sailorjohn

Had some weird dreams about the ex today, don't recall dreaming much about her when we were seeing each other. Shortly after I got up, I had that flash, this whole thing over the last 22 months was just like my drinking. And why didn't I see it sooner? Had that very same flash shortly after I got sober, why didn't I see it, it seems so obvious now.

Barbara52

I'd say you didn't see it because you weren't ready to see it. Now you are.

tanyapmc

Have you made your amends to your ex? Maybe that is why your having the dreams? Just a thought.

sailorjohn

Sorry Tanya, have two ex's that I'm entangled with, the ex-wife I own a property with that I'm living at now, the exagf I have a van that I own jointly with. The exagf has a PPO on me so there's little I can do there with one very important exception. The amends I owe her are to stay out of her life to stop rescuing her when she gets into financial trouble, to let her find a bottom of some sort, if that's possible.

Someone else posted it up, so for me I found it a very fitting analogy, I'll relate it as it applies to me.

I come across a drowning person, their cries are pitiful and heart-wrenching. I'm standing on the shore, I toss them a life ring with a rope attached, it practically hits them on the head. They cry, I can't pull myself in, come in the water and pull me out. Even though I know I'm not a good swimmer, I jump in. I get there, grab the ring and the drowning person, but in their panic they start to pull us both down, even with the flotation the ring provides. After getting several good mouthfuls of water I manage to free myself from the death grip of the other, and pull myself slowly back to shore with the ring and the rope, the rope being firmly attached, it won't break even with two pulling on it.

Ashore, I rest for a bit, she's still out there floundering and crying for help. Despite my previous experience, I jump back in the water and do it again, and again, and again. Finally, after a great deal of effort I manage to free myself, drag myself slowly and painfully back to shore, and collapse, completely spent from the effort, barely hearing their cries for help. I can't do this again. If I go back in the water I'm going to drown.


And the reality is, she is actually a much better swimmer than me, she could very easily survive this unchanged patiently waiting for the next good citizen to wander by, while the fisherman find me floating in the water out in the lake.

Lilyflower

I think that through my recovery I've been made aware of things I do over and over that are harming me, yet in the past, I did them anyway thinking I would be ok this time. Now I know different and my recovery is stronger.

Sounds like your there with me John. :ghug2

Blessings
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx