Grief
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Grief
From 52 Weeks of Conscious Contact by Melody Beattie:
Then their are the stages of grief that few people discuss: the obsession with what we've lost, the guilt that's part of grief ("I could have prevented it"), and the way grief can play havoc with our self-esteem ("I must be a terrible person for this to happen to me").
People may say stupid things like "Aren't you over that yet?" You may even expect yourself to be healed from a loss long before your heart is ready.
Challenge: Nothing about grief is easy. We may have to live with the pain from some losses all our lives. But the hardest thing for many people is losing the person they love.
We may think that being healed means we don't miss that person anymore. What it really means is we're willing to move forward with our lives.
Then their are the stages of grief that few people discuss: the obsession with what we've lost, the guilt that's part of grief ("I could have prevented it"), and the way grief can play havoc with our self-esteem ("I must be a terrible person for this to happen to me").
People may say stupid things like "Aren't you over that yet?" You may even expect yourself to be healed from a loss long before your heart is ready.
Challenge: Nothing about grief is easy. We may have to live with the pain from some losses all our lives. But the hardest thing for many people is losing the person they love.
We may think that being healed means we don't miss that person anymore. What it really means is we're willing to move forward with our lives.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: looking for the sun in cold MN
Posts: 775
Thank you B52. I've been grieving lately and wondering if I will ever feel better again. I loved my STBXAH so much. I thought he was someone that he just couldn't be. He did change so much over time, that now I feel like I don't even know who he is. I know I'm grieving a huge loss. Sometimes it feels excruciating to know I just have to move on. At times I do get a glimmer of how much more fun and peaceful my life can be without him. I hope those glimmers get bigger over time.
down the rabbit hole
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: near Boston, MA
Posts: 321
thanks - I definitely needed this one today. I went through a painful break-up in march, and am still feeling no closer to "getting over it." he was a wonderful, amazing person, and we still email once a week or so - he just wasn't ready to take a Next Step. I just don't really understand what happened, and it makes it harder because I know he loves me. He just couldn't give enough to make it work. The sadness I feel is overwhelming.
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 369
Thank you for posting this Barbara. I keep wondering why, when I feel like I'm moving on, I get hit with these moments of sorrow. It's grief. Grief of the dream...not of him but of the family we could have been. At the same time, I know I can't live in that dream world. My reality is quite different. Sad but true.
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