UPDATE to Calling 911/Protecting my Infant
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
UPDATE to Calling 911/Protecting my Infant
Well, its been a long night. I didn't have to call 911 myself. He got a DUI last night! Why am I happy? I am hoping this is a blessing in disguise.
Long story short a girlfriend called me and said he was getting pulled over as she was driving by. I knew he was very intoxicated so I went down there and sure enough he was going thru all the tests. He ended up blowing a .22! Almost 3 times the legal limit. They actually released him to me rather than going to jail last night but he is charged with DUI. His second one in 6 years!
I am hoping this is what he needs to wake up. I know he will lose his license for a year and is probably looking at some jail time. He is very upset and last night was talking very scary about suicide although he still had alcohol in him. He will probably lose his job as well. Oh, he was driving his work truck too. I wonder if his employer will find that out?
Thank you all for your responses. It did help me realize I am not crazy or overreacting. I will post more later. I have to pack as we were all supposed to leave town for a few days. Not sure what H's plan is now.
Thank you, thank you thank you!!
Long story short a girlfriend called me and said he was getting pulled over as she was driving by. I knew he was very intoxicated so I went down there and sure enough he was going thru all the tests. He ended up blowing a .22! Almost 3 times the legal limit. They actually released him to me rather than going to jail last night but he is charged with DUI. His second one in 6 years!
I am hoping this is what he needs to wake up. I know he will lose his license for a year and is probably looking at some jail time. He is very upset and last night was talking very scary about suicide although he still had alcohol in him. He will probably lose his job as well. Oh, he was driving his work truck too. I wonder if his employer will find that out?
Thank you all for your responses. It did help me realize I am not crazy or overreacting. I will post more later. I have to pack as we were all supposed to leave town for a few days. Not sure what H's plan is now.
Thank you, thank you thank you!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
Originally Posted by Startingover2 
Oh, he was driving his work truck too. I wonder if his employer will find that out?
Originally Posted by Startingover2
Not sure what H's plan is now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Don't hinge your hopes on this being his bottom or waking him up. We have a fellow in our AA group who has had 9 DUIs. It took the 9th one to wake him up.
The important thing is to focus on you, and what you can do for yourself and that precious baby.
The important thing is to focus on you, and what you can do for yourself and that precious baby.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Sad but true: my sister got 4 DUIs and it still didn't "wake her up."
His life is his life. I'm wondering what YOU are going to do to protect yourself -- and the child you've made the decision to have -- from a downward spiraling life with a violent, abusive, self-destructive, unemployed alcoholic ? Do you plan to drive him around for the next few years? Pay all the bills? Buy his liquor? Do you have a plan in case he doesn't choose recovery?
Is this the life you've always dreamed of, for yourself, for a child of yours? You DO know you deserve a much better life than this......right ?
Wishing for you the strength and wisdom to protect yourself, no matter what choices he makes. You cannot save him. You can only save yourself.
Hugs,
GL
His life is his life. I'm wondering what YOU are going to do to protect yourself -- and the child you've made the decision to have -- from a downward spiraling life with a violent, abusive, self-destructive, unemployed alcoholic ? Do you plan to drive him around for the next few years? Pay all the bills? Buy his liquor? Do you have a plan in case he doesn't choose recovery?
Is this the life you've always dreamed of, for yourself, for a child of yours? You DO know you deserve a much better life than this......right ?
Wishing for you the strength and wisdom to protect yourself, no matter what choices he makes. You cannot save him. You can only save yourself.
Hugs,
GL
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Sadly I must say do not be shocked if your AH does not see the light....
My XABF got 3 in one year and another the next year! Was in and out of jail due
to violating an RO....stalking me! Among many other things and the man is still drinking!
(Oh wait he had surgery due his drinking an ulcer!)
My brother well.....still drinking-has had 5 DUI's, lost several jobs,was in jail 3 times, lost his home, his wife, his kids, now some of us his family,bleeding from his liver,living on credit cards and guess what...
another DUI last week! Facing up to 5 years in prision
IMHO I would not worry so much about if your husband is going to see the light
as much as I would worry about yourself and what you are going to do for
yourself.
I could not live with behavior such as my XABF anymore...so it ended after
a long painful roller coaster ride. My brother is heading for a close second with
me as I only allow so much and refuse to speak to him when he is drinking-so
that leaves me about 10 minutes maybe a week where I can get him sober....
Please take care of you!
and that baby most importantly!
The "what if's" are not going to keep the two of you safe! Trust me....
My XABF got 3 in one year and another the next year! Was in and out of jail due
to violating an RO....stalking me! Among many other things and the man is still drinking!
(Oh wait he had surgery due his drinking an ulcer!)
My brother well.....still drinking-has had 5 DUI's, lost several jobs,was in jail 3 times, lost his home, his wife, his kids, now some of us his family,bleeding from his liver,living on credit cards and guess what...
another DUI last week! Facing up to 5 years in prision
IMHO I would not worry so much about if your husband is going to see the light
as much as I would worry about yourself and what you are going to do for
yourself.
I could not live with behavior such as my XABF anymore...so it ended after
a long painful roller coaster ride. My brother is heading for a close second with
me as I only allow so much and refuse to speak to him when he is drinking-so
that leaves me about 10 minutes maybe a week where I can get him sober....
Please take care of you!
and that baby most importantly! The "what if's" are not going to keep the two of you safe! Trust me....
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
If I were worried about my infant son's safety (especially since you say the abuse escalates when your partner is drunk), the last thing I would have done is drive out to the scene of the DUI and offer to take my drunken husband home! The best way for an alcoholic to suffer the effects of their drinking is to allow the police to haul him off to jail.
