I'm so mad at myself for talking on the phone w/him

Old 07-10-2008, 05:45 AM
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I'm so mad at myself for talking on the phone w/him

Well, I spoke to him on the phone last night. It seemed to start well, then went out of control. He told me he was having this crackhead woman (whom we've had many arguments in the past about) come over friday to clean the house. I feel for it and said not to have her over. It then escalated to I'm giving him rules & ultamatims about who he can speak to. Thing is, he has said he is glad he stopped hanging around with these types of people. It's only a ploy to get me mad.

He had said earlier in the conversation he was going to buy beer and vodka and I didn't react. Guess that made him mad and so he chose another route to upset me. In all this he said if I am telling him who he can see, then he can do the same. I have no friends, the only people who come over are my daughter & g'daughter. I said to him that I knew that is what he is getting at.

I tried to not fall for the bait, but I did. It turned into him yelling and me trying to say I didn't want to fight with him. He then blabbered on about he has no idea what I'm doing at my daughter's house, I could be going out with men.

I am 50 years old, sleep in my granddaughter's bed, have a few clothes with me that are in a suitcase. All my belongings are at the house so I feel like I have no roots. It is such a mess, I am sick to my stomach with it.

Sorry such a long post, just needed to vent.
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Old 07-10-2008, 05:51 AM
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Its ok. You slipped. It happens. Pick yourself right back up and start again. One day at a time you know? {hugs}
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Old 07-10-2008, 06:02 AM
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CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
 
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Dunerkat-Breathe....

Try not to beat yourself up over this! As you typed this here you have
realized what he was doing-so now you are more aware which is a great thing!

Was there a reason you needed to talk to him?
Do you have a plan for yourself?

Start trying to put the focus on your life and what and where you
want to go-then GO FOR IT!

Breathe ....this too shall pass!
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Old 07-10-2008, 06:23 AM
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There really was no specific reason to talk to him. I was lonely and wanted to hear his voice. The irrational part of me wants to go home but in my fantasy, my home is a place filled with love and that's just not what is in my house right now.

He is using his old tricks by trying to keep me from my family. The only family I have is my daughter and granddaughter and that's it. Years ago he did this to me to keep control, now he's wanting to do it again. There is no reasoning with him, it's just insanity.

I do need to make some sort of plan, I just don't have the strength to figure anything out right now. I am going to a therapist on the 21st, so that will start to help.

I feel on edge because all my belongings are at the house, yet I have no place to take them to. My daughter lives in a small mobile home, so I can't leave everything here. I will have to find a storage unit somewhere or something.

Right now, it's a struggle to get showered and dressed every day.
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Old 07-10-2008, 06:35 AM
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I was lonely and wanted to hear his voice, what is that part of us that believes if we just hang in there is will get better. You should pat yourself on the back for realizing what happenned and for getting out of there. They don't change, the only way people like him are ever gonna change is if they finally are in so much pain, thats how is is so us so why do we think i will be easier for them, no one helped us. You be glad you realize what is going on here and you were smart enough to get out of there. I promise it will get better. Watch out, when you get past the hardest part that when its the easiest to let them back in.
take care
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Old 07-10-2008, 07:11 AM
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I'm hoping that my xabf doesn't call me because I know it would end up in a screaming match. I'm not sure if I'm strong enough yet to avoid his calls but there is really nothing left for us to talk about so why bother?

He's busy right now with his skank so I'm figuring that's the reason he hasn't called yet. I'm betting that just when I'm feeling better about everything and topping the "hump" is when he'll call if he's going too. Perfect timing ya know. I'm trying to stay "ready" for that because I will NOT be taking him back so there is no point in rehashing everything and calling each other names....his name calling hurts.

I'm sorry for you - this sucks bigtime. But I do think we have done the right thing and will be ok. Big hug for you.:ghug3
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Old 07-10-2008, 07:25 AM
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Dunerkat...be patient with yourself-Relax and breathe everything does not
have to be done in one day-When you are ready you will do what you need to
do-

Glad that you are going on the 21st-that should be a great support-Keep us posted
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Old 07-10-2008, 07:28 AM
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Hi, dunerkat.

From what you've described he seems to be very motivated to rob you of emotional support and encouragement - like he is actively trying to hurt you.

Alcoholism has made him a very sick man.
His condition deserves compassion, but you don't have to sacrifice your sanity for it. You absolutely do NOT have to listen to him talk to you that way.

Next time you'll hang it up if he starts in with that nonsense!

Keep your chin up.
Everyday we learn how to treat ourselves with care.

-TC
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