Mambo Queen

Hey folks. I once again find myself wanting to leave my AH, but having a hard time pulling the trigger because of his inability to support himself. He has massive debts, and like a lot of alcoholics, an allergy to WORKING. All of this is part and parcel of why I want to GET OUT, but the thought of having my law-school-graduate husband (yes, he's a law school grad) and father of our beautiful daughter living as a literal homeless man on the streets causes me all sorts of guilt and pain. It makes me sometimes think that I should just stick things out and accept his not working because at least he won't be on the streets, and sometimes when he's not working he actually is able to maintain his sobriety. It seems the "stress" of "working demeaning jobs" is what always drives him to drink. I put the following in quotes, because I actually think that's ********, but again, sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be better to have a dry drunk spouse that refuses to work but isn't out on the streets, or an alcoholic, homeless ex who probably will continue to try to wheedle money and favors out of me. Is there anyone on this threads whose ex ended up homeless after your divorce? How did you handle this?

Barbara52

My xAH will be homeless on or about Aug 7 when our house sale closes. As sad as that fact makes me, it is the result of his choices, his refusal to get a job to support himself. his refusal to admit to his alcoholism and get into recovery.

I refuse to feel any responsibilty for this since I sure as heck tried my best when we were married to get him to change. The only thing I could do was to act to protect myself and to go after a better life for me and my sons.

LaTeeDa

So you feel you are responsible for making sure he has a roof over his head? Even though he doesn't feel any of the responsibility for himself? He is over 18, right? You are his wife, not his mother, right? Maybe it's time for you to let him grow up.......

L

bookwyrm

Mambo Queen, I have the same worry. Its just pure co dependency speaking! Let it go and detaching is easy enough to say but harder to do! But I'm getting there, slowly but surely. Hope you do too. :ghug3

hadenoughnow

My STBX only worked 3-6 months a year for the past 8-9 years. I threw him out and guess what? He has not been laid off at all and works OT now (beer is expensive you know). He is pulling this crap because you let him get away with it, I bet he would get a job in no time if he had to.