snoopy

Hi there,
I am new. I would like to tell my story. My H has a weekend drinking problem. Sometimes it is alot and sometimes not as much. I am very thankful it is not more. I need some advice though. I almost dread weekends. I consume myself with thoughts starting Friday, Is he going to have some in hand when he comes home? Waiting and praying not, waiting and praying. Then I start counting how many, then it is the same feeling for sat. and Sun. I just feel like I watch and count his every move. I am tired of worrying about it and consuming myself with all these thoughts. Does anyone have any advice on how to let go of these thought that consume me? Thanks

margo

Welcome Snoopy! Yes, ma'am, we sure do! SR is a wonderful place of support and friendship and as you read around the different posts you will soon see that you are not alone - we can all relate to how you feel. Your focus is on your husband and his drinking and that's not a fun way to live, but there are ways to unlearn this behaviour and be happy and healthy yourself regardles of the choices he makes.

Take a look at the Power Posts at the top of both the Anon forums - great reading for the newcomer. Pick up a copy of any of Melody Beattie's books - "Codependent No More" is highly recommended. And consider attending Al-Anon meetings - they can be a real lifesaver for your situation.

Welcome again, Snoopy - it's good to have you here!

Daffodil

I am so glad you found this site...I just love it...

In here we're all hearts that hurt..... of course we understand...
we've been there done that....(some of us still get on the merry-go-round)

As suggested there is hope for you...Read the other posts, read the suggested lit., and find an Al-Anon meeting asap...and keep coming back and let us know how you are doing...

You're only alone if you choose to be...

Love and prayers from one who cares.

Gabe

You can choose to focus on his every drinking related move all weekend...or you can go on about living your life and enjoying yourself. It may not feel that way right now, but his drinking only affects you if you let it. Make some plans for your weekend that don't include him or his drinking. There is more to life than worrying about how much he will drink and how it will ruin your weekend. I say it's time for a field trip, that is all about you and what you want to do. I promise you this...you will not ruin your own good time.
Welcome to the board, stick around. There are many loving and wonderful people here who provide encouragement, strength, hope and a good laugh when you need it most.
Peace,
Gabe

liddy

Welcome (((Snoopy)))

so nice to have you here !
yes, as others have said there is something you
can do for yourself, learn to take the focus off the A
and put that focus on yourself. it is a process and it takes time,
but through alanon and talking here I am learning to do that
day by day.
By following the same 12 steps of AA, I began with the first
:admitted we (I was) were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanagable."
This is a safe place where we can talk freely and remain anonymous.
Keep coming back!
hugs
liddy

Rainy

I've been where you are, consumed every day with my thoughts on him and his addiction.

When the light bulb finally went on in my head that I had a choice in this too, wonderful things have begun happening to me. I no longer obsess, it's not my problem, it's his. His choice what to do about it, his choice, not mine. I say that to myself a lot, every day. He's in recovery now, but I still tell myself that, his recovery is his choice, I have no more control over that then I did his using.

I debated for weeks about going to Alanon thinking it wouldn't help me--I was wrong. I love it and look forward to each and every meeting.

Reading the posts on here has brought me strength and the desire to keep working on me.

Best of luck to you, and I send my prayers too,

snoopy

Thank you all for your advice. I always want to talk to him about it. But, it just seems to make things worse. I think he know it and for me to ask him about it, just makes him feel guilty, I think. I do need to start thinking about other things instead of consuming myself in his problem. Its just so hard! My weekend starts tonight so I am going to try really hard and focus on other thoughts. Thanks again. I have enjoyed coming here and just knowing that other people have been where I'm at feels helpful. Snoopy

margo

Hi again Snoopy - although it's hard to believe sometimes, a person with an addiction, whether alcohol or drugs, carries a lot of guilt. So the last thing they want to do is "talk about it." And if they won't admit to themselves that they have a problem, let alone another, then usually the reaction we get when we try to talk about it is anger. So your thoughts are right on the money. Yes, it's hard to let go of our worries, but it does get easier with practice. If the weekends are your prime source of angst, try to make a plan to do something nice just for you - it doesn't have to include him. There is a power post on one of the Anon forums (I believe it's in the Nar-Anon forum) called "How to have fun when you really don't feel like it." Give it a read and see if you can find an idea there. Get out of the house for a while - you don't have to be there to watch and count his drinks - he'll do it whether you're there or not, so why stay and spoil your weekend. You'll find a lot of great reading in the Power Posts, so pull up your chair and start reading - you'll be glad you did!

myles1

Are there any Alanon meetings in your area for you?

Ngaire

snoopy

We do have some meeting areas around here. But, I just don't think I am ready to go yet. I just don't think it would go over very well with H. So, I am going to wait it out a little more. thanks for all your replys.