Thought I was stronger
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 84
Thought I was stronger
It has been one month since I got laid off from my full time job. My AH works 2 to 3 nights a week and has been soliciting jobs for me--kinda like a pimp?! I am applying for jobs on my own but the economy and whatnot, times are tough. He had a new offer for me that he was told about--dressing up like an ice cream cone 4 hours a day/7 days a week and standing on the side of the road. I know a job is a job, and people do what they have to, but I feel he brought me this offer as a way to humiliate me.
I told him to mind his own business and that I would find my own job. He then unleashed a truck load of insults at me that I did not respond to. He ended by saying that he would never, ever leave the kids with a crazy person like me. Today it just broke me. I was supposed to visit with a friend today and had been looking forward to seeing her. I even did my nails! But I just couldn't fake my way through it today--I am sure you all know what I mean. I know I allowed him to get to me, and usually I don't, but today I am hurt.
I feel like a stranger in my house and in my skin. Meanwhile the bills are piling up and I have to find a job as it is obvious he is not going to step up. My children deserve better than a mother like me and a life like the one I am giving them. I just need to get through this today.
I told him to mind his own business and that I would find my own job. He then unleashed a truck load of insults at me that I did not respond to. He ended by saying that he would never, ever leave the kids with a crazy person like me. Today it just broke me. I was supposed to visit with a friend today and had been looking forward to seeing her. I even did my nails! But I just couldn't fake my way through it today--I am sure you all know what I mean. I know I allowed him to get to me, and usually I don't, but today I am hurt.
I feel like a stranger in my house and in my skin. Meanwhile the bills are piling up and I have to find a job as it is obvious he is not going to step up. My children deserve better than a mother like me and a life like the one I am giving them. I just need to get through this today.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Did I understand that correctly? He's working 2-3 nights a week, yet instead of finding more work for himself he's finding jobs for you? Why? So you can support him in the manner he has become accustomed to? And the benefit of this arrangement for you is what?
L
L
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Motown
Posts: 122
Wow, you are in such a tough place right now. I’m so sorry for that. It’s hard enough living with an ah, but throw in a job loss, bills and this economy - perfect recipe for depression.
Whatever he meant with the ice cream job, whatever. Let it be. Your down to begin with, so that can make you more vulnerable to bs. We can be strong most of the time, but sometimes things just get to us.
It’s ok for you to have a bad day. Take it easy on yourself today. Tomorrow can be different.
When I’m stressing, I talk to the kids (8 & 10). I apologize for being cranky, tell them why I’m having a bad day (week, month), and I am always amazed at their understanding.
Keep going with the job hunt. Use a headhunter or monster or career builders if you can. All you can do is your best. Cut yourself a little slack and push on.
And, as usual, LTD has a great perspective on things!
hugs,
juju
Whatever he meant with the ice cream job, whatever. Let it be. Your down to begin with, so that can make you more vulnerable to bs. We can be strong most of the time, but sometimes things just get to us.
It’s ok for you to have a bad day. Take it easy on yourself today. Tomorrow can be different.
When I’m stressing, I talk to the kids (8 & 10). I apologize for being cranky, tell them why I’m having a bad day (week, month), and I am always amazed at their understanding.
Keep going with the job hunt. Use a headhunter or monster or career builders if you can. All you can do is your best. Cut yourself a little slack and push on.
And, as usual, LTD has a great perspective on things!
hugs,
juju
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 84
Thank you for your replies--you both made me smile. I learned a year ago he allowed his green card to expire (he's from England)--it was the one thing I did not do for him and he uses it as his excuse to say he can only work a few hours per week.
The benefit for me, when I was working, was free child care for our children as I cannot afford to have them both in daycare--they are 4 & 2. It's a messed up situation. I have been going to college online for the last two years trying to earn my BA. I just wish he would go. It was very hard to keep my cool when I'd get home from work and then have to work on papers at 3:00 in the morning while he slept. I'm just tired of having to always try to be one step ahead of him.
