I can't post here anymore
Have had a combination of texts and call since the police were informed, 8 in total, all reported. I have a feeling that people might have been right about the keystroke loggger as have been using my mums laptop and have had no problems (yet) but it may be that he is just being more cautious as the police mentioned that they know he has access to my emails.
Nuisance calls to my cellphone should stop now as I have changed the number. I am wary of texting anything personal to anyone as he had his own text messages sycronised to his PC and I am worried he may have set mine up the same, I need to get it to the shop and looked at.
Thanks to you all for your kind words and support
Nuisance calls to my cellphone should stop now as I have changed the number. I am wary of texting anything personal to anyone as he had his own text messages sycronised to his PC and I am worried he may have set mine up the same, I need to get it to the shop and looked at.
Thanks to you all for your kind words and support
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 95
Another techie here
If you are using a new computer and are sure its not a keylogger then the next step is to change your email password or, better yet, get a new email address altogether (again, with a new password). Most sites you register for have a feature that allows you to retrieve forgotten passwords. Typically, you enter your email address and they email you the password or a link to change the password.
If I were in your situation I would register an email account with ***** (or any other free email service you prefer), and then update the email address on all my other accounts (like SR) to use the new email. After the email addresses have been updated you can then change all your passwords.
If you are using a new computer and are sure its not a keylogger then the next step is to change your email password or, better yet, get a new email address altogether (again, with a new password). Most sites you register for have a feature that allows you to retrieve forgotten passwords. Typically, you enter your email address and they email you the password or a link to change the password.
If I were in your situation I would register an email account with ***** (or any other free email service you prefer), and then update the email address on all my other accounts (like SR) to use the new email. After the email addresses have been updated you can then change all your passwords.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 95
Excellent, I hope that helps!
One other thing you can try is simply log out of the sites you are registered at and try going to all the "Forgot your password?" links. While most will email your password to you (which is good because you now have a new email address) others may ask a security question (ex: What is your mother's maiden name?) which, if answered correctly, will allow you to change the password right there. If that is the case you will want to log in and get that security question changed.
Also, out of curiosity, are your pc and the new one you are using now in the same house? While unlikely, it is possible to compromise the home networking hardware to log/forward browsing activity. If you run into further issues now that you are on a new computer and email address then you may want to take a look at the network hardware you are using to connect to the internet.
One other thing you can try is simply log out of the sites you are registered at and try going to all the "Forgot your password?" links. While most will email your password to you (which is good because you now have a new email address) others may ask a security question (ex: What is your mother's maiden name?) which, if answered correctly, will allow you to change the password right there. If that is the case you will want to log in and get that security question changed.
Also, out of curiosity, are your pc and the new one you are using now in the same house? While unlikely, it is possible to compromise the home networking hardware to log/forward browsing activity. If you run into further issues now that you are on a new computer and email address then you may want to take a look at the network hardware you are using to connect to the internet.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Wales
Posts: 523
Oh Sweetie what a git he is. They will do and say anything to get us back on that rollercoaster.
This will make you stronger in the long run. Keep safe, never under estimate them.
Your coping with this really well, and dont forget we are all here for you.
ps when you coming to Wales???
Mair
This will make you stronger in the long run. Keep safe, never under estimate them.
Your coping with this really well, and dont forget we are all here for you.
ps when you coming to Wales???
Mair
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 325
Sweetie-
I am right now on my way to sentancing for OFP violation (order for protection).
At times I go into fear- and don't post. Also in a stalker group.
Some "safe" computers- libraries.. or if your have something called workforce.
Sending you HUGE hugs and prayers-
Some other things to be aware of- if he has ever had access to your cell phone- get rid of it immediately is what the stalking experts advise. (same with the computer-uggg)
Make sure that your phone does not have locate on it- they can follow your movements real time.
A note to the stalker-
Please stop for not just sweeties sake but yours. Accept for today she needs her privacy, to be able to talk. What she feels or writes about one day- could be completely different the next.. this is a place where we sometimes get all out yuck out.. reason things out.. we learn, not just about addicts but ourselves our feelings.. where we blow steam.. It is our "safe" place.. anonymous place to talk.. and to heal.
I am right now on my way to sentancing for OFP violation (order for protection).
At times I go into fear- and don't post. Also in a stalker group.
Some "safe" computers- libraries.. or if your have something called workforce.
Sending you HUGE hugs and prayers-
Some other things to be aware of- if he has ever had access to your cell phone- get rid of it immediately is what the stalking experts advise. (same with the computer-uggg)
Make sure that your phone does not have locate on it- they can follow your movements real time.
A note to the stalker-
Please stop for not just sweeties sake but yours. Accept for today she needs her privacy, to be able to talk. What she feels or writes about one day- could be completely different the next.. this is a place where we sometimes get all out yuck out.. reason things out.. we learn, not just about addicts but ourselves our feelings.. where we blow steam.. It is our "safe" place.. anonymous place to talk.. and to heal.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Syracuse, NY
Posts: 13
Ya know what.........let the creep see that you have a good network of people who are doing some postive things for you......that is what is pissing him off the most...let him play his games...don't let him scare you off
Mair, a trip to Wales is just what I could do with right now :-) my boys are going soon but I'll be stuck at work :-(
The tip about the phone is a good one, I plan to take it in the shop to get them to have a look at it as he had his txt messages synced to his PC and I wonder if he may have done the same to mine.
As for continuing to post to **** him off; that's exactly the plan. He's made comments about people here being negative but when most have put up with their crap for years it's understandable that we aren't a barrel of laughs all the time. There are however some very positive people here with very wise heads on their shoulders.
Apparently he reckons I need to get to an AA meeting and "feel the love in the room", I'd rather spend time with friends, family and my kids, people that really love me than have a group hug session with a bunch of strangers.
The tip about the phone is a good one, I plan to take it in the shop to get them to have a look at it as he had his txt messages synced to his PC and I wonder if he may have done the same to mine.
As for continuing to post to **** him off; that's exactly the plan. He's made comments about people here being negative but when most have put up with their crap for years it's understandable that we aren't a barrel of laughs all the time. There are however some very positive people here with very wise heads on their shoulders.
Apparently he reckons I need to get to an AA meeting and "feel the love in the room", I'd rather spend time with friends, family and my kids, people that really love me than have a group hug session with a bunch of strangers.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
The best advice I've seen hands down regarding how to handle stalkers can be found in "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin Debecker. I just finished reading it this week. How you handle a stalking situation is very important to your safety. Well meaning police know little about how to handle the situation and often escalate it. The best place to go for advice on how to handle this situation is a woman's shelter.
One quick piece of advice: don't do anything with the intention of angering him. He's dangling a worm, don't take the bait. This is a dangerous game he's playing. Don't be his partner.
I was planning to share some excerpts from that book this week, but will do so post haste. In the meantime, contact a woman's shelter and ask for their advice and pick up a copy of "The Gift of Fear" TODAY. It's worth every penny.
One quick piece of advice: don't do anything with the intention of angering him. He's dangling a worm, don't take the bait. This is a dangerous game he's playing. Don't be his partner.
I was planning to share some excerpts from that book this week, but will do so post haste. In the meantime, contact a woman's shelter and ask for their advice and pick up a copy of "The Gift of Fear" TODAY. It's worth every penny.
It will get sorted, it's just going to take some time and I'll be using my mums PC in the interim. I think it will end up costing me a bit financially and as a single mum with 2 children I could have done without that but it's a small price to pay to get him off my back.
With all that he's done/doing I am still getting the "I love you", "Give me another chance", and "Help me" text messages.
With all that he's done/doing I am still getting the "I love you", "Give me another chance", and "Help me" text messages.
I'm so sorry. I went through the same ordeal with my ex, who was a true geek on every level. Follow the advice above and come back and hang out with us.
Former Doormat's advice about seeking guidance through a women's shelter is right on. They may not be able to resolve the problem immediately but it will help you, Sweetie, to feel their understanding.
XABF stalked me through a divorce support forum as our relationship was disintegrating and for months after I had sent him the "no more contact" email. He even copied some of my posts in the divorce support forum and sent them to my xH with the warning to my xH to be "on guard".
Initially, when I went "no contact", he threatened all kinds of revenge. I contacted the police and we discussed a restraining order but they also told me that often the threats are basically empty and the best advice they could give was for me to stick to my "no contact" resolution.....block emails, block his phone number etc. But there were days when I felt overwhelmingly helpless coming home to see his unread emails sent to the delete box or finding more voice messages from him. He was too far away to be a physical threat but I didn't put it past him not to try and come here. That's when I reached out to a women's telephone hotline and poured it all out to the volunteer who understood exactly what I was going through. And, I have to say that the wise people here on Sober Recovery were also a wonderful source of strength.
Who knows why the A feels the need to have this control? What a sheer waste of time and energy, all fuelled by the addiction.
The good news is that it's been nearly a year of no contact and XABF appears not to have tried to contact me since Valentine's Day...go figure! I couldn't understand how he could say he loved me still after invading my privacy through his stalking. He is sick!
I haven't let my guard down as far as he is concerned but life is good because it's life on MY terms now.
Wishing you healing and peace, Sweetie. Stay strong.
ARL
XABF stalked me through a divorce support forum as our relationship was disintegrating and for months after I had sent him the "no more contact" email. He even copied some of my posts in the divorce support forum and sent them to my xH with the warning to my xH to be "on guard".
Initially, when I went "no contact", he threatened all kinds of revenge. I contacted the police and we discussed a restraining order but they also told me that often the threats are basically empty and the best advice they could give was for me to stick to my "no contact" resolution.....block emails, block his phone number etc. But there were days when I felt overwhelmingly helpless coming home to see his unread emails sent to the delete box or finding more voice messages from him. He was too far away to be a physical threat but I didn't put it past him not to try and come here. That's when I reached out to a women's telephone hotline and poured it all out to the volunteer who understood exactly what I was going through. And, I have to say that the wise people here on Sober Recovery were also a wonderful source of strength.
