feeling so guilty over the damage my drinking has done to my family
 

I am so ashamed of my behavior and how my drinking has affected my relationship with my daughter. I have asked her forgiveness and she gave it, but I still feel like dirt for what I've done in the last year or so. I am trying so hard to stay sober but feel like I'm losing the battle.

I pray God can forgive me for what I've done.

I suspect you feel like dirt because you haven't forgiven yourself yet. Forgiving yourself is much harder than forgiving someone else I have found. God will forgive you, this I know. You will find your own way to let yourself feel that forgiveness and to truly forgive yourself.

Going forward time and work will help your family. Family members can heal for any damage done. Perhaps suggesting that your family go to AlAnon or get into individual therapy will help them as it has helped so many of us.

Least (((HUGS)))...the past is past and you cannot change it. Please forgive yourself. What you can do now is live the sober life that you were meant to live. Your daughter loves you and will see that you are trying, and that will make her love you even more. I too have a daughter and I felt all those guilty feelings you are feeling now. Rehab taught me that I have to let those feelings go and work on being the new and improved me. This is a good place for the serenity prayer.

Help me accept the things I cannot change;
Change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Prayers and hugs going out to you, sweetie.

He has. Now, forgive yourself for what you have done.

I found that I was the last person to forgive me. I don't remember if you are an AA person Least, but I found the ability to forgive myself by working the Steps..specifically 5,6 and 7.

Heya Least-
Easy does it!
I completely forgave my father for the 15 years of my life that he was an active alcoholic. It wasn't hard to forgive him because once he got into recovery he really changed and his continued sobriety was just the most awesome thing to witness. He didn't try to rush anything with us.

Our family was pretty messed up thanks to his alcoholism and my mom's relentless codependence. Like, as a little girl and teenager I saw and felt some nightmarish stuff, but my dad's dedication to his recovery and the fact that the insanity with him STOPPED, 100%, was such a miracle and his humility in asking for our forgiveness was just mindblowing. I accept my childhood - it's made me the unique person that I am. And my father getting sober was like the greatest example I've ever had of courage and the ability to change "what we can!" He was my hero!!

Forgive yourself Least! Don't dwell on the past - it's gone, you're free today to be who you want to be for yourself and your daughter. Give her the freedom to deal with her past on her own terms.

Peace and (((hugs))) and congrats on your recovery/sobriety!
B.

Least, forgiveness of self comes from HARD WORK on changing our ways. I found a way to do that by working the 12 Steps of AA with a sponsor.

My 'amends' to my family, children and friends, was my staying sober and changing me. As time went on, the barriers slowly came down, and by about 5 years sober most of the fences were mended and our relationship was stronger than it had ever been.

As to forgiving myself, that really happened when I completed the 4th and 5th steps.

I know you have been struggling with sobriety sweetie, but you really need to give those meetings, AND A SPONSOR, a good long try. I can say (I won't guarantee as I don't know how WILLING you are yet) that going to meetings, doing what is suggested, working with a sponsor, slowly making new sober friends) can and will CHANGE your life forever, and it is a POSITIVE change. The obsession to drink will be lifted. Alcohol will no longer be a part of your life, and the guilt will pass.

Wallowing in the guilt is just an EXCUSE TO PICK UP AGAIN. Moving forward in Sobriety, eases and will eventually remove the guilt.

Yes, there are things I did, during my 24 years of actively drinking that I had great guilt and remorse for. Moving forward in sobriety, working the steps, making MY AMENDS, and knowing that there is no way in H*ll that I would do any of those things again, has allowed me and many thousands of others to forgive ourselves.

Making a COMMITMENT to Sobriety and doing EVERYTHING in your power to keep that commitment is the start.

Love and hugs from a very grateful double winner.