Detaching from RAF
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Cincinnati Ohio
Posts: 94
Detaching from RAF
I'm so happy 
with myself. Just have to share how good it feels to stand up for myself and to practice detachment. Wow!
Spent yesterday in a business meeting (I'm now a CEO of my own company) with 5 men. I prepared an agenda and ran a very good meeting. RAF (Recovering Alcoholic Friend and business partner) sat to the right of me. He evidences Dry Drunk behavior. Another full-blown A was downing Screwdrivers (3) across from him.
The meeting was moving along very well until the RAF & A had some "words" about whether A was "in" or "out". RAF was getting ready to DEMAND an immediate answer. I did stop them - could have let it go further, but I was in charge of the meeting! We had important matters to cover and did not need to be diverted by egotistical drunken behavior.
I don't know exactly what I said, but RAF shut up and I asked A some further questions.
Later, RAF started to "come at me" in the car on the return trip home. I said, "Here it comes!" He backed off, made some minor threats of this or that and finally conceded that A might be able to bring some investors to the table and that was the point of the entire meeting - to bring in other investors! So, I'm thinking "Why would RAF shoot himself in the foot? Is he trying to sabotage the progress we have made?" He cooled off. I held my cool and sense of humor. We parted.
As he left, I bid him "Goodbye" and wished him a good trip to wherever he was going this weekend. Said I would see him next week and did it with ease!
I have a great weekend planned and don't need him in it! I'm feeling so much stronger now. Knowing I can CHOOSE how to react is incredible. I'm DOING IT and loving it! I'm finally loving myself enough to stand up for myself.
with myself. Just have to share how good it feels to stand up for myself and to practice detachment. Wow! Spent yesterday in a business meeting (I'm now a CEO of my own company) with 5 men. I prepared an agenda and ran a very good meeting. RAF (Recovering Alcoholic Friend and business partner) sat to the right of me. He evidences Dry Drunk behavior. Another full-blown A was downing Screwdrivers (3) across from him.
The meeting was moving along very well until the RAF & A had some "words" about whether A was "in" or "out". RAF was getting ready to DEMAND an immediate answer. I did stop them - could have let it go further, but I was in charge of the meeting! We had important matters to cover and did not need to be diverted by egotistical drunken behavior.
I don't know exactly what I said, but RAF shut up and I asked A some further questions.
Later, RAF started to "come at me" in the car on the return trip home. I said, "Here it comes!" He backed off, made some minor threats of this or that and finally conceded that A might be able to bring some investors to the table and that was the point of the entire meeting - to bring in other investors! So, I'm thinking "Why would RAF shoot himself in the foot? Is he trying to sabotage the progress we have made?" He cooled off. I held my cool and sense of humor. We parted.
As he left, I bid him "Goodbye" and wished him a good trip to wherever he was going this weekend. Said I would see him next week and did it with ease!
I have a great weekend planned and don't need him in it! I'm feeling so much stronger now. Knowing I can CHOOSE how to react is incredible. I'm DOING IT and loving it! I'm finally loving myself enough to stand up for myself. 
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Still learning,
It is funny how in the 1st step we admit out powerlessness and as we progress we gain more power than ever imagined. Choice IS power! For too long we give up our power of choice and when we get it back so many door open.
So....why IS there drinking at your meetings?
Hugs,
JT
It is funny how in the 1st step we admit out powerlessness and as we progress we gain more power than ever imagined. Choice IS power! For too long we give up our power of choice and when we get it back so many door open.
So....why IS there drinking at your meetings?
Hugs,
JT
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Cincinnati Ohio
Posts: 94
Thanks for the encouragement and support. We met at O'Charley's. The guys ordered what they wanted. Some drank beer, some drank soft drinks and I drank tea. It was their choice to drink what they wanted to drink.
I don't think booze is a good idea at a meeting, but yesterday it certainly helped me understand who will be part of our team. It's amazing to me to see people choose to destroy themselves - slow suicide! And, then there are the others who are choosing to treat themselves with dignity and respect. I have no control over them, but I can choose to set boundaries in future meetings. Maybe have breakfast meetings instead, but then maybe they would order Bloody Mary's.
I don't think booze is a good idea at a meeting, but yesterday it certainly helped me understand who will be part of our team. It's amazing to me to see people choose to destroy themselves - slow suicide! And, then there are the others who are choosing to treat themselves with dignity and respect. I have no control over them, but I can choose to set boundaries in future meetings. Maybe have breakfast meetings instead, but then maybe they would order Bloody Mary's.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
I had y'all pictured in a board room having drinks.....not at O'Charleys....that explains it.
Ya know what though......if it were me at a business meeting and the person "in charge" of the meeting (you) didn't order an alcoholic beverage, I would NEVER have ordered one....regardless if it were on the menu or not! Just goes to show how different people are!
Thanks for shining the light on that for me.....WOW am I nosey!
Peace, Constant
Ya know what though......if it were me at a business meeting and the person "in charge" of the meeting (you) didn't order an alcoholic beverage, I would NEVER have ordered one....regardless if it were on the menu or not! Just goes to show how different people are!
