How do you do it?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: pa
Posts: 90
How do you do it?
I just did exactly what I promised myself I wouldn't do. 
I posted below that I am new and my AH went out last night until 10:00 p.m. and had to be at work at 3:00 a.m. at a new job he just started a week ago. I swore to myself I was not going to say anything. And the first chance I got, I flipped out on him and asked how he could make us all worry about him. Why would he go to a bar blah, blah, blah!!!! Codie behavior completely set in.
He did the usual, I am sorry. I was foolish.
Thanks for listening, and if you have any advice, I sure would welcome it.
I posted below that I am new and my AH went out last night until 10:00 p.m. and had to be at work at 3:00 a.m. at a new job he just started a week ago. I swore to myself I was not going to say anything. And the first chance I got, I flipped out on him and asked how he could make us all worry about him. Why would he go to a bar blah, blah, blah!!!! Codie behavior completely set in.He did the usual, I am sorry. I was foolish.
Thanks for listening, and if you have any advice, I sure would welcome it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Remember that it took you a long time to get into bad habits/behaviors/choices and it will take time to break those habits/behaviors/choices too. Expect progress not perfection from yourself. At the very least, you know recognize when you are engaging in behaviors you don't want to.
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
You are only human! Remember to be kind to yourself, you can't expect to be prefect - at least not straight away!!!
You recognised what happened - starting to develop that necessary sense of self awareness for your recovery.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Progress not Perfection is a great tool - please allow yourself to make mistakes and to learn from those mistakes.
Another tool that was given to me was
"does this need to be said?"
"does this need to be said, now?"
"does this need to be said, now, by me?"
and
"if this is said by me know - really what good will it accomplish? anything different from what I have tried in the past?"
These are some of the questions I tried to pass thru my thoughts before venting those same ole thoughts at the A's in my life - Usually by the time I got thru it - I realized "If I kept doing what I have always done, I will keep getting what I have always gotten."
Sometimes just becoming aware of what we are doing is the best lesson.
((HUGS))
Rita
Another tool that was given to me was
"does this need to be said?"
"does this need to be said, now?"
"does this need to be said, now, by me?"
and
"if this is said by me know - really what good will it accomplish? anything different from what I have tried in the past?"
These are some of the questions I tried to pass thru my thoughts before venting those same ole thoughts at the A's in my life - Usually by the time I got thru it - I realized "If I kept doing what I have always done, I will keep getting what I have always gotten."
Sometimes just becoming aware of what we are doing is the best lesson.
((HUGS))
Rita
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
I once heard an analogy where it was compared to potty training, lol! When a child is learning to use the toilet, the first step is recognizing that they have already done it in their pants. (After the fact, much like when we do something and recognize only afterward that we are repeating the behavior we wish to change.)
The next step is recognizing it is happening right now! The child realizes they are going, but it's still too late to make it to the toilet. (Or we recognize what we are saying while we are saying it.)
Finally, the child recognizes the urge to go before it happens. This is when the potty training starts to show success, but the child has already worked through the first two (most difficult) stages. (When we recognize the urge to engage before we actually do it, we are well on our way to changing the behavior.)
And, just like in potty training, there will be "accidents" or "setbacks" while we consciously work on the new behavior until it becomes automatic or second nature.
L
The next step is recognizing it is happening right now! The child realizes they are going, but it's still too late to make it to the toilet. (Or we recognize what we are saying while we are saying it.)
Finally, the child recognizes the urge to go before it happens. This is when the potty training starts to show success, but the child has already worked through the first two (most difficult) stages. (When we recognize the urge to engage before we actually do it, we are well on our way to changing the behavior.)
And, just like in potty training, there will be "accidents" or "setbacks" while we consciously work on the new behavior until it becomes automatic or second nature.
L
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by Jazzman 
So then it follows that if you're not attuned to your urges you end up pooping yourself?
L
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Hahahahahaha!!! Thanks to all for a great laugh
(((Worried Wife))) -- Don't be too hard on yourself, honey. Just learning about the whole codependency/addict dance is a great first step. It was very eye-opening to me and still is. Keep coming back and keep reading. And try not to engage, particularly if he is under the influence (you probably have already learned that one on your own).
(((Worried Wife))) -- Don't be too hard on yourself, honey. Just learning about the whole codependency/addict dance is a great first step. It was very eye-opening to me and still is. Keep coming back and keep reading. And try not to engage, particularly if he is under the influence (you probably have already learned that one on your own).
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Originally Posted by Japic05
"does this need to be said?"
"does this need to be said, now?"
"does this need to be said, now, by me?"
and
"if this is said by me know - really what good will it accomplish? anything different from what I have tried in the past?"
"does this need to be said, now?"
"does this need to be said, now, by me?"
and
"if this is said by me know - really what good will it accomplish? anything different from what I have tried in the past?"
Rita, this is fabulous. Thanks. :ghug
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