My own personal Independence Day
Can't make sense out of crazy.
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the Bluegrass, Baby!
Posts: 211
My own personal Independence Day
is today.
I am stepping out of this madness for good.
As much as it hurts, he is hurting me more and I am allowing it.
I can't keep living like this, I have to get off this awful, cruel rollercoaster, I am two steps away from the loony bin as it is.
I will never be able to trust him ever again, I just don't see how we'd ever be able to be the same. He is not interested in any type of change or growth in himself, or in our marriage/relationship. He is so steeped in a lifelong pattern of denial that I don't think there is any hope of him ever changing. He is still blaming me in every way he can and taking no real responsibility. I've have given him chances again and again to step up and begin to get help, but he is simply not interested. And I have to accept that.
If I am brutally honest with myself, I KNOW without a doubt that there is no hope of any type of a healthy future with him.
So, time to give up on all my hopes and dreams and prayers and face life as it is....time for reality.
Time to move on, get on with MY life, as hard as it will be, as hopeless and dreary as it looks now, must get on with things.
He is a manipulative liar and a cheater and a self-absorbed, very troubled boy in a man's body. He was like this before I ever even met him so despite what his family would like to say, I am NOT the cause of this.
He claims he loves me so much, yet the TRUTH is, is he wouldn't know real love if it came up and smacked him in the face.
So, I'm giving him his freedom today, but more importantly I'm giving me my own freedom (even if I'm not 100% convinced I want it right now)
Thanks for being there everyone.
I am stepping out of this madness for good.
As much as it hurts, he is hurting me more and I am allowing it.
I can't keep living like this, I have to get off this awful, cruel rollercoaster, I am two steps away from the loony bin as it is.
I will never be able to trust him ever again, I just don't see how we'd ever be able to be the same. He is not interested in any type of change or growth in himself, or in our marriage/relationship. He is so steeped in a lifelong pattern of denial that I don't think there is any hope of him ever changing. He is still blaming me in every way he can and taking no real responsibility. I've have given him chances again and again to step up and begin to get help, but he is simply not interested. And I have to accept that.
If I am brutally honest with myself, I KNOW without a doubt that there is no hope of any type of a healthy future with him.
So, time to give up on all my hopes and dreams and prayers and face life as it is....time for reality.
Time to move on, get on with MY life, as hard as it will be, as hopeless and dreary as it looks now, must get on with things.
He is a manipulative liar and a cheater and a self-absorbed, very troubled boy in a man's body. He was like this before I ever even met him so despite what his family would like to say, I am NOT the cause of this.
He claims he loves me so much, yet the TRUTH is, is he wouldn't know real love if it came up and smacked him in the face.
So, I'm giving him his freedom today, but more importantly I'm giving me my own freedom (even if I'm not 100% convinced I want it right now)
Thanks for being there everyone.
Last edited by strongerwoman; 07-04-2008 at 03:47 PM.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Wales
Posts: 523
Hi Strongerwoman
Wow you sound so much better today. What a fantastic day to start your independance.
You are starting to take steps to your happiness by taking those darned rose tinted glasses off and seeing clearly. Well done you.
Mairxx
Wow you sound so much better today. What a fantastic day to start your independance.
You are starting to take steps to your happiness by taking those darned rose tinted glasses off and seeing clearly. Well done you.
Mairxx
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((SW)))
You DO sound better.
It's NOT easy once you've made this decision, but the good thing is.....there is a ton of support here from people who've been-there-done-that, and once you start looking for more supportive people f2f, you'll find them.
I'm glad you've made this decision. You and your kids deserve it!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
You DO sound better.
It's NOT easy once you've made this decision, but the good thing is.....there is a ton of support here from people who've been-there-done-that, and once you start looking for more supportive people f2f, you'll find them.
I'm glad you've made this decision. You and your kids deserve it!
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Time to move on, get on with MY life, as hard as it will be, as hopeless and dreary as it looks now, must get on with things.
My experience in recovery has been that once I get to the heart of the matter, my choice and plan of action is very simple; not always easy, but definitely worth it.
