luli2979

Hi there!
This last week was very hard for me, I was fighting a lot with my AH husband. Twoo days ago I told him that I don't want to live like this anymore and he's agreed. And you know what, today he was drinking again. So we have a little talk about it. I told him that I want to finish our relationship. i can't take this anymore. I realize what's a CO and I am very scared for me. I don't want to be sick anymore.
He was saying: "I'm sorry and you don't deserve this" that I'm tired of hearing this from him, because nothings changed, it's only repaeting the same situation once again.
My heart is spliting in a million peaces, he doesn't know the pain that I am feeling now and he doesn't cares.
I've been crying a lot and thinking what to do. Finally I know, I HAVE TO RUN AWAY from this.
I am looking for a new job, so I can move out of this place and start over. I need peace.

underwood

Hi Luli, I am sorry that you are hurting so much. It seems from your posts that nothing has changed for you in the last 2 years. Your AH must want to change and you are right to want to break the cycle....because he will not. It is time to detach and work on yourself. Maybe working on yourself and your happiness will bring you peace.

RobinBird

Hi Luli: I remember going through the same thing 22 years ago, and my heart goes out to you. I know how difficult it is to come to that decision. I send you a big hug and to say, just keep going. Take it one day, one hour or one minute at a time. I heard a great saying, "When you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, just keep going, do not stop and buy real estate." I think of that when things get difficult, and I just keep going and try to stay focused on my new life and making it a good one. You will find your peace, and happiness too.

Sweetiepie1

I don't know if it's the same for everyone else but that realisation that the "sorry's" are empty words and repeated mechanicaly was very painfull but very positive for me. If I'd had a £1 for every sorry or promise that came my way I'd be a very rich woman. Look after yourself hon X

faith12

Yes seriously you are making the right decision. Get your action plan squared away with only yourself in mind. If your AH still wants to be part of your life he'll conform to your plan if he's serious and that's if you still even want him to. It will be hard but its the right choice. Good luck to you. You can do it many others have.

stillsearching

I am there with you too! I have finally realized the same thing and I want out, I had 2 interviews last week and will find out this week about them...I am keeping my fingers crossed...I too have been smacked in the face with the realization that it has all been nothing but BS words, with nothing behind it...I am done with it, what kind of marriage is it anyway when someone is under the influence the majority of the time...but I think the worse to me has been the LYING right to my face, that to me is not what a husband does..good luck...I too feel that this is the right thing to be doing...it's time!!