gns

I saw my ex (only dated for 2 months - nonA, but I was very hopeful about him) and then he disappeared with "family problems" 5 months ago.

Today I saw him with his ex wife and children. I wanted to post to express and share my feelings. I had found out that he had children, but he never told me about children. He certainly saw me at the restaurant, but we both avoided each other.

I guess I was hopeful that we would reconnect at some point.

It was hard to see him so involved with his family (I know he should be, and I thought less of him when I thought he wasn't, but it was still hard).

I am not sure why I should care because we aren't even dating, but of course I was still hopeful.

Sometimes it is easy to see things in other people's posts, so please feel free to share any advice or thoughs.

Thanks!

NYC_Chick

I'm sure this was hard, but don't you want to be with someone who wants to be with you? Also, why would you want to be with someone who lied to you about something as important as him having children?

Lilyflower

You only dated for two months and broke up 5 months ago??

I don't think this is about him. You sound too caught up with this for such a small amount of time invested in him. Maybe the situation has brought out feelings in you that are to do with you? Are you feeling lonely? Do you feel untrustworthy because he chose not to talk about his kids?

Just some thoughts I'm throwing out there for you to ponder.

Love Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

gns

Yes i do NYC, but part of me lives in a place where I don't believe I will ever find Mr. perfect, and I start making excuses - he told me that I didn't know everything about him and I would get to know him in time, etc, etc. etc.

gns

I know it does sound (and probably is) over-invested.

I mean, I have continued my life without him, posted on plenty of fish (depressing!) and invested in yoga and friends and even traveled with a friend. Had some work struggles, but overall life has been pretty good - nevertheless, in the back of my mind, I had hoped we would reconnect.

He seemed so promising - smart, affectionate, having values, romantic - maybe that is what I got so swept up with - he was so affectionate and doting?

Lilyflower

I know how you feel gns, I too sometimes think, I will never find that person who is all I dream about.

ha ha, I'm hearing lessons in my head now from things I've read here while I type. We do deserve this person! Sure, no one is perfect, but I know I can make healthy choices that will lead me closer to where he is. If I keep comprimising myself and my dreams I will never get there, I will never find him, because I will choose to be with lesser men because I fear being alone, and I give into my fear.

Keep strong mentally gns, and you will get there, we both will!!!



Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lilyflower

Perhaps. You got a taster of what your dream guy is like, hold onto that and not the guy!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxx

NYC_Chick

I think 2 months is long enough to tell someone you have children. If I was a parent, it would be the first thing out of my mouth on the first date.

I'm not dating and have no idea when I will be ready to, so I'm not sure my advice will be great, but I don't believe there is a Mr. Perfect. I believe that when I have worked through my issues and learned love myself all the time (not just a day here and a day there), I will have a healthy partner in my life. I am working to let my HP handle this and trust things will work out as they are supposed to. In the meantime, I'm learning how to enjoy my own company, something I wasn't able to do when I was so focused on being married and starting a family.

gns

Thank you NYC and Lilyflower for your help and support.

I went to gentle yoga which is so therapeutic for me, and it was sad, but I also felt like I was letting my need for affirmation in a relationship. I hope that is true - but I still feel sad and like a loss.

Well at least I have more yoga tomorrow and therapy tuesday.

This sucks!

Lilyflower

One day at a time. It is just a slump, remember ''this too shall pass''.

love to you
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx