stillsearching

Hi everyone,

I had recorded Monday nights "Intervention" and watched it last night. It was about a woman, she was married with 2 children. She was addicted to pain medication, it was heartbreaking to watch her very emotional younger son, who had at one time come home from school to find his Mom had overdosed and the poor boy was living in such fear that he was going to find her dead one day.

There was something about the show that made me wonder....she was constantly sitting in the garage, she had a beautiful home, but had her own little area in the garage where she sat all day, when the family wanted to talk with her they all went to the garage. This rang a bell for me, because that is what my husband does, he either sits in the garage that is attached to our house, or our 2nd big garage. He will sit there almost all day and parts of the night....weird. He has a calendar and everything, it's like his room, it kind of creeps me out. I know the reason he does this is so that he can have all day long access to his whiskey bottle, he says it's because he can't smoke in the house....he will come in for a few minutes at a time, I think to try and pretend that he is part of this family and then back out again. I think he just likes to isolate himself, because it really is just about him and the booze, has been for some time now.

Just wondering if you guys can relate to this...did or does your A has his spot??

nowwhat

That is eerie.

My XAH spent all his time in either our small attached garage, or our large detached garage. So he could smoke, of course. We had a beautiful house and he spent almost all of his time in the grubby garages, talking on the phone, watching movies on the laptop, and smoking.

Tally

When my A was active he used to say he wished he had his own room or place he could go to be alone...didn't want the looks or comments or have to burden himself on us, basically he just wanted to be alone to drink without any outside imput or around anything that could make him feel worse than he already did or remind him of what he was doing...it's sad really.

peaceteach

Honestly, as a smoker, I think it's the smoking. If I couldn't smoke in my house (yes, I know, yuck, smelly, and yes, I do wish I didn't) I would spend most of my time in my garage also. I'm that addicted to it. I will drive myself to events rather than ride with others in their car, just so I can smoke. I will spend the entire day outside at a party so that I can smoke. If I'm somewhere where I can't smoke, I find myself irritable and ready to leave so that I can smoke. I know it's just terrible and difficult for a nonsmoker to imagine, but I think I understand where your A's are coming from.

justanothrdrunk

Yep, I had my "man cave." I was a nonsmoker, so mine was in the house. We have this office/den with a TV and that's where I spent the bulk of my time.

I've found that I can't spend much time in that room any more. We have plans to rearrange some furniture and turn that room into a spare bedroom.

i4getsm

I think it's the smoking as well as another way to isolate themselves while drinking. In fact, smoking in and of itself is a way to isolate yourself. You can't talk when you take a drag, it keeps people at a distance, and it's something to do...so if you're bored, you can always say "I gotta go smoke". As a smoker myself, I know I do this.

Astro

Yep, the garage was my favorite place to indulge in my favorite hobby, drinking. One of our other members here (Tazman) often shares about how much time he spent there too.

I usually kept a bottle of vodka hidden out there. My family would see me come in to get beers out of the fridge, what they didn't know was that I was getting hammered from the vodka. My rationality told me that I was hiding something from them, but I think everyone here can agree that alcoholics are pretty poor at hiding just about everything.

I also hid my chewing tobacco in the garage. I had told my wife (now ex) years earlier that I'd quit, but that was a lie I kept going for a long time. Naturally she knew better, it was pretty hard to hide the odor and the pieces stuck in my teeth. Yuck, glad I gave that up just before I quit drinking.

I'd work on my truck, sweep the driveway, work on hobbies, do yardwork, and watch our kids while they played (some father, huh?). Looking back, I was leading a pretty pathetic life. No wonder I enjoy recovery so much!

isitme

I also think the garage is about the smoking. My ABF as well as his dad.. any myself were all garage people. I never was before I met him. We would go out there to smoke, listen to music and drink. ABF started going out more to drink and I started to still go in the garage myself. I could stay out there all night. His dad actually has a desk in his garage and does all of his business from out there. It is a strange phenomenon, but I think it's about the smoking.

Barbara52

My xAH isolated up in our bedroom. He wasn't hiding the drinking since he saw (and sees now) nothing wrong with getting drunk on a daily basis. He just chose to isolate himself from his family and life in general.

hadenoughnow

My ex would sit in the living room and drink what he thought was a socially acceptable amount(he is very needy and always wanted an audience to his drunken babbling) but he would also hang out in the garage and bathroom for his "secret" drinking and to smoke.

I used to wish he would just stay in the garage and drink LOL. He always wanted constant attention, one of the main reasons I threw him out is he became abusive when I refused to be his audience any longer.

Lilyflower

My ex took to hanging out in our bedroom. He would literally spend all day in there, come get food, disappear back again. He would smoke, watch TV, read. I don't think it was about hiding the drink, it was all out in the open, although when he left I found cans and cans hidden behind wardrobes (closets in the US?) under the bed etc.

I think he just wanted the isolation from everyone.

lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

nowinsituation

My STBXAH's hideout was "his" detached 2nd garage -- he was not a smoker so that wasn't the reason. Drinking, drinking, drinking, and chewing tobacco. Yes he would pretend to be working on stuff, the mowers, tiller, weedeater, whatever. It was all about the drinking.

suzieq1972

My stbxah didn't even bother hiding out anywhere. He just poured his vodka into his cup of diet coke and sat there with us watching tv. I am so glad our son never picked up the cup to get a drink, what a shock that would have been for him.

juju

Garage drinker here too!

The garage is his toy room. Not for cars, mind you, his toys. And his vodka


I established my boundary of no booze in the house. Guess I should have been more specific!!



Love the smilies!

LisaWayne

Our condo doesnt have any spare rooms and space in the garage is all used up. My AH sits in a recliner in the living room, which is also his bedroom! I have taken to hanging out in the bedroom we have basically never shared. When the kids were younger they used to spend a lot of time in there with me. Now they hang out more in their room and spend some time with drunk daddy too. They hang with him through the early evening if he's not being too sarcastic or irritating cuz they know he'll be "asleep" before it gets late. I am still amazed at how my AH doesnt understand our reluctance to be near him. I personally try to spend as few minutes as possible in his presence each day. Some days it works, some days, not so much.

baileyboop

My STBAH travels to drink. He "creates" out of town meetings, so he can binge. I think he does this because he is somewhat ashamed and knows it is wrong. He doesn't wasn't his family (kids, me, parents, ect.) to see how he really is when he is binging.