"functioning alcoholic"
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"functioning alcoholic"
I know I use the term quite frequently. Especially since my ABF always goes to work, pays his portion of the bills and even does some side jobs. But I never considered the true meaning of the word "functioning". Here is a part of an article about the term. (There were 3 parts to this article but I found this one to be the most eye opening)
By: Dr. Neill Neill (Emphasis Added by isitme)
So what's wrong with being an alcoholic if you can function normally?
The functioning alcoholic is the alcoholic who can hold down a job, pursue a career or care for children while continuing his or her alcoholism. Some can do these things successfully, but how well do they handle the other functions in living? How do they function in the role of spouse, parent, driver, financial manager and community volunteer? His job or profession isn't his only function in life.
Two famous entertainers come to mind, a very popular late-night TV host and a famous singer-entertainer: both were alcoholics, but both were also known to be wife beaters. We are all aware of other public examples: the successful politician charged with impaired driving, the wealthy businessman who abandons his family, claiming poverty.
Multiply the public examples of alcohol abuse and dysfunction by a thousand, and you get a picture of the neglect, abuse, lies and cover-up that are probably out there among the population of so-called “functioning alcoholics”: the alcoholic farmer who sexually abuses his young daughters, the alcoholic teacher who amasses a large collection of child porn, the mother whose children die in a house fire because she had passed out while drinking.
Consider the successful professional who pours himself a drink as soon as he gets home. Since he won't drink and drive, he never attends his children's games or takes them camping. Is he "functioning?"
What it comes down to is this: to function is to function in life, not just in one part of life. Ask yourself if you know any alcoholics who not only do their jobs, but are also truly functional in life. I can't think of any, but there may be a few.
By: Dr. Neill Neill (Emphasis Added by isitme)
So what's wrong with being an alcoholic if you can function normally?
The functioning alcoholic is the alcoholic who can hold down a job, pursue a career or care for children while continuing his or her alcoholism. Some can do these things successfully, but how well do they handle the other functions in living? How do they function in the role of spouse, parent, driver, financial manager and community volunteer? His job or profession isn't his only function in life.
Two famous entertainers come to mind, a very popular late-night TV host and a famous singer-entertainer: both were alcoholics, but both were also known to be wife beaters. We are all aware of other public examples: the successful politician charged with impaired driving, the wealthy businessman who abandons his family, claiming poverty.
Multiply the public examples of alcohol abuse and dysfunction by a thousand, and you get a picture of the neglect, abuse, lies and cover-up that are probably out there among the population of so-called “functioning alcoholics”: the alcoholic farmer who sexually abuses his young daughters, the alcoholic teacher who amasses a large collection of child porn, the mother whose children die in a house fire because she had passed out while drinking.
Consider the successful professional who pours himself a drink as soon as he gets home. Since he won't drink and drive, he never attends his children's games or takes them camping. Is he "functioning?"
What it comes down to is this: to function is to function in life, not just in one part of life. Ask yourself if you know any alcoholics who not only do their jobs, but are also truly functional in life. I can't think of any, but there may be a few.
Last edited by isitme; 07-09-2008 at 02:48 PM. Reason: spelling correction
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My AH used say, somewhat proudly, that he was a functioning alcoholic. Like it was okay to be an alcoholic as long as he "functioned."
What I learned is that "functioning" is a *stage* of alcoholism, not a *type* of alcoholic.
L
What I learned is that "functioning" is a *stage* of alcoholism, not a *type* of alcoholic.
L
To Thine Own Self Be True
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: So Cal
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Thank you for that!!! :ghug3
I was a functional alcoholic.
In fact if you asked my husband today, he would tell you that I did not drink every day. Uh huh, I did.
I work full time, go to school, take care of the house and kids and husband and animals and still managed to start drinking right after work and be drunk by 730, still doing everything.
I am the girl scout leader, soccer Mom, etc.
But looking back, I was on remote, I was not functional, just desperate to look the part.
I have now been sober for 62 days and I have NO idea how I kept up cause all of a sudden, now I can't?
I was a functional alcoholic.
In fact if you asked my husband today, he would tell you that I did not drink every day. Uh huh, I did.
I work full time, go to school, take care of the house and kids and husband and animals and still managed to start drinking right after work and be drunk by 730, still doing everything.
I am the girl scout leader, soccer Mom, etc.
But looking back, I was on remote, I was not functional, just desperate to look the part.
I have now been sober for 62 days and I have NO idea how I kept up cause all of a sudden, now I can't?
