cem001

Well this past Friday (13th) was my 21st wedding anniversary. My RAH has been sober now for 3 years 7 months. This anniversary was like no other anniversary before. It was almost as though he was staying at a distance. Some of you know my story with the 4th step issue. He is in the middle of his 4th step, and things have been tense. He continues to stress to me that things will get better once he's gotten through his 4th step. He has been working on this step for 3 months, with the promise every month to his sponsor that he'll have it completed by the end of the month.

I have never felt more uneasy around him since he was drinking. Is this normal?

I know that I can't push for him to do the 4th step since he has to do it for himself, and in his time. There have been times that I have mentioned you need to get to work on that for yourself.

Any advice?

Kindeyes

My RA son told me that recovery is a very selfish process. It has to be. I have to remind myself often that his recovery belongs to him and mine belongs to me.

I'm sure this will probably ring a little hollow but happy anniversary. I'm happy to hear that your husband has been sober now for almost four years. Even in strong healthy marriages, there are times of discomfort, anger or awkwardness. Most of the time I feel very close to my husband but there are times that I feel a distance. It's kind of cyclical.

My son is the A in my life.....he is in recovery. I know that it's different than a husband being the A (my ex husband....my son's father.....was an alcoholic and drug abuser). But there are times that I feel very uncomfortable around my son.....awkward. And there are other times that I don't.

You asked "is this normal"? I think so.

You asked for advice. The only advice I would have for you is to take care of yourself. Work your own program. And what will be, will be.

gentle hugs

NoelleR

"...this past Friday (13th) was my 21st wedding anniversary..."

Alcoholism is a family disease.....and the selfishness can be family-wide too.


NoelleR