You can do this and not just survive but thrive.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
I can remember the incredible relief I felt once I made a decision to move forward in a healthy way. The footwork wasn't always easy, but I knew I was taking the necessary actions to create a positive environment for myself.
HUGS. Happy independence day!
HUGS. Happy independence day!
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
I am NOT the cause of this.
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
I am so glad you sound so much better today! You have begun to take positive steps for YOU which is wonderful!
FD makes some very valid points though Strongerwoman.
When I first came to SR I wasn't ready to acknowledge or wished to hear that, but part of recovery is to understand and acknowledge what one is doing to cause themselves pain. Therefore if I truely wanted to stop the suffering, I needed to begin to take a look at my actions and reactions and how these were bringing me to a place of sadness.
I had learnt to behave in ways that enabled me to survive mentally. However these learnt behaviours were not necessarily working for my best interest because I learnt these behviours from people who were unhealthy themselves. It did my recovery no help to blame my feelings or my situation on my exabf. I had to take responsibility for my feelings and my reactions to my life.
Have you got 'codependant no more' by Melody Beattie? if not I think this would be great for you to read, after months of work on me I have just started it and already I am learning more again! If you have got it, read it again, now that your eyes are more open, you may see things in it you did not before.
Congratualtions o you for making this step, keep posting for encouragement and help!
Love Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
FD makes some very valid points though Strongerwoman.
When I first came to SR I wasn't ready to acknowledge or wished to hear that, but part of recovery is to understand and acknowledge what one is doing to cause themselves pain. Therefore if I truely wanted to stop the suffering, I needed to begin to take a look at my actions and reactions and how these were bringing me to a place of sadness.
I had learnt to behave in ways that enabled me to survive mentally. However these learnt behaviours were not necessarily working for my best interest because I learnt these behviours from people who were unhealthy themselves. It did my recovery no help to blame my feelings or my situation on my exabf. I had to take responsibility for my feelings and my reactions to my life.
Have you got 'codependant no more' by Melody Beattie? if not I think this would be great for you to read, after months of work on me I have just started it and already I am learning more again! If you have got it, read it again, now that your eyes are more open, you may see things in it you did not before.
Congratualtions o you for making this step, keep posting for encouragement and help!
Love Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Washington State
Posts: 51
Wow, I didn't read this one until after I posted the other one. You go Girl!!
Really it is two steps forward one step back and it is not easy. As much as I know divorcing my AH is the best thing for me my heart is still broken.
I believe he is an addiction for me...for example: I met with him the other day to go over paperwork. He still says he loves me and wants me back. He is very good looking and it would be so easy to jump in his arms because he knows all the right things to say and knows all the right things to do. I'm lonely and he is my drug. But if I did we would be happy for maybe 2 days and the whole cycle would start again -I know because I've done it before.
Now when I leave him, I cry for a while but then I go home and have peace, serenity and happy children without drama in their lives. That is so much better that the craziness I was living with. I promise it will get better. You must lean on us and those around you who love you and want to support you.
Really it is two steps forward one step back and it is not easy. As much as I know divorcing my AH is the best thing for me my heart is still broken.
I believe he is an addiction for me...for example: I met with him the other day to go over paperwork. He still says he loves me and wants me back. He is very good looking and it would be so easy to jump in his arms because he knows all the right things to say and knows all the right things to do. I'm lonely and he is my drug. But if I did we would be happy for maybe 2 days and the whole cycle would start again -I know because I've done it before.
Now when I leave him, I cry for a while but then I go home and have peace, serenity and happy children without drama in their lives. That is so much better that the craziness I was living with. I promise it will get better. You must lean on us and those around you who love you and want to support you.
I believe I can do this
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 85
Time to take a step back for yourself. Put a moratorium on your relationship with your AH and focus on yourself. It's painful, I know. I just lost my marriage too, though I was the AH. Things got so messed up between my wife and I that everything just compounded and the slightest thing resulted in huge explosions between us. It wasn't until we stopped fighting and focused on ourselves that we started to heal. You are worth the time out.
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