The benefit for me, when I was working, was free child care for our children as I cannot afford to have them both in daycare--they are 4 & 2. It's a messed up situation. I have been going to college online for the last two years trying to earn my BA. I just wish he would go. It was very hard to keep my cool when I'd get home from work and then have to work on papers at 3:00 in the morning while he slept. I'm just tired of having to always try to be one step ahead of him.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
The human spirit is smarter than we give it credit for, OverIt.
There was a time in my life with an A where I too had to look for a new job. I couldnt' figure out why nothing was coming my way...I mean, I was smart and had an okay resume and all that.
One night I had a dream where I was going to work in this long, dark factory, noisy, scary, ugly, etc. Day in and day out in the dream, I'd go to this factory, and when I'd come home, there would be my X, in a comfortable plush recliner, watching TV and drinking beer while one of those persian-style slave girls fanned him with a big fan.
My HP knew, even when I didn't, that any job I got would just go into paying for his cushy lifestyle of not working and complaining that he couldn't. I was sabotaging myself inside, because I resented the fact that my money wasn't going to be mine anyway.
You're in a very unfair situation. Does he drink when he's watching the kids?
Have you given him any kind of time limit, after which he has to start pulling his weight?
There was a time in my life with an A where I too had to look for a new job. I couldnt' figure out why nothing was coming my way...I mean, I was smart and had an okay resume and all that.
One night I had a dream where I was going to work in this long, dark factory, noisy, scary, ugly, etc. Day in and day out in the dream, I'd go to this factory, and when I'd come home, there would be my X, in a comfortable plush recliner, watching TV and drinking beer while one of those persian-style slave girls fanned him with a big fan.
My HP knew, even when I didn't, that any job I got would just go into paying for his cushy lifestyle of not working and complaining that he couldn't. I was sabotaging myself inside, because I resented the fact that my money wasn't going to be mine anyway.
You're in a very unfair situation. Does he drink when he's watching the kids?
Have you given him any kind of time limit, after which he has to start pulling his weight?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by OverItNow 
Thank you for your replies--you both made me smile. I learned a year ago he allowed his green card to expire (he's from England)--it was the one thing I did not do for him and he uses it as his excuse to say he can only work a few hours per week.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 84
Thanks again! GL--I have the same dream, only his stomach gets larger the more hours I toil. He does not drink when he watches the kids--I only know this because as soon as I came home, he'd be out the door for "a break" from them.
Barbara--I believe it is too late for the traditional route. I have done my own research into this and options are either an attorney (no money) or I would have to sign an affidavit wherein I would be financially responsible (already am) for him for up to 4 years. If I signed this document, it would bar me for applying for any kind of state aid--Medicaid, food stamps, etc. for those four years--whether or not we lived together. It is his intention that we all pack up and go to England. His crazy family would love it. I would not go to the next city with this man, never mind another country. I think he is trying to make it as hard as possible until I cave.
I have a fantasy that he would go back on his own and get his stuff straightened out. Once he left the US, he would be barred from re-entering for 10 years. He'd then get a job and contribute to the support of his children and I would be able to sleep and raise them with peace. I know, it's not a "normal" fantasy but it's all I got.
Barbara--I believe it is too late for the traditional route. I have done my own research into this and options are either an attorney (no money) or I would have to sign an affidavit wherein I would be financially responsible (already am) for him for up to 4 years. If I signed this document, it would bar me for applying for any kind of state aid--Medicaid, food stamps, etc. for those four years--whether or not we lived together. It is his intention that we all pack up and go to England. His crazy family would love it. I would not go to the next city with this man, never mind another country. I think he is trying to make it as hard as possible until I cave.
I have a fantasy that he would go back on his own and get his stuff straightened out. Once he left the US, he would be barred from re-entering for 10 years. He'd then get a job and contribute to the support of his children and I would be able to sleep and raise them with peace. I know, it's not a "normal" fantasy but it's all I got.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 169
Originally Posted by OverItNow
Oh believe me, I've thought about it! Gotta just make sure that I'm not culpable for "harboring" him.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
