Alcoholic parents
 

When I was 14, I was handed a joint and I smoked it. I liked it. I tried everything from pot to acid. I hung out with the wrong crowd and one of the dope heads accidentally shot me in the chest and missed my heart by 1/4". And while I may not have addiction running through my veins, the handful of times I did coke, I knew right off that I liked it too much and it could be dangerous.

When I was 19, I came to the realization that I wanted my life to be different. I joined the military, got a responsible job and left all the dope heads and everything behind me. And that was the end of my irresponsible days. Simple as that. I didn't even have kids or a spouse pleading for me to stop. I just knocked off all the nonsense. And I don't think my parents even knew how much into it all I was.

Fast forward to now. Would it feel good to have coke running through my body? Probably so. I'll never know, that was over 20 years ago. Something changed when I had children. As much as I didn't drink much before I had them, I'd never be even buzzed around them. Parents, in my opinion, are caretakers before anything else....... and that includes being an alcoholic.

My AH says he'd die for our children. What horse crap. He won't stop drinking for them. He won't stop satisfying himself first every single day. To the extent that our kids will likely join the rest of the ranks of kids who are products of divorce. Why? Because my AH likes to be numb. Because he is so miserable. Because, because, because, whatever. We all have choices to make in life. Staying with an alcoholic is starting to appear to me just as equally irresponsible as his choice to keep drinking.

I told AH this week that I'd stop talking about his drinking. He seemed so happy with that. He hasn't gone to a meeting today. He usually never misses on Saturdays. I think he's testing me to see what I'll say. Nothing. I took the kids to play tennis this morning, then to breakfast, then home to clean house for a while and then to the mall. And he has the nerve to come over this morning and start rubbing my back..... Way to pretend. I literally cringed when he touched me. But I didn't say anything.

I did spend some time online today looking at properties for me and the kids. Oh, and I picked up his used tobacco spitball off the carpet and dropped it into his briefcase. Bad me.

I've seen alcoholic parents post that they hope they can stay sober. I hope I can keep cocaine out of my nose. I hope I don't take my 401k to Vegas and put it all on a craps table. I hope I don't have an orgy with all of the Chippendales..... without protection. I hope I don't drive through my neighborhood and mow down every mailbox in it. Wait, no, I don't really hope that all that stuff won't happen. I know they won't happen. If for no other reason than the fact that I have two young children who need my love, guidance and protection. That's enough for me.

Sorry for the rant. Going to take a shower and take the kids bowling and to the mall. If AH is still passed out, I may turn the A/C off before I leave since he's "cold".

I shoudn't be laughing as it was a serious post, but am, the Chippendales scenario sounds pretty good to me :-)

Thanks Sweetiepie, it can't all be serious all the time. I wonder where all the single 40+ year old women hang out? I only have one friend who is divorced (and she's HAPPY). I know the divorce rate is really high, but don't know many people who are divorced.

I'm better off divorced (not my A) and am happier away from my Exa too but it would be nice to meet a nice man.

All the singles nights seem to be meat markets (not my thing). Online dating doesn't thrill me either, all they seem to ever want to know is what size bra I wear and if I'm up for casual sex :-(

Oh Lordy, I know it's a serious rant, but....................................your SENSE OF HUMOR is creeping in and that is excellent!!!!!!!

You go girl. You certainly are showing that your priorities are in order, you and the kids FIRST.

The Chippendale comment just cracked me up to no end, roflmfao. And I agree, if he's 'cold', then, of course, turn off the air, lol.

Go have fun bowling, and the mall with the kids, and what the heck maybe even go for Pizza for supper. That way y'all are fed and happy.

Have fun!!!!!!!!

Love and hugs,

funny how humor sooths the heart ache. but i'd like to see the expression on his face when he opens up the briefcase would be worth every bit of effort to bend over and pick it up .. not bad you ! I say right on you go gurl ! today your clean an sober , dont think bout tomarrow your doing it today and that's what counts the most .. peace be with you

Hey neighbor! Your in L'ville, I'm right outside of Lex.
I'm almost 37yo - when you find out a good, safe, happening place for us soon-to-be-single-again old ladies to hang out, let me know!
I only have one friend in the state and she MARRIED and HAPPY - blech..... ;o)

Your post isn't funny, but in a way it really was, thanks for the laugh.