enough
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Brantford Ontario
Posts: 11
enough
Hi everyone- I'm not new here but its been awhile since I've posted.
I've finally reached the point when enough is enough I can't take the promises anymore I don't trust him I don't believe him- sure I still have love for him and we will need to work out a way we can co parent together but I no longer want to live under the same roof with him.
Like many times before this I needed him to be here for me- my grandma is sick in the hospital and is only expected to live the next couple of days- I had made plans to spend today at the hospital with my Mom and sisters and do not want to take my high energy 4 year old...my AH said and promised to be here for me blah blah blah well he is here he wandered in at about 7:30am with a beer in his hand -drunk (and he drove home) slurring and telling me "see I'd never let you down" ' I'm here for you babe" proceeding then to lay on the couch crank on the tunes and drink and spill beer everywhere. Why did I even bother? anyway if you've read this thanks I'm off to see if my neighbour can babysit for me today and when he sobers up we need to talk about separate living arrangements ...I guess what surprises me most is my lack of emotion anymore
I've finally reached the point when enough is enough I can't take the promises anymore I don't trust him I don't believe him- sure I still have love for him and we will need to work out a way we can co parent together but I no longer want to live under the same roof with him.
Like many times before this I needed him to be here for me- my grandma is sick in the hospital and is only expected to live the next couple of days- I had made plans to spend today at the hospital with my Mom and sisters and do not want to take my high energy 4 year old...my AH said and promised to be here for me blah blah blah well he is here he wandered in at about 7:30am with a beer in his hand -drunk (and he drove home) slurring and telling me "see I'd never let you down" ' I'm here for you babe" proceeding then to lay on the couch crank on the tunes and drink and spill beer everywhere. Why did I even bother? anyway if you've read this thanks I'm off to see if my neighbour can babysit for me today and when he sobers up we need to talk about separate living arrangements ...I guess what surprises me most is my lack of emotion anymore
Formerly known as soconfused11
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
I guess what surprises me most is my lack of emotion anymore
I can understand, my ah was never there for me either, at least not in the way I needed him to be, but always for damn sure wanted me to be there for him. Alcohol always will be first and foremost.
Stay strong and keep posting, and as my counselor said to me, "start being selfish".
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm familiar with the "numb" feeling. I've had my AH be sober for 2 weeks before, and promise me that I can go to the store and run a few errands while he watched the kids and didn't drink, only to have him be drunk when I got back.
I hate alcoholism. Life would be so less complicated without it.
I hate alcoholism. Life would be so less complicated without it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Phoenix
Posts: 36
I'm so sorry you have to deal with the alcoholic as well as your ill grandmother. It seems that's how it happens, you need him, yet he isn't fully committed to being there for you. If my ah needs to be there for me, it better involved having numerous drinks as well because he certainly won't do it sober. That's if he will do it for me, he usually tells me, "can't you do it by yourself?"
My mother passed away two years ago on my birthday and at the time my ah and i were having problems (big surprise). She was at home and I had hospice come in. I somehow managed to deal with all of it pretty much without his help.
Now I wonder why when I have left him (again) why I don't have the strength to go on without him.
Sorry to go on about myself - But spend time with your family and I am sorry for your loss.
My mother passed away two years ago on my birthday and at the time my ah and i were having problems (big surprise). She was at home and I had hospice come in. I somehow managed to deal with all of it pretty much without his help.
Now I wonder why when I have left him (again) why I don't have the strength to go on without him.
Sorry to go on about myself - But spend time with your family and I am sorry for your loss.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Down Under
Posts: 25
Hi Cal.
I feel for you. You and I share this day as the day we decided we'd had enough. I have told my AH (should I say - STXAH), that I want a separation today. He crossed a line last night over which he can't return. Things got physical for the first time, and not with me with our young son!
He's cried all day and begged me to give him one more chance. I feel nothing, nothing at all. He cried for hours and hours and I just looked at him and felt nothing.
It's taking all my energy to stay strong. wishing you well.
Lorrae
I feel for you. You and I share this day as the day we decided we'd had enough. I have told my AH (should I say - STXAH), that I want a separation today. He crossed a line last night over which he can't return. Things got physical for the first time, and not with me with our young son!
He's cried all day and begged me to give him one more chance. I feel nothing, nothing at all. He cried for hours and hours and I just looked at him and felt nothing.
It's taking all my energy to stay strong. wishing you well.
Lorrae
gottaquithis
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 9
I understand the numbness cal, when you really need them their not there or only partially there. What they think is being there is bare minimum and then when you don't understand your the one that screwed up, its exhausting and the body has no place to go but numb. I'm there too, I left about 6 or 7 weeks ago and it gets better everyday.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Brantford Ontario
Posts: 11
Thanks for the replies everyone
my granma passed away two hours after I got to the Hospital- thank god my neighbour was there for me to take my four year old or I may have missed talking to her for the last time.
I love him so very much but its been 7 YEARS!! seven years and nothing has changed-
oh shoot gotta go!! I'll check back!!
my granma passed away two hours after I got to the Hospital- thank god my neighbour was there for me to take my four year old or I may have missed talking to her for the last time.
I love him so very much but its been 7 YEARS!! seven years and nothing has changed-
oh shoot gotta go!! I'll check back!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
I went numb for awhile, too, when things were at their worst. Then, after my life calmed down a bit, all the feelings started to surface. It was rough to work through, but much easier than it would have been in the middle of the dysfunction.
I believe our psyche protects us sometimes by shutting down the emotions. It can be a good thing. You can do what needs to be done and save working through the emotions for later when you are stronger.
Best wishes to all of you,
L
I believe our psyche protects us sometimes by shutting down the emotions. It can be a good thing. You can do what needs to be done and save working through the emotions for later when you are stronger.
Best wishes to all of you,
L
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