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Location: LA - Lower Alabama
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I think most of us were what is commonly called a functional alcoholic once.
At one time I was completely functional, I just drank a lot when I drank. That progressed to being completely functional and drinking a lot, to being usually functional and drinking a lot, to being sporadically functional and drinking a lot, to being occasionally functional and drinking a lot, to being rarely functional and drinking a lot, to finally just drinking a lot.
At one time I was completely functional, I just drank a lot when I drank. That progressed to being completely functional and drinking a lot, to being usually functional and drinking a lot, to being sporadically functional and drinking a lot, to being occasionally functional and drinking a lot, to being rarely functional and drinking a lot, to finally just drinking a lot.
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Join Date: May 2007
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So here's a question. When someone mentions or says they are a "functioning alcoholic", are they implying that they know they drink too much but that it's not a problem since they live a normal appearing life? Is it an excuse for them because they are really saying "Sure, I drink but I pull it off" or could it be an admission that they have a problem but aren't ready to committ to addressing it? I have to think that by someone even saying this they realize they drink too much....am I wrong?
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Location: Arlington, VA
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Originally Posted by AskingWhy 
So here's a question. When someone mentions or says they are a "functioning alcoholic", are they implying that they know they drink too much but that it's not a problem since they live a normal appearing life? Is it an excuse for them because they are really saying "Sure, I drink but I pull it off" or could it be an admission that they have a problem but aren't ready to committ to addressing it? I have to think that by someone even saying this they realize they drink too much....am I wrong?
If they admit to and use the term functioning alcoholicm yeah I suppose on some level they know they have a problem. But it also means they aren't going to do anything about it because afterall, they are doing just fine which means its not really a problem, right?
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
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For me....
I knew I was drinking alcoholically 5 years
before I tried to quit. Depression is what
started me on my recovery journey.
I still had the outward signs of success
and had no physical symptoms from drinking.
Mentally I was edgeing towards insanity.
Spiritually...I felt my soul had withered.
By sharing ... I do hope someone
else will benefit and find their way into recovery.
I knew I was drinking alcoholically 5 years
before I tried to quit. Depression is what
started me on my recovery journey.
I still had the outward signs of success
and had no physical symptoms from drinking.
Mentally I was edgeing towards insanity.
Spiritually...I felt my soul had withered.
By sharing ... I do hope someone
else will benefit and find their way into recovery.
Retired Pro Drunk
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Saint Paul, MN
Posts: 901
Originally Posted by AskingWhy
So here's a question. When someone mentions or says they are a "functioning alcoholic", are they implying that they know they drink too much but that it's not a problem since they live a normal appearing life? Is it an excuse for them because they are really saying "Sure, I drink but I pull it off" or could it be an admission that they have a problem but aren't ready to committ to addressing it? I have to think that by someone even saying this they realize they drink too much....am I wrong?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: New York
Posts: 126
Originally Posted by AskingWhy
So here's a question. When someone mentions or says they are a "functioning alcoholic", are they implying that they know they drink too much but that it's not a problem since they live a normal appearing life? Is it an excuse for them because they are really saying "Sure, I drink but I pull it off" or could it be an admission that they have a problem but aren't ready to committ to addressing it? I have to think that by someone even saying this they realize they drink too much....am I wrong?
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Great Lake Country
Posts: 333
My 2 cents is this...
My AW doesn't believe she's an alcoholic. She's doing fine at work, in fact, she has gotten a promotion. What she doesn't see is that her personal life is falling apart. Her house is dirty, she's having difficulty maintaining the relationship with her husband, her relationship with her kids is at a low ebb, she hurts herself and can't remember how she does it.
She functions well in only a limited sphere of activity. All of her energy is directed at maintaining her outside status as a mid-level executive that does a good job. She doesn't realize, or she's made the choice that that is all she wants. Therefore, that is the only thing outside of drinking that she will make an effort at.
My AW doesn't believe she's an alcoholic. She's doing fine at work, in fact, she has gotten a promotion. What she doesn't see is that her personal life is falling apart. Her house is dirty, she's having difficulty maintaining the relationship with her husband, her relationship with her kids is at a low ebb, she hurts herself and can't remember how she does it.
