Al-Anon Meeting Protocol
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Wailuku, Maui, Hawaii
Posts: 6
Al-Anon Meeting Protocol
I've been to two al-anon meetings now, and I'm getting a feel for what goes on but I still need help. There is a certain protocol that is followed, and I've unsuccessfully googled trying to find some guidelines for new attenders. I observe that people listen to someone sharing, but they don't respond. I can understand possibly why it might be, but it seems unnatural and I can't find anything written that tells me exactly why it is.
I also would like to know what other unwritten rules I need to go by when I attend meetings. I had a question about someone's share, but I didn't know what to do about it.
It can get awkward for new attenders especially because we are already outside of our comfort zone, and we're trying to find the courage to share something but at the same time we don't know when we're not supposed to speak.
And so I guess I'm asking anyone who regularly attends al-anon (or I guess any AA-type) meetings, what do I need to know? Please tell me what's expected or what's not appropriate. Two things I know are 1) we go by first names and 2) everything is to be kept confidential.
Thank you! Love this forum!
I also would like to know what other unwritten rules I need to go by when I attend meetings. I had a question about someone's share, but I didn't know what to do about it.
It can get awkward for new attenders especially because we are already outside of our comfort zone, and we're trying to find the courage to share something but at the same time we don't know when we're not supposed to speak.
And so I guess I'm asking anyone who regularly attends al-anon (or I guess any AA-type) meetings, what do I need to know? Please tell me what's expected or what's not appropriate. Two things I know are 1) we go by first names and 2) everything is to be kept confidential.
Thank you! Love this forum!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 444
I have only been going to al-anon for about 6 months, and no expert on protocol. We had a newcomer recently who asked this question during the meeting. The answer from the "old-timers" was something like during the meeting is time for sharing only and no "cross talk". Each person just gets to talk. But, after the meeting they encouraged anyone to talk with others and ask questions or seek other's advice. Hope that helps.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 646
My experience at meetings is that cross talk (which is interrupting, carrying on a conversation with the person that just shared, giving advice, or talking to your neighbor while others are sharing) is discouraged. If a new-comer does this it is a non event and no one says anything. If a new comer asks about cross talk someone explains. At my home meeting if a new comer is present the meeting turns into a new-comer meeting which involves talking about step 1. There aren't many "rules" about what to do or how to be. That is left up to each person. My meetings have been a gift from my HP (higher power). I have found the people to be understanding, kind, and great listeners.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
I think the logic behind it is so everyone has a chance to be heard without interruption. If you listen to the open, they tell you that the room is supposed to be void of gossip or criticism. I grew up with an alcoholic father and so did many others, so I think they just want to make sure everyone is heard because we didn't get that in our home or in our relationships with alcoholics. JMHO!
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
There are many different kinds of meetings, but all seem to have some things in common:
The meeting will usually start and stop right on time and normally will last for one hour. The person who is chairing the meeting will start by reading the Al Anon opening, then they will read the 12 steps, sometimes the 12 traditions, and then everyone will go around and introduce themselves by first name only.
Step Study meetings focus on the 12 steps. Some discuss one step per meeting, some discuss a step per month. Normally in a step study meeting each person would do a reading from one of the books or might share some personal experience with that step.
Topic meetings are a bit more flexible. The person chairing the meeting chooses a topic and members go around the circle and comment about it. Sometimes they will read from a book like Courage To Change or Paths to Recovery by going to the index and finding that topic… again, they may just share their experience, strength and hope.
Most meetings ask that a person keep their sharing brief and on topic, and that there be no cross talk. Each person is sharing about their own experience and their own life. If the person who is sharing asks a question, she might not get a direct answer right away. If that’s the case, you can always ask someone after the meeting if you want to know more. They tell you to "take what you liked and leave the rest." If you listen, you might hear something that helps you in your situation. There are some times when I am struggling with an issue and I just choose to listen. In that case, I'll just say my name and say that I am going to "pass".
Most of the meetings I have attended have time before and after the meetings for a one-on-one where you can ask specific questions etc. You can approach nearly anyone there to talk. Most meetings also have a phone list, and you are encouraged to call people to talk about specific things going on.
When I first started going to meetings I was really surprised. I expected to hear a lot of women all complaining about how awful their husbands/boyfriends were and how sad and tragic and chaotic their lives were…. And what could be done to get them clean and sober.
Obviously, that’s not how it works. Not at all. The people at the meetings suggested that I keep the focus on ME and not on the alcoholic. They suggested that I could find recovery and even happiness whether the alcoholic continued to drink or not. They told me that I could do this by working the steps myself, by finding a sponsor, by reading the Al Anon literature.
Al Anon saved my life. I am forever grateful to the people in those meetings who got me on the right path.
The meeting will usually start and stop right on time and normally will last for one hour. The person who is chairing the meeting will start by reading the Al Anon opening, then they will read the 12 steps, sometimes the 12 traditions, and then everyone will go around and introduce themselves by first name only.
Step Study meetings focus on the 12 steps. Some discuss one step per meeting, some discuss a step per month. Normally in a step study meeting each person would do a reading from one of the books or might share some personal experience with that step.
Topic meetings are a bit more flexible. The person chairing the meeting chooses a topic and members go around the circle and comment about it. Sometimes they will read from a book like Courage To Change or Paths to Recovery by going to the index and finding that topic… again, they may just share their experience, strength and hope.
Most meetings ask that a person keep their sharing brief and on topic, and that there be no cross talk. Each person is sharing about their own experience and their own life. If the person who is sharing asks a question, she might not get a direct answer right away. If that’s the case, you can always ask someone after the meeting if you want to know more. They tell you to "take what you liked and leave the rest." If you listen, you might hear something that helps you in your situation. There are some times when I am struggling with an issue and I just choose to listen. In that case, I'll just say my name and say that I am going to "pass".
Most of the meetings I have attended have time before and after the meetings for a one-on-one where you can ask specific questions etc. You can approach nearly anyone there to talk. Most meetings also have a phone list, and you are encouraged to call people to talk about specific things going on.
When I first started going to meetings I was really surprised. I expected to hear a lot of women all complaining about how awful their husbands/boyfriends were and how sad and tragic and chaotic their lives were…. And what could be done to get them clean and sober.
Obviously, that’s not how it works. Not at all. The people at the meetings suggested that I keep the focus on ME and not on the alcoholic. They suggested that I could find recovery and even happiness whether the alcoholic continued to drink or not. They told me that I could do this by working the steps myself, by finding a sponsor, by reading the Al Anon literature.
Al Anon saved my life. I am forever grateful to the people in those meetings who got me on the right path.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: California
Posts: 239
I had a similar experience early on. I went to Al-Anon figuring I'd tell the group my problem with my A and they would tell me what to do! I felt like I need to DO something about my A. I NEEDED HELP! The more you go the more you learn that it is about us, the codie, and not about the A. The best advice I can give you is buy and read the Al-Anon 12 step book. It will help you understand that Al-Anon is about YOU. Working through our program to understand how we can manage our part of the disease. Share how you feel but listen to the veterans share and you will learn how the help themselves and you will hear and learn how to apply the program for YOU. The more you listen to people share the more you will realize that although each situation is a little different it is also so much similar. Listen learn, share and apply the 12 steps to your life.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