Thanks for shining the light on that for me.....WOW am I nosey!
Peace, Constant
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Good for you still learning.
About those abbreviations though...
I saw your post title and wondered why in the world you needed to detach from the Royal Air Force. I mean, I could see it... but.... LOL!
About those abbreviations though...
I saw your post title and wondered why in the world you needed to detach from the Royal Air Force. I mean, I could see it... but.... LOL!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Cincinnati Ohio
Posts: 94
That's funny! Royal Air Force. I need a new handle for a "Recovering Alcoholic Friend". Any suggestions are welcome! Maybe DDF - Dry Drunk Friend. All I know is that he is working on being sober - doesn't drink - quit quite a few years ago, but still hangs out with those who do and that (of course) is something I wonder about. 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
GOOD FOR YOU !!!!!
Wow, you handled that great! Very proud of you.
SMOKE! I tell ya girlie! You never cease to make me laugh from tea spewing out of your nose to blue toenails.....
Much Love,
2many
SMOKE! I tell ya girlie! You never cease to make me laugh from tea spewing out of your nose to blue toenails.....
Much Love,
2many
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Cincinnati Ohio
Posts: 94
Well ... Many thanks again for your encouragement. It really helps me to be thinking of what you all have send my way as I pull away from this situation.
Last night at the art /music event at our studio complex, an artist upstairs had a psychic lady. Thought I would just ask the question of who this guy was in my "past life". I knew (in my mind) that he was a Viking - huge man, powerful. And, without my telling her, she said he was a powerful, huge, man dressed in furs and had many wives, and was in fact, a terrible, awful bully (to put it mildly). She said I was one of many wives, but I was the one chosen by my family to marry this powerful man to enhance their status. I put the dinner on the table, did the duties, produced the children, but she pointed out that I was ISOLATED from the others! Whew! And, she said he would KILL those who challenged him (males) and would rather die fighting (and did) when he was older and the younger leaders were moving into place.
I asked her about NOW - what is happening now. She said he is a man that can't give back - wants to - is working on it, but doesn't have the tools (funny word to use - I wonder ) At any rate, she said he is an interesting person, but definitely not my PARTNER - romantic, specifially. And of course, I'm wondering, PARTNER - business partner. I don't think so. I'm going to keep it where he works FOR me this time!
I'm thinking all this through - because it confirms a lot of my feelings about him. He is immature and wants a tremendous amount of "fawning" by females. Sounds familiar doesn't it? At any rate, I'm moving on and thanking you all again for caring!
Many thanks again for your encouragement. It really helps me to be thinking of what you all have send my way as I pull away from this situation.Last night at the art /music event at our studio complex, an artist upstairs had a psychic lady. Thought I would just ask the question of who this guy was in my "past life". I knew (in my mind) that he was a Viking - huge man, powerful. And, without my telling her, she said he was a powerful, huge, man dressed in furs and had many wives, and was in fact, a terrible, awful bully (to put it mildly). She said I was one of many wives, but I was the one chosen by my family to marry this powerful man to enhance their status. I put the dinner on the table, did the duties, produced the children, but she pointed out that I was ISOLATED from the others! Whew! And, she said he would KILL those who challenged him (males) and would rather die fighting (and did) when he was older and the younger leaders were moving into place.
I asked her about NOW - what is happening now. She said he is a man that can't give back - wants to - is working on it, but doesn't have the tools (funny word to use - I wonder
) At any rate, she said he is an interesting person, but definitely not my PARTNER - romantic, specifially. And of course, I'm wondering, PARTNER - business partner. I don't think so. I'm going to keep it where he works FOR me this time! I'm thinking all this through - because it confirms a lot of my feelings about him. He is immature and wants a tremendous amount of "fawning" by females. Sounds familiar doesn't it? At any rate, I'm moving on and thanking you all again for caring!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Cincinnati Ohio
Posts: 94
Well, I made it through the weekend. It was difficult, but today I am finally CALM and feeling so much better toward H (him). We met today and had a nice morning doing business matters. My back is in spasm (still). I was happy to come home today after lunch and rest, then I got a massage. I'm sitting here with one of those heat patches on my back.
I feel okay now. I feel very calm and peaceful. It really feels GOOD! I have decided it is good for me to be loving toward H. I do love him and that's that. I'll have my ups and downs with these feelings, I'm sure. But, right now it's just easier to love than to hate or "suppose" and do a lot of "what iffing". I feel happy knowing I don't have to take responsibility for what he does or what he feels - that's his!!! And, I'm glad it's his!
I feel okay now. I feel very calm and peaceful. It really feels GOOD! I have decided it is good for me to be loving toward H. I do love him and that's that. I'll have my ups and downs with these feelings, I'm sure. But, right now it's just easier to love than to hate or "suppose" and do a lot of "what iffing". I feel happy knowing I don't have to take responsibility for what he does or what he feels - that's his!!! And, I'm glad it's his!
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