When it comes my safety and the safety of my children, I always have choices. Invite a drunken abuser into my home or let the police cart him off to jail? Which choice would ensure a safe night for myself and my children? Which choice would put me and my children in harm's way?
One of the most important lessons I learned from SR is this: While I may be powerless over another person's drinking and actions, I am not powerless. My higher power gave me the gift of choice. And today I use that gift liberally.
When it comes my safety and the safety of my children, I always have choices. Invite a drunken abuser into my home or let the police cart him off to jail? Which choice would ensure a safe night for myself and my children? Which choice would put me and my children in harm's way?
One of the most important lessons I learned from SR is this: While I may be powerless over another person's drinking and actions, I am not powerless. My higher power gave me the gift of choice. And today I use that gift liberally.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 63
If he has no job and no driver's license....you do NOT want him living anywhere near YOU !!.....
He'll have nothing to do but drink all day/night !
Do you have a trusted relative or friend living nearby that you could start taking some of your possessions to now ?, so that if you have to go to a women's shelter, you will not have to go back to where he lives to retrieve anything important.
I got the impression that they took him to the police dept. to be charged with the DUI....and after that you picked him up when he realized he wasn't being kept there.
The police wouldn't have let you take him home from the scene where he was stopped.
Not in Texas anyway.....don't know what state you're in.
He'll have nothing to do but drink all day/night !
Do you have a trusted relative or friend living nearby that you could start taking some of your possessions to now ?, so that if you have to go to a women's shelter, you will not have to go back to where he lives to retrieve anything important.
I got the impression that they took him to the police dept. to be charged with the DUI....and after that you picked him up when he realized he wasn't being kept there.
The police wouldn't have let you take him home from the scene where he was stopped.
Not in Texas anyway.....don't know what state you're in.
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 2,859
How is protecting your infant bringing him with you knowing he was drunk?I am a child of an alcoholic and I used to have to go to bars with my dad and find rides home for my dad and us. Otherwise I would have to walk home with my sister down a dark busy road alone while my dad was passed out. This was my life I wish my mom would had know enough to know it would affect me the rest of my life. I wish he wouldnt come home. U have the choice you still pick him up you still rescued him. how is this helping? How is it helping your daughter? I only wish my words get through to you so another child DOESNT have to go through what I did. You chose to have a child. Its YOUR job to PROTECT your child. Dont let the pain what you go through make it something the kid has to endure. Your an adult you chose this your child DID NOT>
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 633
Please let them put him in jail the next time and let HIM figure out how to get home(there will be a next time because all he has learned is that you will be around to save him).
I put up with my share of crap during 16 years with an A but he always knew that if he got a DUI I would NEVER get him out and if he ever hit me or endangered my child he would be dead meat.
Ask the police for a copy of the report so you have something in case he does try to get joint custody. From now on every time he get drunk and acts up call the police and make a report. Document EVERYTHING. My ex did not even try to get joint custody because he knew I had kept records to prove how much he drinks (pictures, bank statements, receipts).
I put up with my share of crap during 16 years with an A but he always knew that if he got a DUI I would NEVER get him out and if he ever hit me or endangered my child he would be dead meat.
Ask the police for a copy of the report so you have something in case he does try to get joint custody. From now on every time he get drunk and acts up call the police and make a report. Document EVERYTHING. My ex did not even try to get joint custody because he knew I had kept records to prove how much he drinks (pictures, bank statements, receipts).
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 63
I'm Confirming that documentation by the police is extremely important !
Did you know that documentation by Yourself is also an extremely helpful thing for you and/or your atty. to have ?
If you can do that, or just keep track of things in a journal online and password protected, do so.
Did you know that documentation by Yourself is also an extremely helpful thing for you and/or your atty. to have ?
If you can do that, or just keep track of things in a journal online and password protected, do so.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 172
I to wish you would have let them haul his butt off to jail. that is what he deserved. But you can not change that now. You did the best you could. Please be sure to go away and move forward with your out of town plans regardless of what he choses to do. Most likely his employer will find out that he was driving the company truck and got the DUI -the courts will probably notify them at least in NJ they would find out.
Just start slowly. Protect your child. My husband is an alcoholic only in part because he grew up with it his entire life, also spending days in the bar and being thrown out of a car by a drunk father and seeing his mother being abused most of his life. his mother said she did the best she could with what she had, but she did not protect her children and all three of them deal with different addictions the other two are 31 and 38 and still live at home as they learned nothing about being independent as they had a drunk father to tend to all the time. They have arrested development and would never know their ages just by speaking to them, you would think they are teenagers. They lived with a mother that enabled their father to treat her and the children like garbage due to his addiction. Please you are young and your baby is young enough to get out of this safely. Do the right thing by her and get out. take a stand for your child and her future.
I am hear if you need anything. i will help you find shelter in your area or what ever you need to do. Again if he drinks which most likely he will and he will use being upset over the DUI as yet another excuse and gets loud or vilent - please call the police and have him taken away.
You have a friend here.
Just start slowly. Protect your child. My husband is an alcoholic only in part because he grew up with it his entire life, also spending days in the bar and being thrown out of a car by a drunk father and seeing his mother being abused most of his life. his mother said she did the best she could with what she had, but she did not protect her children and all three of them deal with different addictions the other two are 31 and 38 and still live at home as they learned nothing about being independent as they had a drunk father to tend to all the time. They have arrested development and would never know their ages just by speaking to them, you would think they are teenagers. They lived with a mother that enabled their father to treat her and the children like garbage due to his addiction. Please you are young and your baby is young enough to get out of this safely. Do the right thing by her and get out. take a stand for your child and her future.
I am hear if you need anything. i will help you find shelter in your area or what ever you need to do. Again if he drinks which most likely he will and he will use being upset over the DUI as yet another excuse and gets loud or vilent - please call the police and have him taken away.
You have a friend here.
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