Who knows why the A feels the need to have this control? What a sheer waste of time and energy, all fuelled by the addiction.
The good news is that it's been nearly a year of no contact and XABF appears not to have tried to contact me since Valentine's Day...go figure! I couldn't understand how he could say he loved me still after invading my privacy through his stalking. He is sick!
I haven't let my guard down as far as he is concerned but life is good because it's life on MY terms now.
Wishing you healing and peace, Sweetie. Stay strong.
ARL
I'm a little hurt about the advice about police. They are really much better trained nowadays, since Nicole Simpson. In fact we take more people to shelters than get there any other way. Most bigger departments have a domestic violence officer who works one on one to get you the help you need, shelter, pro-bono lawyers, protective orders and warrants, counseling, etc.
I went through a stalking with my ex, who was a techie also. I refused to do all this modifying to my computer, although you should do it if it helps you. I took out arrest warrants for each of these contact violations (he did all the computer hacking after I had already gotten a no-contact order. Then I stayed with my mom and dad until he got picked up on the warrants. I got one for each jurisdiction he violated in (work and home, 2 dif. counties). His butt went to jail in one county, then got passed up the road to the city, haha. He ended up in the pokie for 4 days sorting it out. And then got two years supervised probation. It is dangerous when you first take out the order, that's when you have to be in protection (secret women's shelter, or with family that have good locks and weapons, or with someone he's afraid of). If you need specific advice, PM me, but it sounds like you are handling it. I'd never advise anyone to put up with this type of stuff. It can be fought, carefully, mindfully, and successfully.
kj
I went through a stalking with my ex, who was a techie also. I refused to do all this modifying to my computer, although you should do it if it helps you. I took out arrest warrants for each of these contact violations (he did all the computer hacking after I had already gotten a no-contact order. Then I stayed with my mom and dad until he got picked up on the warrants. I got one for each jurisdiction he violated in (work and home, 2 dif. counties). His butt went to jail in one county, then got passed up the road to the city, haha. He ended up in the pokie for 4 days sorting it out. And then got two years supervised probation. It is dangerous when you first take out the order, that's when you have to be in protection (secret women's shelter, or with family that have good locks and weapons, or with someone he's afraid of). If you need specific advice, PM me, but it sounds like you are handling it. I'd never advise anyone to put up with this type of stuff. It can be fought, carefully, mindfully, and successfully.
kj
kj...I agree that police departments might be more in tune with these sorts of problems nowadays but many domestic violence units are overstretched in terms of their work-load and not everybody qualifies as a serious enough problem....sadly, in some cases, not until it is too late.
In my case, I had nowhere else to go if things had got bad although the women's refuge I spoke to told me they were an option for me if XABF showed up in person. I had to think about my day-to-day life, my pet, my kid, my job.....all those aspects which would be impacted.
The police officer I spoke to in the first instance told me that his department in a city of 80,000 gets DOZENS of these problems each week and the police department's initial advice is to stick to your boundaries because, in many cases, the stalker is only looking for a reaction. Not all stalkers are psychopaths....even though it feels like it when you are bang in the middle of dealing with stalking!
I believe that XABF's online stalking was fuelled by alcohol. He probably woke up each morning, after an evening at the computer of drinking and stalking, with the resolve of 1)not to drink anymore and 2)not to stalk. But by the time he was heading home from work and his "drinking time" was beginning, he forgot his resolutions of the morning and got back into the drink/stalk habit. Interestingly, the nasty emails he sent me were all sent within his "drinking time". The emails to my xH were time-stamped within his "drinking time". I don't think XABF would have been able to stalk without the alchohol. Hopefully, I am not wrong.....he's still out there. Scary stuff to dwell on.
ARL
In my case, I had nowhere else to go if things had got bad although the women's refuge I spoke to told me they were an option for me if XABF showed up in person. I had to think about my day-to-day life, my pet, my kid, my job.....all those aspects which would be impacted.
The police officer I spoke to in the first instance told me that his department in a city of 80,000 gets DOZENS of these problems each week and the police department's initial advice is to stick to your boundaries because, in many cases, the stalker is only looking for a reaction. Not all stalkers are psychopaths....even though it feels like it when you are bang in the middle of dealing with stalking!
I believe that XABF's online stalking was fuelled by alcohol. He probably woke up each morning, after an evening at the computer of drinking and stalking, with the resolve of 1)not to drink anymore and 2)not to stalk. But by the time he was heading home from work and his "drinking time" was beginning, he forgot his resolutions of the morning and got back into the drink/stalk habit. Interestingly, the nasty emails he sent me were all sent within his "drinking time". The emails to my xH were time-stamped within his "drinking time". I don't think XABF would have been able to stalk without the alchohol. Hopefully, I am not wrong.....he's still out there. Scary stuff to dwell on.
ARL
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