't take any during the week because of work. During our separation he went from the pills to the drinking on the weekends. He still took the lorazapam for anxiety, but mixed it with alcohol.
Now since his DUI he has sworn off drinking and has pretty much slept the weekend away. The only time he was up was last evening when he went hunting with his buddies>He has been in bed since 10 am this morning.
I guess an addict is an addict. I guess I would rather have him sleeping from the pills than the obnoxious, loud, mean, slobbering drunk. Not that I like the pills though.
I am continuing to be happy and bubbly and repeat the 3 c's to myself. I am noting how much time he is sleeping along with how much actual time he is spending with the baby. I have a feeling somewhere down the road we will split and I want to be ready for a custody battle. Very sad but true.
Oh, I have had some strange dreams in the past few weeks. One is that he would just say he is walking away and leaving me with the baby and signing all rights to her over to me. Another is that something happens to him and he dies and I feel relieved. Very strange.
Comments welcome. Thanks.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 633
I used to dream and think about my AH dying or just leaving (because frankly my life would have improved if he had). I realized then that I didn't love him anymore. I went to a counselor who told me that there was nothing wrong with me. If anything not loving and wanting to be rid of an addict who had emotionally, mentally and financially abused me was a normal healthy reaction. She stated that the women she really worried about were the ones who still loved their abusers.
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I am realizing that I do love him, but I am no longer in love with him. I am now motivated by fear. I swore when I got pregnant that I would not have joint custody of our little girl. My other kids had to go thru this, I wanted this one to have a perfect life free from joint custody. One home, 2 parents. Well, she has one home but one healthy parent and one that is MIA mentally.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
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Originally Posted by hadenoughnow 
I used to dream and think about my AH dying or just leaving (because frankly my life would have improved if he had). I realized then that I didn't love him anymore. I went to a counselor who told me that there was nothing wrong with me. If anything not loving and wanting to be rid of an addict who had emotionally, mentally and financially abused me was a normal healthy reaction. She stated that the women she really worried about were the ones who still loved their abusers.
Same exact dreams and my therapist said the same exact thing! Interesting. Startingover2-my AH swapped pills for coke, cough syrup for pot, liquor for beer, etc. I believe many do.
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Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 58
I am in the same situation as you are. My abf just got convicted of his 2nd dui and has been sober for about a month and a half. But....he has started smoking marajuana. He doesnt see the problem with it since he only does it in small increments and only after all of us (me and the children) have gone to sleep. He calls it "his time" 
We had our last conversation about a week ago about it and I made it clear as day that it is not to be in our home and he is not to be under the influence around us at all, under any circumstances. So far so good.. but I am not holding my breath.
Hang in there. You are not alone.
We had our last conversation about a week ago about it and I made it clear as day that it is not to be in our home and he is not to be under the influence around us at all, under any circumstances. So far so good.. but I am not holding my breath.
Hang in there. You are not alone.
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Join Date: Oct 2007
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Originally Posted by ronii
I am in the same situation as you are. My abf just got convicted of his 2nd dui and has been sober for about a month and a half. But....he has started smoking marajuana. He doesnt see the problem with it since he only does it in small increments and only after all of us (me and the children) have gone to sleep. He calls it "his time"
We had our last conversation about a week ago about it and I made it clear as day that it is not to be in our home and he is not to be under the influence around us at all, under any circumstances. So far so good.. but I am not holding my breath.
Hang in there. You are not alone.
We had our last conversation about a week ago about it and I made it clear as day that it is not to be in our home and he is not to be under the influence around us at all, under any circumstances. So far so good.. but I am not holding my breath.
Hang in there. You are not alone.
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Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 58
Well, he hasnt been sentenced yet. August 8th is the day.
He is going to try and get work project instead of jail time. His public defender told him he would get like 10 days for the hit and run, 15 for driving on a suspended license and the dui can run 4 to 120 days depending on how the judge feels that day.
I am unhappy with the fact that the jury found him guilty. It is a long story but the short version is he hit a car in the parking lot of kfc while backing out of his spot. He pretty much knocked off the bumper, and fled because he had no license. The highway patrol came to our door about an hour or so later and arrested him for a dui, hit and run and suspended license. He blew a .08 and then a .07....I really dont remember if he was drinking before hand but nevertheless the jury found him guilty.
Oh, btw this will be his second. His first was 3 years ago when he was only 20. And....this happened a year and a half ago and we thought we he was in the clear. The lawyer we hired initially told us that Sacramento county was so booked with dui cases that his was probably the back of the line if they would even prosecute because his BAC was so low. His lawyer has since died and we had no idea they were looking for him and had a warrant out for his arrest.
Anyway...we prayed while they were deliberating and apparantley this is what he needs...I told him maybe he will meet someone in jail or during those dui classes that will either change his life or he will change theirs..
Sorry for hijacking your thread...
He is going to try and get work project instead of jail time. His public defender told him he would get like 10 days for the hit and run, 15 for driving on a suspended license and the dui can run 4 to 120 days depending on how the judge feels that day.
I am unhappy with the fact that the jury found him guilty. It is a long story but the short version is he hit a car in the parking lot of kfc while backing out of his spot. He pretty much knocked off the bumper, and fled because he had no license. The highway patrol came to our door about an hour or so later and arrested him for a dui, hit and run and suspended license. He blew a .08 and then a .07....I really dont remember if he was drinking before hand but nevertheless the jury found him guilty.
Oh, btw this will be his second. His first was 3 years ago when he was only 20. And....this happened a year and a half ago and we thought we he was in the clear. The lawyer we hired initially told us that Sacramento county was so booked with dui cases that his was probably the back of the line if they would even prosecute because his BAC was so low. His lawyer has since died and we had no idea they were looking for him and had a warrant out for his arrest.
Anyway...we prayed while they were deliberating and apparantley this is what he needs...I told him maybe he will meet someone in jail or during those dui classes that will either change his life or he will change theirs..
Sorry for hijacking your thread...
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Originally Posted by ronii
I am unhappy with the fact that the jury found him guilty.
Sorry but I have no tolerance for drunk driving these days.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
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The only time he was up was last evening when he went hunting with his buddies
And by the way, what difference does it make what the consequences of his DUI conviction are? What's important is what are the consequences of his drinking and abuse on you and your child?
Last edited by FormerDoormat; 07-21-2008 at 08:23 PM.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I am unhappy with the fact that the jury found him guilty.
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Join Date: Oct 2007
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Well, he is living on Odouls now. He hasn't drank in 10 days now. Good I guess but the dry drunk, pity party, angry monster is not fun.
Its work week so he is sober and not even taking the pills. Guess thats why he is so angry.
If I could guarantee 100% sole custody of our 4 month old daughter I would gladly kick him out right now. I hope thats what I will hear at the appointment with the attorney. Even without the drinking the man isnt mentally stable. So hard to prove though.
Its work week so he is sober and not even taking the pills. Guess thats why he is so angry.
If I could guarantee 100% sole custody of our 4 month old daughter I would gladly kick him out right now. I hope thats what I will hear at the appointment with the attorney. Even without the drinking the man isnt mentally stable. So hard to prove though.
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