OMG! He did it AGAIN!

Old 07-08-2008, 09:45 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Can't make sense out of crazy.
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Originally Posted by respektingme View Post
Think about it. I know, know, know that you want to protect your daughter. But protecting her image of her perfect dad is going to cost you, and cost you more and more as time goes on.
I haven't been protecting his image. We've(my children and I) been talking for about a year or so about his alcoholism. She is very vocal about it all, expressing what she likes and doesn't like, what makes her feel uncomfortable in regards to her father.

I just stuggle to find the right words sometimes. As adults it is hard for us to comprehend all that alcoholism entails, let alone children!

I am a ACOA so I know all too well what the kids are feeling/going through and I try my hardest to be open about it all with them. My parents never talked to me about any of it, it is different with my children.
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Old 07-08-2008, 09:52 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Can't make sense out of crazy.
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How timely that this post went in this direction....
We've havent spoke to him since Sunday morning.
I emailed him an angry email when my daughter told me he had left her again.
No response, which is typical.
So a little bit ago he calls.
All friendly like everything is great (and he does this everytime he messes up - silence while I'm mad, won't discuss anything, then when he is ready he contacts me in a very positive, upbeat attitude like nothing ever happened)

do I need anything? (ummm...yeah actually there is a lot I need, unfortunately you ultimately do not really care) Is everything okay? How is my car running?
How is our daughter? Can he talk to her?
So he does and tells her that he is ordering her the book she has been wanting for two weeks now after he gets home from work. The book that he knows I've been searching every bookstore around to find (part of a series).

Of course she is all thrilled with him now.
Grrrrrrrrr.................

I just want to scream at him. "She doesn't need a freaking book from you, she needs a sober, healthy, involved father!"
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Old 07-08-2008, 10:00 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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So typical. You're bringing back unpleasant memories for me.

Mine always bought gifts after he screwed up. But not until after enough time had passed that he figured I had "cooled down." (Or the kids, if that was who he p.o.'d) I swear there is a manual that they all follow, lol.

The best thing you can do is base your decisions on his long-term actions over time. Not his sweet words, or shallow gestures. Isn't it insulting how he thinks he can play you?

L
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Old 07-08-2008, 10:51 AM
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Hi Strongerwoman,
I am so sorry for you and your daughter.
To be honest, if that was me, I would have gone over to his apartment and picked her up and not told him. Now, I am the recovering A and only 2 months sober, SO that is probably not the healthiest advice BUT I do think that he deserved a little scare and a wake up call as to what could happen when she is left alone.
I am an ACOA too and the best thing that ever happened to me when I was a kid was someone taking me to Alateen. It truly gave me a sense of empowerment. Just something to consider along with counseling. It felt so god for me to know I was not the only kid going through it.
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Old 07-08-2008, 11:00 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by LaTeeDa View Post
It's hard, and sometimes I find myself on the pity pot since I provide structure, rules, food, clothing, and shelter for my children all the time, and he only does every other weekend. And sometimes my house is not all that fun, with chores to do, etc. Weekends at dad's are generally "play time." But, I know that having a loving, stable, home is more important that having a fun weekend. L
Ahhh how I feel this way. Our dd lives with me- I make sure she does her homework, chores, piano practice, gets to bed on time, goes to church, blahblahblah. Very much like it was when AH lived with us. Except now he sees her T/Th and every other weekend- buys her things almost every time he is with her, and it's always about fun, fun, fun!!! Don't get me wrong- I have fun with her too- but I'm also the heavy- making sure she gets her responsibilities taken care of- BUT, I believe providing her with a stable, healthy home is so important. Hopefully one day she will be grateful for that.

(((Strongerwoman))) Just try to rise above. I firmly believe one day it will pay off for you.
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Old 07-08-2008, 11:49 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Can't make sense out of crazy.
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Originally Posted by TTOSBT View Post
Hi Strongerwoman,
I am so sorry for you and your daughter.
To be honest, if that was me, I would have gone over to his apartment and picked her up and not told him. Now, I am the recovering A and only 2 months sober, SO that is probably not the healthiest advice BUT I do think that he deserved a little scare and a wake up call as to what could happen when she is left alone.
I am an ACOA too and the best thing that ever happened to me when I was a kid was someone taking me to Alateen. It truly gave me a sense of empowerment. Just something to consider along with counseling. It felt so god for me to know I was not the only kid going through it.
Oh, believe me, if I had known when it was happening, that's exactly what I would have done.
Instead, she lied to me and told me she was calling because she couldn't sleep and that her dad was there asleep.
See, last time this happened, he told her not to tell me.
And even though I had a discussion with her about that after she did tell me days later, she did lie to me when it happened a second time.
She is afraid of making him upset with her if she tells me what she knows he doesn't want me to know.

But yeah, if she had told me she was there and he was gone I would have gone there and gotten her in a heartbeat.
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Old 07-08-2008, 11:58 AM
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I SO feel for your daughter!
That is so horrible for hr that he is putting her in that position and asking her to lie. And at 11, that HAS to be the most vulnerable age.
You sound like a wonderful Mom and at least she has one healthy parent looking out for her best interest.
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