She functions well in only a limited sphere of activity. All of her energy is directed at maintaining her outside status as a mid-level executive that does a good job. She doesn't realize, or she's made the choice that that is all she wants. Therefore, that is the only thing outside of drinking that she will make an effort at.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: California
Posts: 239
Great thread. In fact we all know functioning A's. My AW was one and struggles with her sobriety every day. I work in the corporate world and most traveling business people can't wait to finish their day and .......drink! Because I have an AW I see so much danger is those poor souls. I like a drink every now and then but in general HATE what it does to people that become alcoholics. It is a badge of brotherhood in the business world to drink and buy a drink and drink a lot and make the early meeting the next day. They are all functioning A's to some extent because they are abusing alcohol. It's all so sad.....
Can't make sense out of crazy.
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the Bluegrass, Baby!
Posts: 211
My stbxah is a functioning alcoholic and I have no idea how he does it.
To drink so much and still get up and do what needs to be done early in the a.m. .....
Except like the others have stated, he's really only functioning in the work world -has worked for the same company for 10 years, has gotten promotions, is the hardest and most dedicated worker they have (small-ish company). He busts his rear end for that company, most days 6 days a week and 12-14 hour days are not abnormal.
Yet in the last 6 months he has begun slipping at work, getting warnings from his boss, customers unhappy, ect....Where formally, for years he was the star employee and the company's customers couldn't rave enough about him.
He has worked hard physical labor in all kinds of weather all these years, supporting a family of 9, while I was a stay at home mom, then went to college for 3 years for my nursing degree. I always admired how dedicated to us, his family, he was. I KNEW without a doubt that I could always count on him to provide- whatever it took, and at times it took A LOT with seven kids!
I think he felt/feels entitled to drink, since he worked/works so hard at his job to have the financial bases covered.
Its like he feels that if he fulfills that obligation, he has done his part, and deserves to party as hard as he works.
However good he is at working his tail off & providing financially, like others have said, thats about all he excelled in.
For the most part, he was absent emotionally from the kids and I see now, from me.
At the end before he moved out after I gave him the ultimatum, me/us or the booze and bad influence friends, he seemed to be so distant from all of us.
Here but not here, either in the garage smoking and drinking and talking on his cell phone or in the house planted on the couch zoned out watching TV.
Its like all he could give was to his job, was gone so much, the dedication turned to workaholism. All he would talk about in conversations was his job.
I begged him so many times over the years to have conversations with me, and besides basic stuff, he just couldn't handle the deeper intimacies.Sure there were lots of moments where he could be a great father and husband, and that's what kept me in the marriage.
But it got to a point to where the bad really outweighed the good anymore.
Many times I've almost wished he was a lazy, raging, violent alcoholic, mean and ugly....I think it would have made it much easier for me to really see what he was/was becoming, what was reality.
By him remaining "functional," I think it made the denial issue more difficult for me.
Instead of acting like a crazy man, everything was so much more subtle.
And SO MANY times I would tell myself that I was being too picky, too critical, that I wasn't giving enough, I wasn't working hard enough to please him. That I should just be happy he was providing for us and present a lot of the time, that others I know have worse marriages than ours, at least I had a husband who loved me and was there for me......blah, blah, blah. All kinds of things I told myself.
Its also been more difficult to explain to others how bad things were/are since they saw/see what appears to be a functional man.
Plus it's easier to blame me for everything.
To drink so much and still get up and do what needs to be done early in the a.m. .....
Except like the others have stated, he's really only functioning in the work world -has worked for the same company for 10 years, has gotten promotions, is the hardest and most dedicated worker they have (small-ish company). He busts his rear end for that company, most days 6 days a week and 12-14 hour days are not abnormal.
Yet in the last 6 months he has begun slipping at work, getting warnings from his boss, customers unhappy, ect....Where formally, for years he was the star employee and the company's customers couldn't rave enough about him.
He has worked hard physical labor in all kinds of weather all these years, supporting a family of 9, while I was a stay at home mom, then went to college for 3 years for my nursing degree. I always admired how dedicated to us, his family, he was. I KNEW without a doubt that I could always count on him to provide- whatever it took, and at times it took A LOT with seven kids!
I think he felt/feels entitled to drink, since he worked/works so hard at his job to have the financial bases covered.
Its like he feels that if he fulfills that obligation, he has done his part, and deserves to party as hard as he works.
However good he is at working his tail off & providing financially, like others have said, thats about all he excelled in.
For the most part, he was absent emotionally from the kids and I see now, from me.
At the end before he moved out after I gave him the ultimatum, me/us or the booze and bad influence friends, he seemed to be so distant from all of us.
Here but not here, either in the garage smoking and drinking and talking on his cell phone or in the house planted on the couch zoned out watching TV.
Its like all he could give was to his job, was gone so much, the dedication turned to workaholism. All he would talk about in conversations was his job.
I begged him so many times over the years to have conversations with me, and besides basic stuff, he just couldn't handle the deeper intimacies.Sure there were lots of moments where he could be a great father and husband, and that's what kept me in the marriage.
But it got to a point to where the bad really outweighed the good anymore.
Many times I've almost wished he was a lazy, raging, violent alcoholic, mean and ugly....I think it would have made it much easier for me to really see what he was/was becoming, what was reality.
By him remaining "functional," I think it made the denial issue more difficult for me.
Instead of acting like a crazy man, everything was so much more subtle.
And SO MANY times I would tell myself that I was being too picky, too critical, that I wasn't giving enough, I wasn't working hard enough to please him. That I should just be happy he was providing for us and present a lot of the time, that others I know have worse marriages than ours, at least I had a husband who loved me and was there for me......blah, blah, blah. All kinds of things I told myself.
Its also been more difficult to explain to others how bad things were/are since they saw/see what appears to be a functional man.
Plus it's easier to blame me for everything.
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Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 91
I think he felt/feels entitled to drink, since he worked/works so hard at his job to have the financial bases covered.
Its like he feels that if he fulfills that obligation, he has done his part, and deserves to party as hard as he works.
WOW. THat sounds familiar!!!!!!!
Its like he feels that if he fulfills that obligation, he has done his part, and deserves to party as hard as he works.
WOW. THat sounds familiar!!!!!!!
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 172
This is a horrible thing to say - but I would gladly trade my kinda lazy soon to be out of work ah for a functioning one. MY Ah dad was a functioning alcoholic and they had major family problems but never financial problems or fear of losing homes, cares, etc. All kidding aside it is horrible if they are functioning or non functioning. The disease is horrible. Beyond anything I have ever experienced before.
Can't make sense out of crazy.
Join Date: May 2008
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Originally Posted by sadandhopeless
This is a horrible thing to say - but I would gladly trade my kinda lazy soon to be out of work ah for a functioning one. MY Ah dad was a functioning alcoholic and they had major family problems but never financial problems or fear of losing homes, cares, etc. All kidding aside it is horrible if they are functioning or non functioning. The disease is horrible. Beyond anything I have ever experienced before.
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Location: New Jersey
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Originally Posted by strongerwoman
Well, remember - functioning alcoholic that works everyday does not equal the bills getting paid or financial responsibility. ;o)
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Location: New Jersey
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Sorry I don't mean to offend anyones sometimes my humor gets the best of me and I tend to joke about serious issues as a way of dealing with internal pain I guess. A major flaw is i try to find humor in to much....
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Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
My xAH was a "functional" alcoholic until he got fired 3 yrs ago. I do not know for sure but I suspect his alcoholism had a good deal to do with being fired. He worked at a large law firm, had been there for 20+ years. I think he probably got drunk at one of the firm parties and said the wrong thing to one of the senior partners. Whatever it was, getting fired ended the "functional" phase for him.
He quickly progressed to daily drunkenness, loss of his self-respect, loss of personal hygene and all the rest that eventually led to my decision to leave and get a divorce.
He quickly progressed to daily drunkenness, loss of his self-respect, loss of personal hygene and all the rest that eventually led to my decision to leave and get a divorce.
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Location: Ohio
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Originally Posted by strongerwoman
My stbxah is a functioning alcoholic and I have no idea how he does it.
To drink so much and still get up and do what needs to be done early in the a.m. .....
Except like the others have stated, he's really only functioning in the work world -has worked for the same company for 10 years, has gotten promotions, is the hardest and most dedicated worker they have (small-ish company). He busts his rear end for that company, most days 6 days a week and 12-14 hour days are not abnormal.
Yet in the last 6 months he has begun slipping at work, getting warnings from his boss, customers unhappy, ect....Where formally, for years he was the star employee and the company's customers couldn't rave enough about him.
He has worked hard physical labor in all kinds of weather all these years, supporting a family of 9, while I was a stay at home mom, then went to college for 3 years for my nursing degree. I always admired how dedicated to us, his family, he was. I KNEW without a doubt that I could always count on him to provide- whatever it took, and at times it took A LOT with seven kids!
I think he felt/feels entitled to drink, since he worked/works so hard at his job to have the financial bases covered.
Its like he feels that if he fulfills that obligation, he has done his part, and deserves to party as hard as he works.
