Now She's Getting Hit
 

My soon to be XAW, living in another state, is now sending me e-mails on a regular basis saying that she is getting beat up. She doesn't give me details, and I know there is nothing I can do but beg her to get help and get out of whatever situation she is in. Even that, I know, won't really do anything. After all, all my begging for her to quit drinking never did.

I feel so helpless. I at least recognize from my visits to this board that it isn't my job to rescue her, that she has to do that for herself, and that there even is probably some manipulation at work here in her telling me these things (our divorce is almost final). It's just so heartbreaking that this is happening to someone I love so much.

I just had to share.

Just keep in mind that she may not be getting hit at all. It sounds like you know the drill very well, and it boils down to manipulation. If she is getting hit, I hope she has the ability to dial 911, go to a shelter, or get a restraining order.

Nobody needs to remain an addict unless they choose to.

Nobody needs to get hit unless they choose to allow it.

And I know. My exAH hit me many times before I finally said, "enough!"

If "getting hit" is negative enough to make her email you, then why can she not email/contact local police. Sorry to say but it sure sounds like very possible manipulation.

Sadly it is "feeling the negative consequences" that motivates an addict to get sober.

Im sorry your struggling with this one hon...

My ex use to send me messages, phone calls .... etc..... and it hurt deeply every single time he would pull me back into the mix... My sponsor at the time gave me some really inspiring thoughts. Change your phone number, block the e-mail address and if I was serious about my recovery go no contact.

That was SO hard.... the first month I felt I was cutting off my right arm, the second month it just ripped at my heart.... it took me over 6 months to get out of the fog. But I healed... slowly I healed. I use to read this poem over and over when I thought about reaching out to him again. I hope it helps you:

To lose you as a love was painful. To lose you as a friend is equally painful. But lost you are. The walls are soooo high, and that finely honed saber I had when I began storming your citadel isn't even sharp enough to slash my wrist. It is not that I don't care.... It's just that I can't let myself care any more.

The layers I have put around the pain of your going are thin... I walk softly through life, adding thickness each day... A thought or a feeling of you cracks the surface... A call to you shatters it all ..... And I spend that night in death...Spinning the first layer of life with the sunrise.

Sometimes we can choose the depth of pain we live in...