Brain vs Heart
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: south lake tahoe,ca
Posts: 17
Brain vs Heart
I have been with my wife for 16 years, seen 5 years of sobrity go by by about 6 years ago. I held on to hope that it would come back, seems to only be able to get 3 to 6 months then goes back out. In the last 7 months she has got 2 DUI, totaled one car, and could be going to jail. What I have a hard time with is listing to my brain, I seem to follow my heart which is not helping me. My brain tells me to get the hell out, I know this is what I should do. I have been in Al Anon for 2 years and it does help, that is why I'm thinking about leaving. I kow people can get sober, been sober 21 years myself, but a lot do not. How do I just start using my brain and do what is best for me, I know I will be OK but I just can't seem to get out. I need help and hope!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
There are times when we have to listen to our heads rather than our feelings. Feelings change. Feelings are not always reliable. Sometimes feelings are reactions to another person's behavior(s).
I assume you have a sponsor in Al-Anon. Have the two of you discussed this situation?
I assume you have a sponsor in Al-Anon. Have the two of you discussed this situation?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 169
I understand what you mean completely about brain vs. heart. I'm new to recovery, but I'm facing much the same situation with my partner of almost 18 years.
One thing that I've been thinking about lately is that a separation period is not the same as a divorce. I'm seriously thinking about enforcing a separation so that my partner can have time to reflect on her options for recovery. Also, it will give me a chance to really focus on myself apart from her drama.
I realize that a separation can be almost as complicated as a divorce. For example, in our case, it means we'd need to sell our house as neither one of us can afford it without the other.
I'd like to hear your thoughts about whether a separation period might work in your situation.
One thing that I've been thinking about lately is that a separation period is not the same as a divorce. I'm seriously thinking about enforcing a separation so that my partner can have time to reflect on her options for recovery. Also, it will give me a chance to really focus on myself apart from her drama.
I realize that a separation can be almost as complicated as a divorce. For example, in our case, it means we'd need to sell our house as neither one of us can afford it without the other.
I'd like to hear your thoughts about whether a separation period might work in your situation.
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
Perhaps it is more of the venture into the unknown that prevents you from taking that step? How have you managed to deal with change in the past? The last time your life took on a new direction or faced a major change, did you cope ok, or did you feel anxiety and stress?
Same, familiar is safe, change can seem scary sometimes. However change is a fundamental basic in life, even our own perceptions, dreams and ideas change from one moment to the next.
The only thing gaurenteed not to change, is that everything will always change.
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Same, familiar is safe, change can seem scary sometimes. However change is a fundamental basic in life, even our own perceptions, dreams and ideas change from one moment to the next.
The only thing gaurenteed not to change, is that everything will always change.
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
