LucyA

Hi, I havent posted for a while, just thought I'd let you know how things are going here. Joe (my nephew) has been with me for a few weeks now and it hasn't all been a bed of roses to be honest. His dad plays mind games with him, tells him all about adult stuff that an 11 year old just shouldn't be worrying about and really just messes with his head.
Joe himself, lies, steals and is very secretive (I can understand all of that because of the life he's lived) and I'm working on it with some signs of success. He's doing better at school, although he's a bit disruptive in class at times but I think that might change when he goes to high school after summer.

His dad? still drinking, the relationship with his g/f is off and on, when its off is when he seems to remember Joe and play his mind games because he realises no one else falls for them any more. I have as little contact as possible, the only contact I have with him is when i have to speak to him about Joe.

My mum and dad? they're doing great, you wouldn't think they were the same people 3 months ago, they have no contact with my brother now, thats his choice but my parents seem happier and healthier.

Me? I'm doing ok, but I cant get past hating my brother for what he's done to his son. I've tried, maybe it'll come in time but not yet. I see Joe on the phone with tears in his eyes, being so brave when his dad is too busy to see him and I just want to hurt him as much as he hurts his son.

peaceteach

Hi Lucy! It's so good to hear the update. I know how frustrating it is for you as an aunt. One of my nephews was married a few weeks ago, and just days after the wedding his mom wound up in jail again, could be prison this time. I have remained consistently supportive of all three of my deceased brother's children, now all young adults. They have had to learn to step away from their mother, with the help of family, friends, and new spouses.

Joe must be feeling more at home with you to start showing his "rowdy" teenage side. Please stay firm in your loving commitment to Joe; it will make a great difference for him, knowing that he has one strong and loving adult behind him, encouraging him, and even punishing him for his errors.

How absolutely wonderful that your parents are enjoying life again. I hope that YOU are also finding "me" time and not being too die-hard codie for others. Still, Joe will only be with you for a short few years, and you will not regret giving him the attention he needs and deserves. How are your boys coping with their new "brother" in the house? I would guess that a little peer-pressure goes a long way as the year progresses with Joe and them.

Thanks for the update, Lucy! Hugs and prayers coming across the waters to you

cmc

Lucy,
It's good to hear from you. I don't know your entire situation but have you considered Alateen meetings for Joe? Joe is fortunate to have such a caring aunt.
Keep taking good care of yourself!

Impurrfect

(((Lucy)))

Thanks for the update!

A friend of mine, had her son move back in with her after years of living with his dad (her son's choice). They seemed to fight and argue about EVERYTHING at first. He was about 14-15 and every bit a teenager. One weekend, she went out of town and he chose to stay with his dad.

When she came home, he said "I've gotta tell you something" and her heart dropped. What he told her was that he was sorry for his behavior and for rebelling at her rules of the house. His dad was never consistent..ground him one minute, let him go wherever the next.

Joe is probably going through a bit of the same. He so used to inconsistency, he's naturally going to rebel at rules. I think you are doing an awesome job with him and he will come around.

I'm glad your parents are doing well, and I, too, hope you are finding a little "me" time for yourself.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

LucyA

We don't have Alateen or Alanon anywhere near us here, I can't find anything anyway. I don't think it's for Joe at the moment though, when his mum died he went to some counselling once or twice and didn't like it at all. Maybe it was too soon, I don't know, but now he absolutely refuses to think about going to anything where he imagines he has to talk about himself etc. He's told me his life feels normal now and he doesn't need to talk to pepole he doesn't know.

I know his life is far from normal, even now, he's got a long way to go. So although I think 'not yet', I'm keeping it in mind for the future.

Barbara52

It took us a long time to find a therapist my son could connect with but it was worth the search. It has made a huge difference for him.

Sounds like your nephew is doing ok. Heck he's got the normal "I am a teenager" stuff going on along with the fallout from his father. WIth your support, he will do fine.

Kindeyes

Lucy
Thank you for the update. Joe is so lucky to have an Aunt to help him through stuff that no kid should have to deal with. Your consistency with him will help him immensely.
gentle hugs