However good he is at working his tail off & providing financially, like others have said, thats about all he excelled in.
For the most part, he was absent emotionally from the kids and I see now, from me.
At the end before he moved out after I gave him the ultimatum, me/us or the booze and bad influence friends, he seemed to be so distant from all of us.
Here but not here, either in the garage smoking and drinking and talking on his cell phone or in the house planted on the couch zoned out watching TV.
Its like all he could give was to his job, was gone so much, the dedication turned to workaholism. All he would talk about in conversations was his job.
I begged him so many times over the years to have conversations with me, and besides basic stuff, he just couldn't handle the deeper intimacies.Sure there were lots of moments where he could be a great father and husband, and that's what kept me in the marriage.
But it got to a point to where the bad really outweighed the good anymore.
Many times I've almost wished he was a lazy, raging, violent alcoholic, mean and ugly....I think it would have made it much easier for me to really see what he was/was becoming, what was reality.
By him remaining "functional," I think it made the denial issue more difficult for me.
Instead of acting like a crazy man, everything was so much more subtle.
And SO MANY times I would tell myself that I was being too picky, too critical, that I wasn't giving enough, I wasn't working hard enough to please him. That I should just be happy he was providing for us and present a lot of the time, that others I know have worse marriages than ours, at least I had a husband who loved me and was there for me......blah, blah, blah. All kinds of things I told myself.
Its also been more difficult to explain to others how bad things were/are since they saw/see what appears to be a functional man.
Plus it's easier to blame me for everything.
To drink so much and still get up and do what needs to be done early in the a.m. .....
Except like the others have stated, he's really only functioning in the work world -has worked for the same company for 10 years, has gotten promotions, is the hardest and most dedicated worker they have (small-ish company). He busts his rear end for that company, most days 6 days a week and 12-14 hour days are not abnormal.
Yet in the last 6 months he has begun slipping at work, getting warnings from his boss, customers unhappy, ect....Where formally, for years he was the star employee and the company's customers couldn't rave enough about him.
He has worked hard physical labor in all kinds of weather all these years, supporting a family of 9, while I was a stay at home mom, then went to college for 3 years for my nursing degree. I always admired how dedicated to us, his family, he was. I KNEW without a doubt that I could always count on him to provide- whatever it took, and at times it took A LOT with seven kids!
I think he felt/feels entitled to drink, since he worked/works so hard at his job to have the financial bases covered.
Its like he feels that if he fulfills that obligation, he has done his part, and deserves to party as hard as he works.
However good he is at working his tail off & providing financially, like others have said, thats about all he excelled in.
For the most part, he was absent emotionally from the kids and I see now, from me.
At the end before he moved out after I gave him the ultimatum, me/us or the booze and bad influence friends, he seemed to be so distant from all of us.
Here but not here, either in the garage smoking and drinking and talking on his cell phone or in the house planted on the couch zoned out watching TV.
Its like all he could give was to his job, was gone so much, the dedication turned to workaholism. All he would talk about in conversations was his job.
I begged him so many times over the years to have conversations with me, and besides basic stuff, he just couldn't handle the deeper intimacies.Sure there were lots of moments where he could be a great father and husband, and that's what kept me in the marriage.
But it got to a point to where the bad really outweighed the good anymore.
Many times I've almost wished he was a lazy, raging, violent alcoholic, mean and ugly....I think it would have made it much easier for me to really see what he was/was becoming, what was reality.
By him remaining "functional," I think it made the denial issue more difficult for me.
Instead of acting like a crazy man, everything was so much more subtle.
And SO MANY times I would tell myself that I was being too picky, too critical, that I wasn't giving enough, I wasn't working hard enough to please him. That I should just be happy he was providing for us and present a lot of the time, that others I know have worse marriages than ours, at least I had a husband who loved me and was there for me......blah, blah, blah. All kinds of things I told myself.
Its also been more difficult to explain to others how bad things were/are since they saw/see what appears to be a functional man.
Plus it's easier to blame me for everything.
Sorry you are dealing with this,too. I could have written this same post except my exAH was the one who moved out and eventually divorced me recently. Of course,now he seems to be able to put effort into going our and doing things with OTHER women....
but then again,that probably won't/doesn't last too long. (I think he's on his third or fourth one that I know of). Still;it's upsetting and disappointing. (Then again they are "new" and he and I had 30yrs;so much for the novelty-factor!ha)I guess he does what he has to do;don't we all.
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