Starr

As long as I'm logged on how about another question.

How does one quiet the spinning mind and "just let it go"? When things are stressful I seem to rehash everything over and over in my mind.

I know its not good to do this. I journal. I write poetry. I do alot of hiking/backpacking/biking. I talk with friends. I go to alanon when I can. I try to redirect my thinking. I keep busy. But sometimes, I just can't seem to let it go and it just circles round and round until the next issue of more importance.

If I just "forget it" like I did for so many years, is this not just stuffing the feelings?

Any thoughts?

I am very thankful for this forum even tho I don't post often. I do read here alot and have learned so much and it is so good to know that I am not alone in all this crazyness that there are others who understand what its like.

LaTeeDa

There is a big difference between "forgetting it" and "accepting it." When my mind used to spin out of control it was because I hated reality. I couldn't stand the way things were. I've learned over the years that hating what is doesn't do a darn thing to change it. Only when I accept what is, exactly as it is, can I then take productive action to change what I can.

L

Reddmax

I have the same problem. I think its a co-dependence thing. You, like I have, have learned that the best way to get a long in life is by being caring. I happen to think that in moderation, this is true. What happens is that you pick someone that needs care. The get a whiff of that, and use it to control you. See my post Victory of Sorts from earlier today. My AW likes it that I care for her, and I like caring for her. But I'm not going to let her verbally abuse me, or fetch alcohol for her. Why would I give matches to a three year old? I'm sick of being abused and manipulated for her selfish ends. My guess is that it will eventually lead to the end of the marriage because she doesn't see the big picture. She sees my refusal to take abuse, or to serve her hand and foot as a personal attack. She doesn't see it as an offense to me to be cursed, or to facilitate abuse.

Bernadette

Hi Starr-
Such a good question and a hard one to answer. I think the answers to this question are very individual - personal, like everyone needs to develop their own style of handling racing thoughts.

For me it took a lot of discipline - at first. I did a round of Cognitive Behavior Therapy a few years ago. This is a very active form of therapy that focuses on thoughts and how thoughts influence behavior. You kind of train yourself to be a self-observer. As a troubling (or grandiose) thought passes through my mind I stop, pay attention to it - I don't just let it spin out of control, and I evaluate it. Is it a rational thought? Is it realistic? Is there something I can "do" to effectively end this thought - an action I can take? It develops a style of thinking based in REALITY.

If it is just "worry" or anxiety about something I cannot change and I cannot seem to stop obsessing I look at the clock and say "OK I can think about this until 11:45 and then I will stop. And in that 10 minutes I give myself free reign to FREAK OUT, take all my obsessive thoughts to their logical awful ends - and then I stop at the time I said I would stop.

But it is ACTIVE. Once I reach the stop time I have to actively replace that anxious thought with thoughts that are helpful, my favorites are: "I am safe. All is well." "I now create a safe, peaceful future." "I am willing to grow and change." (These affirmations are all from Louise Hay's wonderful book "Heal Your Body").

What I've found over the years is that I no longer need to go to FReaking out even for 10 minutes - I now recognize when I'm obsessing and take some deep breaths and begin repeating positive affirmations immediately. They calm me down, get me thinking rationally again, take away the panic.

It's not magic - it takes real discipline, I would imagine these kinds of anxious, negative, depressing, awfulizing thoughts are the kinds of things addicts/alcoholics are trying to blot out with their DOC. That's not my thing - so I accept that sometimes I have to feel uncomfortable or even miserable, but I trust, completely, that I have within me the power and ability to cope and OVERCOME!!! You do too!

Keep workin it!!
Good luck and Peace,
B.

Kindeyes

It takes a lot of work and daily practice. The serenity prayer helps me. I recite it one line at a time and then relate it to what I am "frenzy thinking" about. It calms me down when I realize that there are things I can control and there are things I can't. If my "frenzy thinking" is about something I have no control over, that's when the wisdom line kicks in. If my "frenzy thinking" is about something I DO have control over, I turn that thinking into action.

That's how I do it......but as I said.....it does take a lot of practice.

gentle hugs

Barbara52

I find that doing what is sometimes called breath prayers help. I suppsoe it qualifies as meditation. Pick a phrase, Bible passage, whatever is meaningful for you or can keep your attention. Say part as you breathe in another part as you breathe out. Deliberately slow your breathing and concentrate on the the phrase.

Some phrases I use are:

Let go....Let God
Breathe.... and know that I am God
Jesus Christ, my Savior...Have mercy on me, a sinner
In with the good.....out witht the bad

rivka

Hi Starr,
I know exactly what you mean.
I vented in a post called "Why is the world so backwards?" in the friends/family of Substance Abusers forum....where I couldn't sleep b/c my head was spinning--i was pissed off that my ABF didnt want me to know he was in rehab, told a mutual friend (that he asked to visit him) that he didn't want me there, and I'm humiliated that I did so much to care for him in the MONTHS before he was ready to (be willing to) go get help. Not that I want "credit" for the work I put in....but as a card-carrying codie (co-dependent) who is trying to regain my self esteem and boundaries, I worry CONSTANTLY and fret CONSTANTLY about why he doesn't want me, and what he must be thinking about me, and what it will be like when he gets out...and will he look at me the same way...or will he have changed so much that he wants to move on from me? Will he have met another recovering gal in rehab that he bonded with and is now getting close to?

See? I am as ridiculous as they come. I kick my own ass daily for thinking these juvenile thoughts. Can't help it though. I'm in my mid-40's, have a graduate degree, and am a senior staff member in an international business company...you would THINK I'd have my personal sh*t together enough to match work....not so.

Doesn't matter where you come from, what you do, or what your situation is. We codies are all the same, and I am soooooo very thankful.....SOOOOO very thankful...... that there is a beautiful group of folks here to support each other as much or as little as we need on a daily basis.
I like to post to help others (a codie trait anyway) but it makes me feel connected, although I may not have specific advise.

Please continue to vent, or inquire, or just say hello on a daily basis. Stay in touch with all of us, and we'll get through it together.

Hugs,
Rivka

JoBloggs

My mind spins too! If it's daytime I try to go for a walk or a swim or I do some yoga and conscious breathing exercises. Sometimes I whisper the Reiki principles that I learned at yoga class and I think from what I have seen online they are used by Al Anon:

Just for today do not worry
Just for today do not anger
Honour your parents, teachers and elders
Earn your living honestly
Show gratitude to every living thing.

XX

bookwyrm

I do something that you might feel is a bit odd, but it works for me! When my head is spinning, I close my eyes and focus on the tip of my nose. I breathe normally but try to feel the breath in my nose as it goes in and out. Any thoughts that cross my mind, I imagine moving across and dropping off the edge and then get back to focussing on my nose! It sounds a bit daft but it really works for me!:crazy